


The Fantasy of 1479 Silver Years

by NatsumiKenjii



Category: NCT (Band), SM Rookies
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Historical References, M/M, Magic, Romance, Smut, Yunho and Jaejoong as parents, everyone has pretty much a sad backstory, merthur!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 83,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7573891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatsumiKenjii/pseuds/NatsumiKenjii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PROLOGUE:</p><p>In a time of myth and a land of magic, the fate of a great kingdom was not the one the king wished for.  The one he loved was out of reach, the one loved was unaware. The only thing they could do was wait and wait and in the end, it was too late.<br/>The silver years passed, the new generations arise and the magic was almost gone. A sole survivor moved along the years and the last drop of magic left waited for the only human that can ignite that magic once more. Jaehyun waited and waited for the one he loved to come back. Civilizations passed, people moved on and he was still wondering the earth and hoping he would find him once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. THE BEGINNING AND THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to everyone and thank you for picking this up!  
> It's my first time writing something here so I don't know how this site works just yet~  
> This is a story I wrote on AsianFanFics too, so if you somehow find it there, it's the same thing! 
> 
> It’s going to be a merthur!au (king Arthur and Merlin) but only for the first chapter or so, then this is going to take place in our times. Of course this story will have the historic bases of the legend with an alteration to the original story so that I can make this one a Jaehyun and Taeyong love story. I hope everyone will enjoy this story and feel free to tell me what you think about it in the comment section!

The legends spoke of a fantasy land when the world was ruled by kings, when knights in shining armor would fight for everything the King deemed must be fought for, of a land where magic lived among people. There was once a time where Britain was ruled by a brave and wise King named Lee Taeyong.

A red cape covered his shoulders, the back engraved with a golden dragon, symbolizing the dragon shaped comet, his chest and arms covered with a shiny hauberk, over which was an old looking same colored cuirass. A pair of red pants were tight around his slim legs and from under his knees the boots he wore covered most of the remaining parts of his shins, their tips ending with a gray sabaton. Attached to his hip was the belt holding his sword. Big like doe eyes and thick lips, that turned into crescents and pretty lines, featured his face. His skin was fair, resembling his silver white hair that fell over his forehead and made him look younger than his real age, made the King stunningly beautiful and everyone standing before him could only look in awe at his features.

After being crowned king, Taeyong indeed proved that he was the greatest warrior ever alive. As King, he used his skills in fighting and leadership to drive off all hostile invaders from Britain. But his real strength was in the wisdom he had received from his friend, Jaehyun, who had taught him to use his wits, rather than brute force, to overcome his enemies.

Jaehyun was a childhood friend of the king. They grew up together and even if he had to hide his magic, because in those times sorcery was considered a bad deed, Taeyong knew. He knew that the one he grew up with was special than the ones he normally met. From Jaehyun, Taeyong had learned to be a wise and just king, who fought only to protect his people, and never for ill deeds. He was thought to fight with his heart rather than his fist.

The people of Britain, finally relieved of their suffering, happily welcomed him as their new king. Not even the dukes and lords quarreled over the right to rule anymore, for Taeyong had indeed brought the peace and prosperity that the kingdom had long awaited. Under Taeyong’s wise leadership, laws were made with justice and mercy, and the people were treated fairly. He named his kingdom Camelot, and his coat of arms was the red dragon.

The scheme looked peaceful and yet, the King was troubled.

He was childless. He had no son to inherit the throne after he was gone, nor a daughter to gladden his heart. Moreover, the King was desperately in love with someone he could not have. He was not allowed to confess nor act upon his feelings. The queen he had to marry was indeed a beautiful woman but because he could not love her he never once tried to make an heir to his throne. The one he loved was out of reach and his love could only be categorized as a hopeless one.

Sorcery was not something uncommon in those times, however, because people feared it, it was seen as the worst of all kinds of things there existed at the time and while he did not only knew the most powerful sorcerer of them all, probably the only one that no one could surpass, he didn’t know what else he could do to keep him close.

Jaehyun, warned Taeyong that the queen would bring him nothing but misery, but Taeyong was intent on marrying her. He didn’t know why the great sorcerer told him such a thing, he didn’t know the meaning behind it. All he knew was that the kingdom needed an heir and if that meant marring that woman, then he will, even if it meant throwing away any last hope of having his feelings returned. 

The people of Camelot rejoiced. They were glad to see their beloved king happy and in love, or so they thought, but little did they know of the pain the king hid inside. The prospect of having an heir to the throne was, indeed, cause for celebration. Everyone in the kingdom was filled with excitement and tears of joy. Everyone, that is, except for Jaehyun.

He couldn’t bear to watch the scene, because just as the king fell in love with someone who he was not allowed to, just like that Jaehyun bore feelings of love towards someone that was out of reach. Not being able to confess and having to watch the man you love marry someone else while you can only wish for their happiness was crushing his heart into pieces. The only remedy he had was that the king he loved so much would never leave his side and that he would be in forever at his service. 

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Then one day a beautiful woman came rising up out of the water. After learning about this, Jaehyun took Taeyong out to a misty lake. The lake was magic, like everything else that surrounded it. Fairies and mystical creatures lived in that peaceful place. When he reached there, Jaehyun looked at Taeyong, knowing fully well why they were there. Jaehyun raised his hand and as the mist cleared an island could be seen in the horizon.

“On the other side of the mist,” he told Taeyong, “is the island of Avalon.”

“Avalon?” Taeyong repeated in a low tune.

“The beings who live there possess supernatural powers,” Jaehyun explained calmly, a small smile appearing on his face, “which they use for both good and evil.”

All of a sudden, a beautiful woman came rising up out of the water. Her body was embraced by a white long dress that was one with the water, her hair was fair like gold and her skin white like snow. In her hand, she held a magnificent, jeweled sword.

“If you insist on surrounding yourself with such dangers,” Jaehyun told Taeyong, “then you're going to need a powerful weapon to protect yourself.” He said motioning for the sword in her hand.

“This is Nimue, the Lady of the Lake. The sword she holds in her hands is Excalibur. It is of the finest strength, and can cut through iron and steel. It is fit for a king like you, your highness, but the real magic lies in the scabbard. For, whoever holds the scabbard shall never die of his wounds. Always keep it by your side. Never let yourself be parted from it.”

Jaehyun took the sword from Nimue’s hands and then turning around he motioned for Taeyong to take it, the most precious and important partner the King could wish for. A golden engraved handle that held tight a platinum blade to which was written in runes on each of the opposite sides of it ‘Take me up’ and ‘Cast me away’.

 

 

As a wedding present, the queen’s father gave the couple a round table, large enough to seat all of Taeyong’s knights. Over each seat was a plaque inscribed with the name of the knight for whom the seat was intended. Only one seat had no name inscribed above it. This seat was reserved for the greatest knight of all. If anyone else sat there, he would surely die. The gift of the round table made Taeyong happy, for he had been worried that his knights were becoming too competitive amongst each other. With the round table, all of his knights could sit together and discuss matters of the kingdom as equals. Because that was its role. The table served as an equal for everyone who sat in one of its chairs. There was no beginning and no end, the table didn’t have a head to which only the king could stay. Like this, everyone was seen as equal.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

With time, Jaehyun couldn’t bear to see the king with someone else. It was easy at first, but with time, it hurt more and more and the pain was impossible. Each day he had to stand by his and hers side and watch them happy together. Each time he saw him smile was for her, and each time he died a little bit inside. He wanted to be the one to receive that smile, he wanted to be the one to fix his cape when it was not where it should be, he wanted to be the one to walk by his side in the castle and everyone would look at them in awe.

But he couldn’t be, he was once, but now it was all over. He was left with watching them and hoping Taeyong would not barge in his room like he always loved to do and catch him crying himself to sleep. He was hoping that Taeyong would stop wanting to sleep in the same bed with him, hugged tight and safe under the blankets. He wanted Taeyong to fall in love with the queen so that he could move on, but with each passing day, Taeyong would come at night and they would always be like he never got married and he was never a king.

The nights were always full of joy and laughter, Jaehyun would show him tricks and Taeyong would be amazed every time, even if he saw them over and over again. Taeyong would teach Jaehyun how to use a sword because the boy was horrible with handling one and by the time they would fall down to the floor with heavy breaths Taeyong would cuddle near Jaehyun.

“You should sleep with your queen, sire.” Jaehyun said one night. Hoping and hoping that his feelings would go away because this was not enough, he wanted the day too, not only the night.

“I don’t want to.” Taeyong said and as he looked up from where he was resting his head on Jaehyun’ chest. “I like it when I sleep with you, it’s warmer at night and the sheets are softer in your chambers.” Taeyong said letting out a soft chuckle.

“That’s not true,” Jaehyun said as he placed his hand on his silver hair and caressed it slowly, “You have the finest fabrics in all the kingdom, mine are merely servant sheets.”

“But I want to spend more time with you,” Taeyong said and he cuddled more in his arms.

“I know,” Jaehyun said, “I’m sorry,” he went on with a sad smile on his face.

“Why are you sorry?” Taeyong replied in an instant, a concerned look on his face, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day.” He said as he raised himself up and went for the bed. He extended his arms and Taeyong followed suit, sitting down on the bed and slowly letting himself fall in his arms. The same arms that hugged him to sleep each night and the same embrace he never wished to let go of.

Taeyong didn’t say anything anymore, he just let himself fall asleep in the warmth of the one he loved. He cherished every moment spent with him, because these things could only happen at night. By the time daylight comes he would be back with his queen and he would have to pretend again that he loves her.

Jaehyun knew when Taeyong fell asleep, he could say, because the boy would stop moving and he would snuggle as close as he can to his body. Some night he would hold his hand and never let it go, he held it tight, interlacing their fingers and every time, Jaehyun heart broke more. He slowly moved so that the king could sit better and when he was certain that he would no longer feel the world around he moved a stray strand of hair from his forehead and all he could do was look at his beautiful features.

He raised his hand to caress his cheek, then moving slowly to his lips and stopping there, reminding himself that this are not his and that he doesn’t have the right to do this. He felt his eyes water, because after this night, he would leave the castle, he would try to leave Taeyong and maybe, maybe he will manage to forget him and leave with the queen happy. So that when he looks in his globe everyday he would see him with her at night, happy and enamored by her.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun said feeling his tears slipping down his cheeks, “but I love you, so I have to leave.”

With that Jaehyun allowed himself to place a kiss on his forehead and as he fell asleep next to the king he felt the pieces of his heart break more and he knew there was no one out there to pick them up and stick them back together.

By the time morning came Taeyong woke up to a cold bed and an old scarf laying on the pillow next to him. He understood then, he was cruel, and he was pushing Jaehyun to limits he didn’t want to. It was too much and he thought it was fine, he thought he was alright like this, because Jaehyun played along, Jaehyun never got angry, never pushed him away. But in the end he left him, and all he had left was a red scarf that belonged to him.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but deep down, he knew it was best not to, he thought that maybe this was a chance to try again and fall in love with his queen. Maybe this was Jaehyun way of telling him to let go and forget his foolish feeling that were out of place.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Many years passed, and Taeyong and his queen lived together in married bliss, by the looks of the ones who watched from afar, but the queen knew, deep down, that her king did not love her and never will. The King looked at his bride with responsibility and obligation, but nothing more than that. Because he tried, and tried so hard to fall for her but each time he did Jaehyun would be there in his memory and once more with his smile would threw all his chances away. For years, they lived together and nothing changed.

With Jaehyun gone, the Lady of the Lake took on the role of Taeyong's advisor. Though she had despised Jaehyun, because she knew about him and his feelings. She warned him to let them go, that it was for the best, but he was stubborn and everything she said was in vain. But even so, she liked Taeyong, and she held him in great regard for the work he had done to unite Britain.

One day, Nimue came to him and asked for a boon.

“Take him into your castle and train him in the art of knighthood,” she asked, referring to the handsome, young man beside her. “Knight him whenever he asks for it.”

The young man with her was Kim Dong Young, and Taeyong could see he had the promise of a great fighter.

“Fine, it will be done, if you advise me so.” He agreed, and the lady took her leave.

 

Dong Young asked to be knighted that very evening. Taeyong was a bit surprised that he wanted to be knighted so soon, but Dong Young was sure he was ready. Taeyong agreed, and the following morning, the ceremony took place. There was great celebration, and all in the palace cheered. After he was knighted, Dong Young asked to be the Queen's Champion. This would make it his royal duty to protect the Queen, and defend her honor.

The queen was flattered, and accepted. The king didn’t know and didn’t care either, but he saw, he wasn’t blind. The way she looked at him, the way she smiled for him. He knew that sooner or later he would lose her too, because he wasn’t enough, he never gave her the love she deserved. He couldn’t make her happy, so maybe Dong Young could.

In the battles that followed, Dong Young proved to be an excellent knight. His skill with the sword was unparalleled by any in Camelot, and he quickly rose the ranks to become Taeyong’s finest knight. But more than that, he and Taeyong became good friends.

A part of Taeyong was afraid to get close, but there was a part that hoped that with this friendship he would replace Jaehyun. Maybe Dong Young would help him move on and stop thinking about his loved one but it didn’t. Everything he did, his joy, his smile, and the way he acted and talked, it all reminded him of Jaehyun. And that made him only love the one he missed more. He wanted Jaehyun back, he wanted him to embrace him with his big arms and let him sleep in his warmth once more.

And for a time, Dong Young, Taeyong, and the Queen were inseparable.

 

Then one day, Dong Young was gone. He left without a word and no matter how hard The King and Queen tried to search for him was in vain. No one in the kingdom knew his whereabouts. Many years passed, but Taeyong and his queen never stopped thinking of their friend, or wondering what had become of him.

Taeyong thought of the worst, just like he thought of Jaehyun the first week he left. That he wasn’t enough, that he was too hard on him and he couldn’t take him anymore, so he just left. But the dark side of his head always thought that maybe Jaehyun died somewhere and he will never see the boy again and maybe that happened with Dong Young.

But then one day, Dong Young returned. He had become pale and ragged, but it was unmistakably him. He wasn’t alone, he was hurt and a bit in pain but holding him by his arms as he dragged him back to the castle was the slim body of a man the king knew by heart.

Jaehyun held him close to his body and as he entered the royal court he looked up to the balcony and saw Taeyong. He had a hurt look on his face but when he saw the queen coming out of the main door, rushing to catch Dong Young he didn’t know why, but his heart felt relieved.

The queen took Dong Young and yelled for medics and physicians to assist them immediately. But all Jaehyun could see was his king looking down at him, him face looking relieved and a small smile that was meant only for him. The smile he longed for so many years. All those years he thought of never coming back, that his memories were enough, were all lies.

He wanted to see Taeyong again so badly that the moment he heard one of his best knights fled the castle and they were looking for him he used his magic and finding him on the battlefield made him happy. He could return to his king, he could be by his side again. He had a reason now, he could go back and pretend nothing happened, he could go back and pretend he never left him all those years ago.

Taeyong left the balcony and Jaehyun decided to go up and greet him properly. As he climbed the stairs he felt his heart lighter and lighter. He missed the castle walls, he missed his old room, but most of all he missed the body that laid next to his every night.

He opened the doors to the throne room and he had to take a moment to watch how it was all just as it was when he left. The throne standing firm in the back of the room, covered in red. The red carpet that followed to the chamber where the round table was placed, but most of all, his king that was more beautiful as the years passed and his habit of watching out from the corner of the room at every one who entered his royal space.

“My king,” he said as he stepped closer to Taeyong, “will you allow me to stay by your side once more?”

Taeyong didn’t take much to process what he was asked. He scanned the room and the moment he decided it was safe he rushed to Jaehyun and jumped in his arms hugging him tightly, never wanting to let go again. Tears formed in his eyes and he tried to hold them back as much as he could.

“Never leave me again.” Taeyong said and Jaehyun held back his tears. He was so happy, all this warmth he missed, his soft silver hair that touched his cheek, his trembling hands that embraced his back and waist, but most of all, his voice.

 

Night came fast and Jaehyun entered his room once more, taking in all the things he left behind. Nothing changed, Taeyong made sure his chamber would stay the same. Every time he was sad or down or just couldn’t take it anymore he would go to Jaehyun’ room and sleep in its bed, with his heart heavy he imagined Jaehyun arms embracing him and he would fall asleep.

This time there was no need for that because the one he loved was once more in his rightful place and he wasn’t going to let him go.

“I kept everything like it was.” Taeyong spoke from behind and it startled Jaehyun.

“Yes, I noticed, thank you.” Jaehyun said smiling.

Taeyong didn’t say much, he undressed of his cape, letting it fall to the floor and Jaehyun could only watch. The king went to the bed and as he sat down he smiled and as he extended his arms he motioned for Jaehyun to join him to sleep. Jaehyun complied, walking towards the bed and with his soft smile he laid down in his king’s arms and they fell asleep hugged together once more.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

One day, four strangers came to the gates of Taeyong's castle. Standing on the parapets with Jaehyun, he looked down at them. There were three women and a boy of about fourteen.

“Who are they?” Taeyong asked and Jaehyun didn’t want to answer because he knew Taeyong would not like the answer, but he had to comply.

“The women are your half-sisters by your father,” Jaehyun told him. “Two of them have come to make their peace with you. But the third, is evil. She seeks your downfall. I hoped never to see her in Camelot.”

His expression was a bit confused but didn’t ask much because his eyes fell on the boy standing with them.

“Who is he?” he asked.

“You don't want to know,” Jaehyun warned.

“I want to, and you should tell me.” Taeyong insisted.

“He is your son. The one you made with the woman who came to you that night. The one that made you drink a strange potion and if it wasn’t for me finding you it could have been worst.” Jaehyun spoke with a sad tone. It was a miracle Jaehyun figured that it was magic, the evil sister was good with magic and he was blinded by his love for Taeyong and it almost slipped his eyes.

“How could this happen?” Taeyong questioned, not liking the answer he got.

“It was the third sister who planned his conception with magic. She will use him against you. He will betray you.” Jaehyun warned but deep down he knew it was too late.

 

With one of Taeyong’s knight dead and Dong Young getting better, he was once again Taeyong's best knight. The king knew of Dong Young's love for his queen. But Taeyong even if he respected the queen he knew he could never love her and because Dong Young was loyal and a true friend, he remained silent.

One night, his son, Mark, came to him and told him he had seen Dong Young nearby, and not alone: the Queen had been with him.

“The penalty for adultery is death,” Mark reminded. Taeyong reluctantly agreed, he couldn’t let this one pass so a trap was set.

The next day, the queen told Taeyong she was going out riding again. The king knew she was not going alone so because she was going too far he sent Mark on her trail. When she left, Mark and some of Taeyong's men followed. When she met Dong Young, they jumped out and grabbed her. Dong Young was able to escape, but the queen was captured.

At Camelot, the Queen was put on trial for adultery, and found guilty. She was tied to a stake and the torches were lit. Just as she was about to be set ablaze, Dong Young rode in with his men, and cut her free. While Taeyong's soldiers were still fighting off the attack, the two lovers rode off together.

 

Taeyong immediately began pursuit of Dong Young and the queen, and they were quickly found at Dong Young's castle in Wales. He felt betrayed and he fought with the queen, but deep down he knew he had no right, because in fact he was happy she ran away.

He was going to let her go for good, because it was tiring to pretend already, but Mark wouldn’t let that happen. For months, Taeyong and his men laid siege to Dong Young castle. Finally, an agreement was reached whereby the queen was returned to Taeyong, and Dong Young was sent to France in exile.

 

But even like this Taeyong was still bitter. He felt that Dong Young had betrayed him, and he wanted revenge. He had no right to claim it but he felt that the kingdom needed this. So he followed Dong Young into France, leaving Mark in charge.

He didn’t want Jaehyun to know, he didn’t want to put him in danger so he left without allowing him to follow. But then Jaehyun sent him the news he dreaded worst: in his absence, Mark had declared himself King, and had taken his queen. Now, Taeyong was left with no choice but to return to Camelot to defend his kingdom.

 

In a dream, Taeyong was warned not to fight Mark right away, so he sent messengers into his camp to try and negotiate. During their talks, one of Mark's men was bitten by an adder. As he drew his sword to kill it, the sun glinted off his blade. Both armies mistook this as a sign that someone had drawn his sword to fight, and a great battle began.

 

Taeyong battled with Mark. The battle raged on all day, and by nightfall, it was down to every last man to fight. Jaehyun came rushing, but by the time he arrived it was too late. He couldn’t save him, he was too late and now it was all over.

In the commotion, Taeyong had dropped Excalibur and its scabbard. Seeing Mark, he picked up a spear, and charged at him. Mark charged back with his sword. The sword came forward and cleaved Taeyong's chest just as he drove his spear through his son's hateful heart.

Jaehyun was at his side in an instant and as he picked him in his arms he cried his heart out.

“No, please, don’t leave me.”

“It’s okay,” Taeyong said coughing blood, “I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay, you’re far from okay, let me fix you, I can fix you, let me fix you.” Jaehyun mumbled and he knew he couldn’t fix his king, nothing could, and it was too late.

“Just,” Taeyong tried to speak as he took hold of Jaehyun arm, “Just hold me.”

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun cried out, “You’re not dying in my arms.”

As Taeyong lay dying, he spoke his last request, “Please, take the sword Excalibur and the scabbard and throw them back into the lake from whence they came.”

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun kept saying and repeating the same words over and over again.

“I’ll come back to you,” Taeyong rasped out, barely holding it in.

“I’ll wait for you, no matter how much.” Jaehyun said between his sobs

“Just like you returned to me, I’ll come back to you.” Taeyong said with his last breath before his body gave up and coldness surrounded him. 

 

Out of the mists of the lake, three Fairy Queens appeared. Jaehyun watched how they placed Taeyong's body on a barge, and sailed off with him to the mystical island of Avalon to let him sleep in a hollow hill and that he will awake once more when he is needed.


	2. 1479

_“They knew that looking back on the tears would make them laugh but they never knew that looking back on the laughs would bring tears.”_

 

Passing by in the evening, the cars were rushing on the street, the sun a big circle in the sky. The wind blowing just a bit, just so that it won’t be too hot or too cold. There were trees on each side of the road, there was a hill surrounded by a lake on the right. On the hill there stood a headstone, in all its glory, with someone’s name scribbled in the hard and cold rock. No one went to the island to see what it said, no one approached the little mystery land that floated on water because they all knew, and everyone knew the same thing.

The legends spoke of the great King Britain once had, the myths spoke of him with admiration and respect, and they all knew the story. The lake to which Jaehyun consigns the body of his King, after the Battle of Camlann. It is the final resting place of both Sir Dong Young and the queen's brother Sir Taeil. It is also home to the Sidhe, the immortal race of winged blue creatures who Jaehyun battles with for Taeyong's soul in The Gates of Avalon.

The Lake is the only other gateway to the land of the dead other than the Pool of Nemhain and it is also the final home of Taeyong's great sword Excalibur. The Lady of the Lake, kept Excalibur in her keeping after Jaehyun was told by the great dragon to remove its power in case the sword fell into the wrong hands, its magic could be a force for great evil.

It said that it was the island of Avalon, where the king laid to rest until he was needed again, that in the waters that surround the small land drowned Excalibur and when the king will rise again, he will pick his sword from the bottom of it and Britain will be great again.

The only problem was that this was all just child talk, just a legend, and no one believed in these types of stories anymore. No one, except, Jaehyun.

Jaehyun passed by the same road, looked at the island over and over again. At night he wished upon stars, at day he would pray, and every time he passed the island he wished again and again for the same thing: the legend to be real, his king would rise again, his waiting to be over.

Jaehyun lived to see the downfall of Camelot, Jaehyun lived to see generations move on, he lived to see the demise of civilizations, the downfall of magic. He lived through it all and he waited alone for one thing. As years passed he thought he was never going to see him again. His thoughts were darker and darker, because being alone killed him.

At first, he would cry at night, then when he couldn’t take the pain anymore he thought about dying, but he didn’t want to die and never see Taeyong again so he survived through it all. Then the more time it passed the more he wanted to revive his loved one. He wondered the world for any type of spell, for any type of sacrifice, he was ready to do everything just to see him breathe again.

With time, he realized his magic was fading, the more it passed the weaker he got and then he found a book, an old magic book that spoke of a time where magic would not be needed and it would vanish for good. He started to panic, he started to become afraid, because that couldn’t happen. If he no longer had magic then how was he going to revive Taeyong if he never woke up? How was he going to make Taeyong remember his past and him if the case was he could never remember his past life? He didn’t know what it was to awaken from the dead. He didn’t know what he would do what it would happen when Taeyong would actually come back to life and didn’t remember anything. He didn’t want to believe it so he tossed the book and never touched it again.

Centuries passed and by the time he started to think about giving up he thought about ending it for real. He was all alone and no one really tried to approach him. He was an outcast and wherever he went he couldn’t stay, because they couldn’t find out about his magic, no one could know.

He found out soon enough that the world was just like in the past afraid of what they don’t understand, but the ore time passed the worst it got and he had to learn once more how to hide his powers, how to hide his gift until he would need it again. He tried dating for a while, he tried to stop himself from the self-pity he inflicted in himself, but he realized he couldn’t love anyone else, because his heart belonged to someone already and even in death he could not move on. . He tried to follow the trends, he tried to follow up with the civilizations moving on and he was the only one that was left behind.

The big problem he had was that he couldn’t age. The spell he cast on himself the day Taeyong died was made that he would age again when Taeyong would rise again and they would grow old together. Because that was the right thing to do, because he promised to himself that he would grow old together with Taeyong, that they would be happy and maybe this time, his love would be returned. For him to break the spell meant he had to touch Taeyong, because even if along the years he found people who looked like his beloved when they touched the spell did not break and once more his hopes in finding his king would dim.

He kept moving forward, but in the end he was still stuck on the same road he first left his Taeyong, he was trapped there, like a ghost wandering around its place of death. He didn’t know how to move on, he didn’t know how to give up, and he didn’t want to either.

His hairstyle changed over the years, his hair grew too long, an ash-burn color blended his hair at first but the more the years passed he went black, he decided to style it and went for a curly look but soon enough he stuck to the normal straight hair with bangs covering his face. His clothes had to be changed too, but one thing he liked to keep and even if it was barely holding on, even if it was almost of no use anymore he kept it. The red scarf around his neck was still there, after all these years the red scarf made it through the centuries. He thought that maybe, when Taeyong would rise again and he wouldn’t recognize him anymore, he could show him his scarf, maybe, just maybe, he would remember the importance of it. Because after all, it was Taeyong who gifted the scarf to Jaehyun when they were still ten years old and he kept it close ever since.

There was a coffee shop he like to visit, where the name and the atmosphere reminded him of home. He missed his home, he missed Camelot, he missed his room and the castle walls. He missed the warmth of his bed when Taeyong slept in his arms but in the end he reached the same conclusion, it wasn’t Camelot he missed it was Taeyong.

The coffee shop was not far from the island that he liked to visit, to remind himself that there was still hope, to make sure he wasn’t giving up and with each day that passed he would wait for him in the same place, next to the shore, gazing in the distance at the headstone that after so many years stood firm on the top of the hill.

Sometimes he would remember the time he had to carry Taeyong in his arms, the coldness of his body and he wished to feel his warmth again, he wanted the hands that limped to the side to raise and embrace him once more, he wanted to see the pink color of his lips and the blush on his cheeks. The gleam of his eyes, but most of all he wanted to see that smile, that big goofy smile that he would show and then rapidly cover with his hand. Tears kept falling and his steps were heavy, and he felt like giving up, falling down and dying with him, the lifeless body in his hands felt like it weighted a thousand kilos and his hands couldn’t stop from trembling. The way his tears didn’t stop from falling even when he had to place Taeyong down on the wooden boat, he remembered how he grabbed his hands and placed them to his chest so they could rest there and how he kissed his cold forehead and then stood in the water and watched how his king disappeared into the mist of the island and he was gone forever.

The name of the coffee shop was ‘Camelot’, and he thought the patrons named it because of the closeness of the shop with the island. Probably to attract more customers. The outside looked peaceful and the flags that were on the corners, made it look like a castle door. They were just as he remembered, red and yellow, with a dragon in the middle. The doors were made of hard wood and the windows resembled the ones of a castle. The interior was calm, with medieval music playing in the background. The walls were decorated with swords and shields and they even tried to hang a poster of the castle they thought resembled the one he lived in. Everyone who came inside thought that was how the castle of Camelot looked like, when in fact, only Jaehyun knew of its mighty glory.

The tables were all round and the seats were small, making every table look like the round table from inside the castle walls. Everything about the coffee shop reminded him of home, the shop was like a cheap replica of the castle and even if it wasn’t real, it felt like home and it was enough.

As he opened the door, a bell jingled and music welcomed him. He went to his seat, far in the back, where there was a window and he could watch the island from. The first time he found the shop he was a bit taken aback, but with time he was a regular and now he came here almost every day.

“What can I get you?” a waiter asked and Jaehyun was a bit taken by surprise because normally they would just bring him his order. He always ordered the same thing and soon the waiters and everyone in the staff knew that when he would come through that door every morning at 10:30, he would order his food and tea and he would sit by the window and read a book or just look out in the distance with a sad look on its face, longing for something they didn’t understand.

“Oh, the usual, the full breakfast meal, bacon, sausages, eggs, and the other cooked foods, with tea, Earl Grey, would be good.” Jaehyun said politely and smiled to the boy. His hair was orange, with a bit of blonde, and somehow his eyes reminded him of someone. He watched as the boy smiled back and went to the counter to ask for the order.

He noticed something was off at the store, the personal was changed, and these were not the people he knew. He had to miss his orders this weekend because he had something important to do at the hospital. He was a doctor, because his powers were normally used for healing and he didn’t forgive himself for not being able to save Taeyong he became a doctor so he could at least save others.

He looked around and in the corer there were two boys talking with each other, smiling and laughing, and by the looks of it they too resembled people he thought he knew. One was a bit smaller than the other, but nevertheless he knew that smile, he knew that laugh and the way he moved. The other one was a bit more serious at first but when he started laughing he looked so happy and smitten, he didn’t know what to say about them, the whole scene looked rather familiar. The way they acted all funky and goofed around, he almost saw the scene happen in his memories.

Then he shifted his eyes to the orange haired boy, and something about him seemed even more familiar than the two of the boys he noticed before. His movements and the glint in his eyes when he turned to Jaehyun and smiled again noticing his stare. He turned back and started talking with another boy, someone that sat down on a chair and you could only see the top of his head.

He felt weird, like he was about to get caught on hidden camera. He thought he missed something, maybe he was so homesick that he couldn’t make the reality from fantasy, maybe he was finally losing it and maybe he was going crazy but the more he stared the more everything fell into place and before he could voice it out someone came from behind the counter doors and flashing a smile towards Jaehyun he placed the plates down and said,

“Here is your order, sir. Sorry for the wait, I’m new here.”

“It’s oka –“He stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of the boy standing in front of him. Silver hair sticking out and being parted to the sides, long white sleeved shirt that covered his arms, a black apron circling his waist and red tight pants embracing his thin legs.

“Sir? Are you feeling alright?” He asked with a look of concern on his face and gave him a smile once more. He bent down a bit to look at his face and Jaehyun almost fell of the chair.

He regained his balance and trying to grab something from the table he managed to make a fool of himself and spill the tea all over the table and with a horrified look on his face he looked up and saw that the boy was laughing at him.

He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was the perfect embodiment of the one he longed for. His eyes that turned to crescents when he smiled and as a giggle left his beautiful plump lips he raised his hand and covered his mouth and laughed some more.

“I’m alright, I’m alright.” He said when he saw that the boy was bending to grab some napkins to clean the tea from the table. Jaehyun just watched, he was staring at him like a deer caught in the highlights. He thought his eyes would pop out from his head.

“Do I have something on my face?” The silver haired boy said as he touched his face with his free left hand. Jaehyun was still staring, he followed his every move. And the only thing that went through his mind was that he wanted to touch him.

“I guess not.” He answered to his own question.

Jaehyun was smitten and he didn’t know what to do, he just stared as the boy went to take the orders from some other customers that were in the café and as he looked all he thought was that it was him, this one was the real one, this was not a dream, he wanted to be real, he wanted for this to be real and even if this was just a dream he wanted to never wake up again.

He tried to finish his food but he failed because as soon as he tried to grab the fork it stumbled and fell to the ground and the boy heard the tinkle and turned around to see the eyes of Jaehyun staring at him again. He just smiled and came to his table once more and Jaehyun followed his moves with his head. The boy then moved left and hopped right and so did Jaehyun head. His eyes followed his every move and he needed someone to slap some sense into him because if he kept going he was going to turn into a creep.

“Are you sure you’re alight, sir?” The boy said again, trying to make Jaehyun react.

Jaehyun stared some more and before the boy could turn he got up and grabbed his hand and the moment he touched his hand it was bliss. Like fireworks exploded in his soul, his body reacted to the touch and everything started to crumble and before he knew it he was hugging the boy and as he held him tight he kept repeating the same word over and over again.

“Taeyong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: soooooooooooo, a little cliffhanger and I hope you don’t mind haha! Also sorry for the angst, im trying and im like reallllllly trying to write fluff but im too deep in angsty feels and I just forgot how fluff looks like.  
> Thank you for reading this and feel free to tell me what you think in the comments! I will be happy to read and reply to them!


	3. BREAKING THE SPELL

When something inside him clicked and he realized that time started flowing again Jaehyun didn’t know what to believe. Jaehyun was so happy to have the silver haired boy in his arms again that he almost started crying. It was the first time in so many years that he could feel this bliss again. He longed for his touch, he longed for his warmth and now he was here, in his arms. Jaehyun just hugged tighter and he noticed that the boy’s body was standing still in his embrace. It was not moving and for a moment he thought of letting go.

The boy in his arms didn’t know what to do, it was all too sudden and he just stood there stunned. This man that he never saw before just stared at him and then grabbed him and hugged him and he didn’t know why or what happened but he knew that he didn’t want to let go. There was some sort of warmth, there was a feeling he didn’t know he could feel and he liked it. Before he knew it he raised his arms that limped at his sides and circled the man that was holding him. He let his head fall on his shoulder and as he closed his eyes the warmth he felt before just grew and he felt his body tingle with feelings he didn’t know he could feel.

If Jaehyun was happy before he was surely crying now, this was all he ever wished for, this was all he dreamt of and he couldn’t keep it in anymore. He tried to hold it again, because they were in a public place and people were staring at them but he couldn’t care less, he was so happy that if he kissed the man standing in front of him right now he wouldn’t even care who stared and what they thought about the display they had going on.

The silver haired boy heard a sniffle and as he raised his head he broke the embrace and as he looked at the man that was staring at him heart-struck before and the man that was now crying because of some unknown reason to him he didn’t know what to do, so he just raised his hands and started wiping his tears away.

“Uhm, please, don’t cry.” The boy said, still wiping his tears.

“I just,” Jaehyun began but when he looked in the boy’s eyes and he saw that glint that he loved and that smile that he longed for he couldn’t hold it and he just spit it out all at once, “I missed you so much, I lost you and waited and waited and I don’t even know how long I waited and prayed and I can’t believe I found you again.”

The boy didn’t know what to say because it was the first time he met this man and he thought that maybe he resembled someone from his past or something, maybe he knew his dad, because people often said that they were almost like twins, but then again his dad never mentioned knowing someone this young and neither did his dad’s boyfriend. Maybe indeed this man was confused and he thought that he was the person he thought he was. But he said his name a few times, and it was right, he was undeniably Taeyong.

“Sir, I don’t know what you are talking about.” Taeyong said after looking at him for a bit and he just couldn’t pin his face down to any name. “I have never seen you before.”

“Of course,” Jaehyun said with a sad chuckle, “You won’t know who I am, you can’t remember.”

Taeyong just looked and raised his eyebrow waiting for an explanation and Jaehyun smiled at him as he let him go and went back to his seat and sat down. He looked around and saw the orange haired boy that had his eyes big and his mouth almost open as if he hasn’t seen people hugging, the little head that was behind the counter could be seen now too and even if the boy didn’t have the same silver hair as Taeyong he had a darker shade of grey, something that looked like slate gray and he looked rather nervous to be there. He just exchanged glances with the orange haired boy and didn’t do much besides that. The two that were happily laughing in their corner stopped and watched the two but resumed to their talk later without giving them much thought and the ones at the tables didn’t spare them a glance. Jaehyun noticed soon that this world and time he was living now didn’t care much about what happened and mostly people just stared at their phones, but he didn’t care either about what happened around him so maybe he wasn’t far from adapting to this timeline either.

“Sit with me, please.” Jaehyun said as he beckoned for Taeyong to join him.

“Why?” Taeyong replied, but went there and took a seat in front of him nonetheless.

“I know I might sound crazy and what I did was also out of the ordinary, so I wanted to apologize for my rude behavior.” Jaehyun said as he flashed a smile and looked Taeyong in the eyes. It was all he could do because he might be wrong, he might be right, he might be so right that he doesn’t even realize it.

“How do you know my name?” Taeyong said fidgeting and playing with his fingers under the table.

“I just do…” Jaehyun said and that might have sounded like something a stalker would say, “I’m someone you can’t remember yet.” He went on, confusing the boy even more.

“I’m confused, please explain what you’re saying.” Taeyong wanted to understand a bit but he also wanted to leave. He was working right now and he seriously didn’t have time to stay and have a chat with someone who sounded crazy. But he stood there, rooted on the chair and the more he looked at Jaehyun’ eyes the more he felt like drowning. They were beautiful and he couldn’t stop just at his eyes, his skin was white, and he wanted to touch it because he knew it had to be smooth like porcelain. He saw how his hair was combed to the side and there were a few stray bangs that rested on his forehead. On his left ear at the top there was silver earring, down his neck there was a red scarf and before he realized that Jaehyun saw him staring he stopped and gulping he averted his eyes.

“My name is Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun, and this is not the first time we met.” He said as he smiled and started to look out the window, gazing at the island that was seen from his seat.

“Nice to meet you,” Taeyong said his eyes low, “I’m Taeyong, Lee Taeyong, but I think you already know that.”

“Yes,” Jaehyun said letting out a small chuckle and at that Taeyong looked up and smiled a bit too. “Tell me, do you know that you have the same name as the great king that once ruled Britain?”

“Yes, I am aware of that, it must be a simple coincidence.” Taeyong answered, but, deep down, he too questioned this himself. He was adopted and his fathers never said anything about his name or why he never got it changed so it would be like theirs. He should have been a Kim or a Jung, but he stayed to his name, he was a Lee.

“Then do you know the Legend of King Taeyong?” Jaehyun questioned again, a glint of hope in his eyes. Maybe if he spoke it he could remember something. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he had no clue how to restore his memories, he wasn’t even sure if touching Taeyong broke his aging spell. But something definitely clicked when he hugged the boy and if that wasn’t a spell being lifted then he really went crazy. Maybe he needed Excalibur, maybe if Taeyong touched the sword he would remember. This would all have been easier if Jaehyun had his magic back, all of it. But he had bits and pieces and he couldn’t use it anytime he wanted and he didn’t know if he would even be whole again.

“A bit, I think we studied some of it at school, at history. But it’s only mythological.” Taeyong said and Jaehyun felt a pang in his heart. Child talk, that’s what everyone saw it as. It was real, the legend, the stories, the magic, it was all true, and he was the only one who knew that.

“Why do you think that?” Jaehyun questioned and he really hoped Taeyong was going to believe in the end, because after all, magic has no power if you don’t believe. 

“It’s pretty obvious,” Taeyong said, putting his hands on the table and looking at Jaehyun with a questionable face, as if why was he asking him such an apparent question. “There is no magic in the world, there is no such thing as an enchanted sword, a misty lake with fairies and there are no dragons, no warlocks, there is no such thing as magic. It’s all just a fairytale, and fairytales aren’t real, that’s why they’re fairytales.”

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say, he never really expected this, and given the fact that Taeyong was once the one that held the sword to battle dragons that lived in that fairytale world, it was pretty bad to hear it. And piling that up with him not even believing in magic was even worse. It wasn’t like Jaehyun could teleport them or take them back to their time, he didn’t have that kind of power anymore. He could mostly play with the lights and probably move some objects, maybe he could do some figures by levitating things but he wasn’t sure, he hadn’t tried it in a long time.

“Have you ever been to Avalon?” Jaehyun said then, staring back at Taeyong and when the boy saw the look he had in his eyes, he somehow figured that Jaehyun was not on the same length with his opinion. It looked to him like his words hurt him and he didn’t know why and the more he stared in those eyes the more he felt like Jaehyun believed in magic and all that stuff that was written in the lore.

“Avalon doesn’t exist.” Taeyong said watching how his pained expression changed in something close to longing and resentment, it was as if he knew that but wanted to say it anyway. “It never did, it’s an imaginary island from the folklore, and it’s not real.”

“Then, have you ever been to that island from over there?” he replied, motioning with his head to the island he turned his eyes to. “That is what I like to call ‘Avalon’. Don’t you think it looks like the one in the legend?”

“I never went there, no one can go there without a boat and honestly I haven’t seen anyone going there. And the legends don’t say much about it and they certainly didn’t describe the place much.” Taeyong replied and somehow he felt at ease when he looked at the island too. There was some sort of calming atmosphere that surrounded it and now he wanted to go there. As he looked at the island he felt drawn to it and he didn’t know what was happening because he looked at that small land floating on the water for so many times before and never once he wanted to go there.

“I guess you’re right,” Jaehyun said chuckling again and as he looked at Taeyong once more he didn’t know what to say anymore so he just thought it was time to leave, maybe he didn’t scare the boy as much as he thought he did. Maybe it was okay to come back again.

“Why are you asking me these things anyway?” Taeyong said and he saw that the orange haired boy motioned for him to come over, so he just nodded and before he could get his answer Jaehyun just said,

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

He took out his wallet, paid for his food and as he stood up he smiled once more towards Taeyong and said his goodbyes and thanked to everyone while he left the shop and Taeyong could just stare at his back and how it disappeared in the distance.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

He was left there confused and with feelings he didn’t know what meaning had behind them. There was a time when he thought about this legend too and why was it that he had the same name as the once great king. He didn’t find it that strange, there were people with the same name before and it didn’t mean they were some sort of big personalities from the past or that they were tied with someone.

“What was that, dude?” The orange haired boy spoke as he slid in the empty seat before him.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong replied and he really had no idea what happened.

“He just stared and hugged you all of a sudden, that sure was something good to watch.” The boy laughed at him and Taeyong was starting to show a blush on his cheeks just thinking about it. “It looked like a scene from a drama.” The boy went on and Taeyong was really embarrassed by now.

“Shut up, Doyoung.” He said as he got up and moved for the counter hide behind it. Doyoung just laughed from the table and Taeyong just got redder than he already was.

The boy that was sitting down on the chair and hid behind the counter just like before just stared at Taeyong and then left out a small smile. Taeyong caught that and he seriously didn’t know what to do, it was as if today everyone knew something he didn’t and he couldn’t even open his mouth to ask what it was that everyone smirked and laughed and knew so much about.

“What?!” He shot back and the boy was taken aback, startled even that Taeyong said it in such a tone.

“I didn’t say anything.” The boy replied calmly, still smiling at him.

“You smiled knowingly,” Taeyong said coming closer as the boy raised from the chair to retreat. He wasn’t good with people staring at him and Taeyong’s stare was really the worst of all, it seemed as if he was staring into your soul.

“I did not,” he shyly replied avoiding his eyes.

“You did,” Taeyong said coming even closer and the boy went back the same amount of space.

“I did not…” he said barely audible now, still avoiding his eyes.

“You know something and you’re not telling me.” Taeyong said as he took some more steps towards the boy and the boy was cornered, he took some steps back and was met with a wall and he felt trapped. Taeyong was leaning from above and his stare was digging holes in his lowered head.

“…” The boy was mute by now and even if he did know what Taeyong was talking about he couldn’t say it because it wasn’t his job to do it, so he just kept quiet and as he closed his eyes he waited for Doyoung to come and save him.

“Taeil…” Taeyong said and the boy was almost shuddering under him.

“Taeyong, that’s enough,” Doyoung said as he grabbed Taeil from under his piercing gaze and took him in his embrace where he calmed down. Doyoung looked at Taeyong with a warning gaze and as he dragged Taeil from there and took him to take a seat on one of the red cushions he tried to make Taeil feel better.

Maybe Doyoung was way too protective of Taeil, maybe it was Taeil that was like a baby, but for Doyoung Taeil was everything and he knew everything he liked and disliked.

Taeil family adopted Doyoung when he was little. He was like a brother to him and because they were little Taeil and his sister grew up with Doyoung and they liked to think they were a happy family. But then one day, Taeil’ sister died. She had a week and poor health and every winter she would get so sick she had to skip school for the whole season. Then the more her body developed her heart became too weak and she died slowly in her sleep. Taeil cried for days and Doyoung could only hold him in his arms and wipe away his tears. Those were the days when Doyoung swore to protect Taeil with all his might and to never let him go.

That was until they dreamt of something and thought they were crazy. But then it all made sense. Once they went on a family trip at the country side and while they were playing in the woods, Doyoung slipped and because Taeil was with him holding his hand he dragged him down too. The hill was too abrupt and they rolled down and then passed out because of the fall.

They dreamt of a kingdom that existed a long time ago. They saw people they never met before, they saw some of their friends too, but most of all they saw their sister being a queen. Something was strange, because Doyoung was with her and not with Taeil. His name was Dong Young and there was something off because in that dream Taeil died and he was in love with the queen. Then it all went like a flash fast-forward and when they finally snapped out of their dream they were in a hospital bed. 

Taeil and Doyoung, even Taeil’ sister, they did not belong to this timeline. This was not their world and when they realized who they were both knew they had to keep it for themselves. Doyoung woke up and upon looking at Taeil he saw in his eyes that he had the same dream as him. And from that moment on they knew that if this was what fate had in store for them then that meant Taeil wasn’t supposed to die in their dream, in that past they both saw, or maybe, Taeil was supposed to die in this reality too but he somehow dodged death.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Jaehyun didn’t go far from the shop. He just strolled down the alley until he got to the riverside and there he took a seat on the few benches that were placed there. He was at a loss and had no idea how to make Taeyong remember. He played with his fingers as he stared in the distance. The weather was turning chilly and mist started to appear near the island. The breeze was bringing a rainy smell and the clouds looked like would pour down any second.

He didn’t care, because come rain or sun he wasn’t affected. He liked rain, because he could drown his sorrows in it. He could cry and no one would notice his tears. He was too lonely and after all this time he finally found some hope again only for it to be crushed to the ground.

“It’s real, my king, it’s all real.” Jaehyun spoke to himself. Maybe if he heard his voice he wouldn’t be so lonely. The next wave of wind brought with him cold air and as he touched his scarf to cover his neck some more he heard a noise behind him and some footsteps. Then someone sat down on the bench and Jaehyun didn’t raise his head but he already knew who sat down.

“What’s real?” the man next to him said and Jaehyun took off his scarf and raised his head to watch the man in the eyes.

“Magic exists, it’s not just a fantasy.” He said smiling sadly and as he played with his scarf he noticed how the man came closer and snuggling he let his head fall on Jaehyun shoulder, silver locks falling on the man’s forehead.

“Show me that it’s real, so I can believe.” He whispered from where he stood and Jaehyun didn’t know if it was a wise thing to do.

“I can’t do it now, I’m too weak.” Jaehyun said and the boy didn’t say anything anymore. He just stood there and stared in the distance with Jaehyun.

The island was surrounded by mist now and all you could see was the top of the tower that was on the island. The waters seemed calm and something looked off again, because there was wind blowing and yet the water was clear as day and there was no wave in it. It felt strange and if he believed it in he could say it was magical.

“Why did you take off your scarf?” He said breaking the silence that settled between them. And somehow he wasn’t sure why he followed him, why he started talking with him, or how he even found him. He knew that he was drawn to him and every time he watched his face or he touched the man he felt his something inside reacting.

“My hands are cold, it will warm me up.” Jaehyun said and it was a dumb reason, he could just as well put his hands in his pockets and he would be warm and it’s not like it was that cold that his fingers would freeze. It was just that when he missed Taeyong he would play with the scarf.

The boy took the scarf from his hands and raising his head from Jaehyun’ shoulder he turned it around in his hands until he turned his attention back to Jaehyun and raising it he put the red scarf back on Jaehyun’ neck and in that moment he felt his stomach flip.

“Why is it that you draw me in?” The boy said, “What makes me come to you and feel all these things, you make me so confused.” He continued and his hands were still there on the crimson scarf. Jaehyun just smiled at his action, because this happened before. Taeyong would normally arrange his scarf for him and Jaehyun could stare at his king and wish he would never take his hands away.

“You really can’t remember me?” Jaehyun said and the boy nodded.

“I’m sorry.” The boy said and Jaehyun grabbed his hands and even if they were a bit cold he held them down in his lap, caressing his knuckles softly.

“It’s okay, I’ll make you remember.” Jaehyun said smiling, “Because you’re my king Lee Taeyong and I waited 1479 years just to find you again.”

“What?” at this Taeyong almost wanted to run away, this man sounded crazy and maybe he should ran and maybe he shouldn’t have come looking for him in the first place. But the tone and the way he said it made it look so real he was rooted to the ground. He didn’t know why or what was going on, but when he looked in his eyes he knew that if this man told him he was an alien from another earth or a superhero he would believe him without blinking.

“I might sound crazy to you, but I am speaking the truth and you will soon remember too.” Jaehyun said and as he let go of his hands he moved closer and before Taeyong could reply to that Jaehyun embraced him again. Taeyong was quick to respond to his hug and as he breathed in his shoulder and noticed how Jaehyun tightened his hug he just let his head fall on his shoulder again and embrace the warmth Jaehyun gave him.

“It’s so calm,” Taeyong spoke as he broke the embrace and Jaehyun could only smile, “This is the calmest I felt in my whole life. It’s like I’m floating on clouds.” Jaehyun didn’t respond, he just stood there and smiled at his words.

They looked at each other and before Jaehyun could say something out of the ordinary again Taeyong spoke.

“Jaehyun,” he began slowly as he searched for something in his pockets, “Give me your number please? I kind of want to see you again.”

“Sure.” At this Jaehyun just let out a small chuckle and took the phone from Taeyong’ hand and typed his number on the keyboard. “I’d like that too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: So this is chapter 3 and I hope I didn’t make anyone as confused as Taeyong hehe ^^ I will try not to rush this story and it will take some time to make Taeyong remember he is the king so I’m sorry for that but I hope you will enjoy the story until then!  
> Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments! It might help me develop this story haha because sometimes I’m not sure what I’m doing and I’m trying to write fluff in this one and it seems that I’m not that good with it OTL  
> Well with that said, see you next chapter and thank you for reading!


	4. RAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: I’m sorry for taking this long to write this chapter but I got stuck at it and I finally managed to finish it. OTL  
> Well with that said, I hope this chapter is satisfying and feel free to tell me what you think! Thank you for reading~

The winds stopped after a while and as the moon came raising high on the evening sky, the mist cleared and Jaehyun was left alone on the bench once more. The sky painted colors of orange and faded pink, giving off a contempt feeling, something close to happiness, and yet not quite, but as the clouds turned purple and as they cleared away, the horizon was blue once more. There was sadness in the sky, and the more Jaehyun gazed the more he wanted to cry. Whether it was a cry of joy or a cry of sorrow he didn’t know. 

He closed his eyes and breathed a big cloud of air. He let his mind wonder to a time where he was able to do whatever he wanted if he wished for it. There was a time when with just rising his hand the skies cleared or rain poured down. When all he had to do was sit by his king and fulfill his every command, where the one he loved knew who he was and that was enough. But most of all, there was a part of him that missed that power, the thrill of having to hide it, the excitement of using it in secret and yet, it could never compare with the pleasure that came with it, the power of being able to use it however you want.

There was always a tingle in his fingertips, but this time the tingle felt more powerful, more like a sting and upon opening his eyes he raised his hand to the skies once more. He slowly moved his fingers and as if he was dancing on thin air sparks started to flicker at the end of his fingertips and before he knew it, the lights started to form a small image. Jaehyun was fully focused on what was happening. Something was off and something inside of him felt as if life started to run through his veins again. He focused some more on his hand, thinking of how to control what was happening, thinking of that lost time when he could do this just by snapping his fingers. As a smile started to linger on its frowned face the yellow glitter that was in front of his hand turned into a small golden dragon.

Jaehyun couldn’t believe it, the little creature came to life in front of his eyes and then as he let his hand turn around the dragon fell into his palm. He drew his hand closer, he thought it was a dream; that this couldn’t be. He hadn’t been able to do such a thing in so long that his body didn’t even remember how it felt to control magic. It was something simple, this was something young warlocks would learn and would master in a matter of hours and yet, for him this was something colossal. His body couldn’t remember how good it felt to feel the little streaks of light and the tingling sensation in his stomach as sparks of magic animated his body once more.

The dragon laid there for some seconds and then he looked up and spreading his wings he started to fly around in front of his face. He moved its wings up and down in repeated moves and Jaehyun stared at it as if he never saw a bird flying. He was mesmerized by something so simple, so small that he could only stare and smile like a fool at what was happening. 

“This can’t be…” He softly spoke, “I can’t believe it is happening.”

His body filled with joy, his soul was responding to all of these old sensations, he was stunned and all he could think was that he had to try it out, something that would confirm it all, whether he was dreaming, whether he was seeing things, or just, whether it was real or not. Before he could even think some more he got up and raising both his hands towards the lake he straightened his posture and taking a deep breath he started to chant the only spell he could think in that moment.

_“Elementum recolligo huic locus. Commodo mihi vestri vox. elementum unda ego dico vos. Permissum pluit. Is est meus nos sic vadum is exsisto.”_ He said it once, and it felt so right as the words left his tongue that he had to say it twice. The blue seemed to change its color and then he said it again and again, he said it until he lost count of it and as he stared at the sky it felt as if it was working.

He had to sit back down for a moment to take it all in. In the distance the skies turned black and as a storm came thundering its way towards the town, the heavy clouds approached the island and with a final bark of lightning, rain started to pour down from the sky. It fell heavy, as if buckets poured from the skies and Jaehyun felt like he was born again.

“It’s raining,” he softly said the obvious, “I called for rain and I made it.” Jaehyun spoke to himself again and he didn’t know what to do or what to feel. It felt so good to feel magic running through his veins again that he was at a loss. He started to laugh like a lunatic and probably was by the way he acted in that moment. He started to run and yell that it’s raining and that it was his doing and even if there was almost no one on the streets to hear him he still sounded crazy. Maybe he really was, after all, in this era and age someone using magic, real magic, didn’t exist.

“I have magic.” Was all he could rasp out before he felt his head heavy, his vision started to blur out, he felt his eyes sting and as he looked at the sky once more he gripped his chest with his right hand and tears started to flow down his cheeks and along with another bolt of lightning he fell to the ground.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Taeyong managed to return to the shop right in time. The heavy rain outside would have had him wet to his underwear. He let out a small sigh as he closed the door behind him and then a smile started to form on his face. He had never felt this good about something before, he didn’t know what has gotten into him but he was so happy that he almost wanted to brag about it to every single person he laid eyes on. It was as if he was proud of himself for talking, following and getting a bit closer to Jaehyun.

“Man~ what’s with this storm?” a black haired boy spoke as he cleaned a table and frowned towards Taeyong. It was almost closing time and he ran off somewhere all of a sudden and they were all left there baffled about what happened.

“It started raining all of a sudden and it’s not like we don’t know our weather is always unpredictable but this is really unexpected.” Someone spoke from behind the black haired boy and as he sat down on the table the said boy was cleaning he let his head fall on the table and looking up he just smirked. The black haired boy only let out a huff and went to clean another table.

“It will stop, it’s not like they last much anyway.” Doyoung said from behind the counter where he was feeding Taeil some fruits and the boy looked like his mother, rather than his boyfriend, or brother. No one really understood their relationship and for Taeyong it didn’t matter either way.

“What’s with that smug look on your face?” the black haired boy inquired as he moved to sit on the other’s boy lap, placing his slim arm over the boy’s shoulder and letting it rest there. It was normal for them too, when Taeyong first met them, they were already together and they were showing off their love and happiness and they didn’t care who saw them. As long as they were happy, Taeyong didn’t care who they dated or who they loved. And it wasn’t as if he hasn’t dated his number of girls and boys before, so he was in no position to judge anyone.

“What look, I have no look.” Taeyong said and it sounded more like a pout than an argument. Then out of the corner of its eye Taeyong saw that Doyoung was pretty much laughing at him while he just mumbled something as he gave Taeil another piece of that apple he was stuffing him with and he knew that he was probably blushing and with no point of return.

“Come on now, tell us why you ran like a lunatic out of that door and came back all smiles and rainbows.” Someone from behind the kitchen window said while motioning towards him with a spoon and Taeyong knew he had to say it now and he was ready to brag about it. Because he was proud of what he did for once and he wanted them all to know how happy he was. Even if this was something small, to him it meant something, something he wasn’t ready to admit. 

“Fine, fine, I followed the guy that hugged me.” He said matter-of-factly as he eyed everyone and all of them, more or less, lifted their eyebrows and gave him judging looks. “His name is Jaehyun and I swear he’s normal. We just talked on the bench that’s in front of that lake he kept calling Avalon and I helped him put his scarf on.”

“Oh, you helped him put his scarf on?” The black haired boy repeated and he pretty much was smirking by now.

“Oh shut it Ten, it’s just a scarf.” Taeyong said blushing and turning around he went to sit down on one of the cushions that were closer to the window. “Then I might have asked for his number so I can see him again…” he finished avoiding all of the eyes that landed on him.

“Well done, well done.” A hyena like laugh came out from behind Taeyong and he felt like he just did something he shouldn’t have. Maybe it would have been wiser to just tell them he was crazy and that’s how crazy people manifest.

“Well, it’s not like we have better love stories to tell.” Taeil said while he swallowed another piece of fruit and as he stood up he took Doyoung hand in his and staring up in Doyoung’s eyes with a knowing look on its face he smiled and said, “Just let him be, maybe this time, his heart will get what it wants.”

Taeyong was baffled again, confused because he felt left out. He felt that once again everyone knew something he didn’t. He felt as if that thing he had to know was something that could change his whole life and he wanted to know it so bad and if it was something he forgot he wanted to remember it so badly.

“Why do I feel like you all know something and you’re all keeping it from me?” Taeyong questioned and even if they all exchanged knowing looks they didn’t say anything and then Ten jumped from the lap he was sitting on like a schoolgirl and coming forward, the boy he sat on sensed he wanted to do something stupid so he grabbed his hand and stopped him. He shook his head and Taeyong was starting to question if this thing was good or bad.

“Johnny, he has to know someday.” Ten said as he let Johnny drag him back in his lap. Johnny just smiled at him and as he pecked his cheek and took Ten’s hand, while Ten slowly moved his legs up and down, and he whispered softly while caressing his knuckles, “I know.” 

Taeyong just spared them a look and then decided to give up, maybe it wasn’t something he should remember after all. Since everyone was so fixated on keeping it from him, maybe it was something bad. They all resumed to cleaning the tables and arrange the chairs so they would be in their place. In the kitchen Doyoung and Taeil offered their help with the dishes while Taeyong and Ten talked on one of the big red cushions that was placed near the window, for those customers who liked to look outside. They watched how buckets of water poured from the sky and soon enough they wanted to snap a picture or two of a lightning.

It was peaceful, everyone enjoyed this calm the shop had after a busy day. Taeyong enjoyed a cup of tea while Ten stood next to him and resting his head on its shoulder he watched Johnny and smiled. The boy would sometimes catch him staring and would smile back or threw him a kiss, and Taeyong could only smile. From his usual seat, he had perfect view of the whole shop. He could see Taeil playing on its phone when he wasn’t staring at Doyoung, he could see Yuta in the kitchen making food, he could see how the youngest of them watched cartoons on the TV that was on one of the walls the shop had.

He liked this atmosphere but he felt like something was missing now. He didn’t know what happened, but today he felt strange and right now he wasn’t calm at all, he was excited because of some unknown reason. He wanted to blame it all on Jaehyun again, because after all, today was so crazy that even his senses told him something was off. He liked the feeling of not knowing what would happen next but he was even more excited because he wanted to see Jaehyun again.

“Uhm, not to disturb anyone from their day-dreaming,” said Johnny as he opened the shop door and a cold breeze along with the smell of rain and wet cement entered the space. He squat down and continued as he motioned for the body laying down on the pavement, completely knocked out “but I’m pretty sure this is Jaehyun.”

Taeyong moved so fast that Ten fell from his shoulder and hit the cushion the boy sat on with his face. Doyoung came from the kitchen rushing to the door and helping Taeyong and Johnny as they bought Jaehyun in and letting him rest on the divan.

His clothes were soaking wet and his beautifully dark hair was all over his face and he was shivering and mumbling things that they couldn’t make up. Taeyong looked at him and it was as if he was afraid to touch him. Then Doyoung saw how Taeyong was just staring at the man before him so he pushed him away and started undressing Jaehyun.

“Close the door.” Doyoung commanded, “And bring some towels and some spare clothes.”

Everyone did as they were told. Johnny rushed to the door and locked it, Ten and Yuta ran to their lockers, in the back of the shop, to fetch some warm clothes and clean towels and Taeyong was left there standing and staring at an unconscious Jaehyun. He didn’t know what to do, he was fine when he left him, a bit cold, but he was fine, completely fine. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t as if people normally pass out because of the rain, or maybe he was afraid of thunder and lightning but still, it was not common for someone to faint just because of that.

“Taeyong, help with something or move away.” Doyoung warned as he watched with the corner of his eye how confused and worried was Taeyong. The boy just nodded and didn’t say much. So he just moved from behind of Doyoung until he was sitting on the divan and slowly raising Jaehyun up, he put his head to rest in his lap.

Doyoung let out a scoff and smiling he let him be. He took care of him as he used the towels Ten and Yuta bought and while drying him out he seemed to come to his senses since the mumbling started to make more sense. It wasn’t really normal sleep talking, since the words still didn’t make sense, but at least now they could make the words out and not just hear gibberish.

“Taeyong…” he said and they all started to focus on him, everyone stopping whatever they were doing. “I have it back.” He finished saying after repeating Taeyong’s name a few times.

And if they were confused at first, they all sure knew what he meant now. Well, except for Taeyong, he couldn’t remember anything and he for sure had no idea what Jaehyun had back. Doyoung sensed it would be dangerous now, since he was pretty much all over the place and if he had his powers back it could turn ugly.

When warlocks are unconscious they can suddenly have power releases and they are never good, it’s never just a spark or a tissue set on fire. It’s always tsunamis, or god knows what earthquake can break out. And with a power like Jaehyun had, earthquakes and tsunamis were the least of their problems. They had to wake him up and they had to do it fast, they never saw Jaehyun knocked out cold and if he only got his magic back now that meant he hadn’t used it in a very long time. He probably could teleport them all around the world in a blink of an eye, or even turn them all into frogs and Ten sure as hell wasn’t ready for Johnny to kiss him until he turned him back.

Doyoung knew about Jaehyun the moment he laid eyes on him, he might have been just a child but he knew there was something special about him. His aura gave off a feeling of bliss and calm. Every time you got close to him he would draw you in and no matter what he said it was always interesting or funny and Doyoung loved that about him. And as he grew up he also could figure out fast that the king had no idea what Jaehyun was hiding. This time was no different. The moment he stepped into the shop he knew it was the young warlock from his memories. He never fully understood why they were all sent here, or what purpose laid behind all of them meeting again, but of one thing he was sure of, Taeyong couldn’t remember and it was not him who should make him remember.

It crossed their minds that maybe it wasn’t Taeyong, maybe he wasn’t the king they all served and admired once before, but when Jaehyun stepped through that door and sat down, the moment when Jaehyun got up and hugged the boy, they were all sure and without any more doubt.

Taeyong just played with his dark locks and as Doyoung finished drying him and it was now time to get him dressed, Jaehyun stirred and with a low mumble he started to slowly open his eyes. He blinked a few times because the first thing he saw was the face of a worried Taeyong and then as he looked around he saw familiar faces with the same look.

The moment he sensed it was okay to touch him some more, Taeyong grabbed him and raised him up so that he could hug him. Jaehyun was confused and didn’t know what to do, or how he got there, but of one thing he was sure of, he felt warm and he wanted to hug him back. So he just circled how he could his arms around Taeyong and slowly patting his shoulder he whispered, “It’s okay, I’m okay.”

“Don’t ever scare me like that.” Taeyong said as he let go of Jaehyun so he could straighten himself a bit. He was still feeling nauseous and his clothes were pretty much unbuttoned and if he could think a bit more he would have realized he was almost shirtless.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said, speaking towards Taeyong but also towards everyone in the room. He looked up and as he tried to arrange his shirt Doyoung only shook his head and threw him a change of clothes. They landed on his lap and Jaehyun only smiled. The action reminded him of Dong Young, and the more he stared at the boy, the more it resembled him.

“It’s okay, you’ll soon be family anyway.” Ten said as he came closer and slapped his shoulder lightly and Jaehyun looked at them confused.

“What he wants to say, is that you’re soon going to be our friend, right?” Yuta said from where he was standing and giving a small nod Ten agreed.

“Thank you, but, can I ask why?” Jaehyun said shyly while he changed his shirt. The fall probably did something to his head too because he wouldn’t normally change his clothes in front of other people. He managed to get his wet shirt off of him and changed into a pink t-shirt that he was given. He had the decency to keep his pants on at least.

“Well, friends of Taeyong, normally turn up to be friends with us.” Johnny said motioning with his hand at everyone in the room and as Jaehyun turned his head he caught the red of Taeyong’s ears as he nodded.

“Friends, huh?” Jaehyun said in a low whisper. It was something he hadn’t had in such a long time that he didn’t even know the word existed anymore. He was so focused on getting or finding Taeyong that he forgot how humans interact with each other. He didn’t know he longed for that too, but as he saw everyone letting out sighs of relief he thought that maybe having friends, well, more like getting his friends back wasn’t that bad.

“I’m Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul,” the boy said as he extended his hand and Jaehyun almost thought he was hearing things, but shook his hand nonetheless. But it was real, the name the boy spoke was the exact same name, sir Ten had and it sounded just as complicated to spell as before. “But you can call me Ten.”

“I’m John Seo, but Johnny is fine.” He said as he gave him a smile while unlinking Ten’s hand and Jaehyun’s. Ten only chuckled at the action and after the two exchanged greetings he grabbed Johnny’s hand in a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m Kim Dong Young,” the boy said and Jaehyun’s eyes were ready to pop out from his head. He was right, it was Dong Young, and then that really meant they were all the Knights of the Round Table. “But my friends call me Doyoung.” He finished and Jaehyun nodded as he too introduced himself for the third time.

“I’m Moon Taeil, his brother,” Taeil said moving his head towards Doyoung and Jaehyun was a bit confused at that, because he was supposed to be the queen’s brother. But he accepted it nevertheless. “Not biological of course.” He felt the need to add and Jaehyun only let out a sigh because that meant he wasn’t wrong.

“Why is everyone so serious all of a sudden?” the youngest of them said and as he got up from the chair he sat next Johnny he moved towards Taeyong and sitting down in his lap he extended his hand and with a big smile plastered on his face he said, “I’m Mark Lee, his brother.” He said as he pointed a finger at Taeyong who only gave him a glare.

“And it seems that I’m the last one,” Another boy that Jaehyun recognized from his past said. He was leaning on the table that was not far from him and as he changed his position he too extended his hand for a handshake and continued, “I’m Nakamoto Yuta.”

Jaehyun only stared around at everyone and he wanted to ask so badly if anyone remembered who they were and if this was all just a coincidence. He didn’t know how to react so he just excused himself and getting up, not feeling so numb now, he asked for the bathroom so that he could change his pants too.

Doyoung offered his help and he showed Jaehyun the way. On its way there he saw how Taeyong scolded Mark for sitting in his lap, he saw how Johnny and Ten hugged and he saw the stare Taeil had as he followed Doyoung. It was just like back then, when they all had to hide and they were not allowed to breed such feelings and yet, because times changed, they were free now. Free to love.

“Thanks,” Jaehyun said once they entered the bathroom.

“I know who you are.” Doyoung said and Jaehyun didn’t know for a moment what he meant but then it clicked. If he recognized everyone then Doyoung must have remembered it too. “Taeyong is the only one who doesn’t remember.”

“I noticed,” Jaehyun said chuckling as he turned around he started to change his clothes. “So everyone remembers then?” he stated the obvious once more, just to be sure he heard that correctly.

“Yeah, even Mark…” Doyoung said, the last part more softly than normal. If they all remembered then that meant they knew that it was Mark who killed the king. “But he regrets it now.” Doyoung said fast, reassuring Jaehyun.

“Figures, since they are brothers.” Jaehyun replied, not really concerned.

“Anyway, I’m not sure if it’s okay to make Taeyong remember who he is.” Doyoung said as he leant on the wall next to the door. “I’m not sure how he is going to take the fact that he is the king and that Mark, his brother, pretty much killed him.”

“I’m here,” Jaehyun replied, fixated on making Taeyong remember his past self, “As long as I’m here, no, as long as I’m alive, Taeyong will be protected and no harm will touch him ever again.” He warned and Doyoung only let out a small chuckle.

“Same as always I see.” Doyoung said while he turned around to leave.

“Wait, I have a question,” Jaehyun stopped him before he could leave.

“Ask away.” Doyoung said, “But if it’s about Taeyong’s love life, then rest assured, he’s single.” He finished while smirking at Jaehyun and he only blushed.

“No, I wanted to ask, are you all born in this time?” Jaehyun said and it sounded pretty dumb but Doyoung understood what he meant.

“Yeah. I and Taeil, and well, the queen, were born here and only later we got into an accident and remembered who we were.” Doyoung explained and Jaehyun only nodded in understanding. “Why are you asking though? Aren’t you the same?”

“No, not quite.” Jaehyun said as he smiled at him and as they both walked out and Doyoung waited for an explanation Jaehyun only said simply, “I waited to meet you all again.”


	5. HOPE

The clouds slowly cleared as the moon started to appear on the navy sky. The after-rain breeze started to settle in and the sound of rain hitting the windows and the pavement was tuning down, the droplets slowly decreasing and along with it the magic that called this storm fading like the wind. Slowly and then all at once. And by the time it stopped it was as if it never happened, it was as if this was just a normal storm and a normal rainy day in Britain.

Jaehyun didn’t know he missed his magic until he got the chance to taste it again. The power was like no other, to him it felt as if this time it was stronger. Maybe it was because it was dormant all this time, maybe it was because in this world magic didn’t exist and he was the only one with it. He could feel the light, the sparks of it and all those things he felt before, flowing through its veins. It was consuming his soul again and he missed it, he missed it so bad that he couldn’t wait to use it once more.

He wanted to use it again, he wanted to take them back in time, to their land, where everything was maybe perfect to him. Where Taeyong knew who he was, where he could be at his side and see him every day, every moment, and whenever he wished. Where Taeyong would come into his room and cuddle him to sleep and Jaehyun would look at his sleeping face and smile bitterly because he would never get more than this. Where he felt that maybe there was a part of Taeyong that loved him too, where he fed himself lies and always had that false hope that his king needed him more than he said, more than he let it show.

“I better get going now.” Jaehyun said as he stopped staring out on the window as the raindrops poured down on the glass and finally turned his head to scan the room for Taeyong. Everyone pretty much left when they saw the rain slowly dying down.

Mark was the first one to leave, telling Taeyong to call if he wasn’t coming home tonight, since their parents might get worried. Yuta stayed a bit more, saying he had something to work on in the kitchen. Taeil and Doyoung, left as soon as Jaehyun started to feel a bit better. Doyoung only gave the boy a confused look before they waved him goodbye. Johnny and Ten left soon too. Ten was kind enough to let him borrow his shirt, but he made him promise to give it back since he liked that piece of cloth and upon hearing this Jaehyun turned to look at Yuta and Yuta just laughed at him and told him to keep the pants, he has other pairs anyway.

“No wait,” Taeyong said running towards him. He came out from the back, where their lockers were and he didn’t even finish buttoning his shirt. “I’ll take you home.” He spat out faster than Jaehyun could ask him to button the remaining of his clothes.

He has seen his king undressed before, they took baths together in the past and sometimes Taeyong liked to tease Jaehyun and make him help with getting dressed. But being away for so long made him forget all that and now he felt like a virgin boy seeing a girl with her skirt too short for the first time. His cheeks heated up and his eyes were looking anywhere but the boy standing in front of him.

“It’s okay, I can get home on my own.” Jaehyun tried to say as he thought of something else. Anything to take away his mind of Taeyong, because he only got to spare him a glance and he saw all he needed to see. Sharp collarbones, broad shoulders and the more buttons he did the more his shirt moved and revealing a small belly button and a v line drawing down to his red pants was a sight he didn’t know he needed.

“No I insist,” Taeyong said continuing to do his buttons and arrange his shirt, “you just fainted, I need to make sure you’re ok.” Taeyong said finishing his last button and going with a hand through his silver hair he made sure to ruffle it so now it was sticking out in all the right places and Jaehyun could only gulp down air because the man sitting in front of him was hotter than he remembered.

Jaehyun thought how easy it would be to just snap his fingers and they would be home. If he thought about it a bit more maybe he could snap his fingers and they would be back home in Camelot, in their room. They could sit by the fireplace and warm themselves up, then they could play some games and maybe he could tickle Taeyong again when he loses, because he sucked at any games and maybe it was just Taeyong letting him win every time, or maybe it was just him using magic to cheat, just so that he could hear his laugh. It was heaven every time his laugh echoed in the castle, music to his ears and he wanted to hear it again, he missed his smile, he missed his laugh, but the part he missed right now was his warm embrace under the sheets. He wanted to hear his snoring, his soft breathing sounds as he stared at him and tried to move his grey locks without waking him up.

“Ok. Let’s go then.” Jaehyun managed to say and with a smile he got up, arranged his clothes a bit and when he looked at Taeyong again and then looking at himself he wanted to laugh. He looked like a child, with his red scarf around his neck, his pink t-shirt and black jeans. His boots that didn’t match the shirt and his hair sticking out in all the wrong places. His accessories that didn’t match anything he wore and with a cartoon bag in his hand caring his wet clothes.

“My car is outside.” Taeyong said as he fished out his keys and they jingled in the air before he caught them in his hand and moved towards the door. Jaehyun watched his beautiful frame as he moved in front of him and in a split of second he saw the red cape embracing his shoulders and falling down next to his feet, his sword laying loose in its place at his side and as he turned around to spare him a glance before he motioned with his eyes to come already, he saw the warm smile he missed so much.

“Coming, coming.” Jaehyun said with a small pout and he could have sworn he heard Taeyong whisper a ‘cute’ under his breath. He didn’t know what has gotten into him but he felt rather happy even if he just woke up after fainting, he felt rather well. He blamed it on his magic, but he knew it was Taeyong and his wellbeing standing next to him.

Taeyong opened the door and yelled a ‘goodbye, see you tomorrow’ to Yuta and waiting for Jaehyun to cross the doorstep, he made sure to close the door after them. They left the shop, stepping out in the chilly air of the night and Jaehyun kept rubbing his arms, because he could feel his skin tingle at the cold that embraced them. It would have been easier to just warm himself up with his magic, but he wasn’t sure if Taeyong wouldn’t notice that his hands would practically glow, so he just abandoned that idea and shivered alone.

With the corner of his eye Taeyong saw the action and got worried a bit too fast. He was a bit cold too, but at least his shirt was a long sleeved one and he didn’t walk in the rain and faint like Jaehyun so he could understand why he was cold. He started to walk faster and hoping Jaehyun would follow suit, he rushed towards his car, he opened it with the remote in his hand and rapidly grabbed his jacket from the backseat before Jaehyun could get in the car, or even reach it. He then turned around with it in his hands and seeing that Jaehyun finally caught up he grabbed his hand and taking the bag from it and tossing it in the backseat he only smiled at him and then he carefully placed the jacket on his shoulders.

“I’m fine, but thanks.” Jaehyun said blushing a bit.

“Sure, you are, that’s why you’re shivering like a dog in the rain.” Taeyong said and then when he saw the pout Jaehyun’s face he just turned away fast and going to the other side of the car he opened the door for Jaehyun. “Get in, we’re going home.”

“Yeah, let’s go home.” Jaehyun let it slip past his lips, unconsciously, and only realized what he said when he made a round of the car and watched Taeyong from up close, noticing that he too realized what word he let out and as he grabbed the jacket with his hand, he let his head fall down and took a seat in the car.

‘Home’ was such a strange word for him. He didn’t have one, he hadn’t had one in a long time, what he had now was an apartment, close to his work place, and he never called that a home. It was just a place to live until he had to move again, that’s what everything was. ‘Home’ is where your heart is and his heart was in Camelot, his heart was with his king by his side, laughing and talking about nothings all day. For him it was always the same thing, ‘home’ was where Taeyong is, so maybe taking Taeyong to his place would make it ‘home’.

The ride was silent not long after they got in. Taeyong had the pleasure to play on some songs, and Jaehyun learned that even if his looks yelled rap music, he played a soft song, something that reminded him of the man he once was. He moved past generations and generations in rows, but he could never find the music that reminded him of home. The songs that played at every party or fair they had in Camelot, he couldn’t find something to hold on to that could remind him of his lost kingdom.

When he still had magic he would use enchanted items to go back to that time, to hear the melody of Camelot, or he would just enchant his scarf and he would see Taeyong and the memories they once shared. Laughs in the night, as they strolled in chilly spring, through the pots of pink and red flowers, small roses growing sprinkled through them and walking the pathways till they reached the gates and as they opened, they took their time to stroll around the castle walls and before they knew it they were by the seashore looking at the starry sky. Hearing the waves as they come closer to the bank and hitting the rocks, sprinkling some droplets of water on the margins and the smell of ocean water stronger at night. The chilly wind welcoming them and even if Jaehyun wanted to fill the sky with fireworks every time, just so that he could see the sparkle in his eyes, the smile that would creep on his face and as he glowed looking at the horizon he could admire it all. But he couldn’t do any of that, because Taeyong was unaware of his magic.

Taeyong chose his song well, the instrumental that started playing was perfect for such a night. The song itself was something that when he heard the lyrics made him see how rare and beautiful this world really is. He never cared much about seeing the world beyond the window, he never cared about the flickering lights, he didn’t want to light fireworks anymore, he didn’t want to saunter the seashore, he stopped caring about the couples strolling on the sidewalk, or about those people who just came out alone to stare at the stars filling the night. He never stopped to admire the beauty of it because his beauty was a sole island that no one cared about but him, and his beauty was the person sitting right next to him, smiling and humming along with the song. There was always a wall between him and the world, because without Taeyong by his side the world was painted in shades of grey and even if the sun glowed yellow and orange, even if the sky was painted with faded shades of purple or pink, to him it would all look grey, because the one that colored up his world was not there to paint it all again.

“Tell me something about you,” Taeyong broke the silence and stopped the rain of thoughts that Jaehyun had, startling him for a moment and then as he began to think about what to say, Taeyong just started to ask questions. “What’s your favorite color?”

“What’s that, just like you ask children,” Jaehyun said with a chuckle and he could see Taeyong getting a bit embarrassed but he answered nonetheless, “Red. I like red, you?”

“Me too, but sometimes I like yellow too.” Taeyong said, actually thinking hard about this question. “Ah, speaking of red, that’s why you wear that scarf, right? Since it’s red.” Taeyong went on and for a moment Jaehyun thought it was another dumb question, but then hope started to bottle up inside, maybe like this he would remember, maybe the scarf could be the trigger to his memories.

“This scarf,” Jaehyun said raising his hand to touch it and smiling bitterly, “was given to me a long time ago, by someone special to me.”

“It must have been a really special person if you still wore it.” Taeyong said, felling something in his gut that told him there was more to it that it seems. He wanted to ask more questions, he wanted to know more about that special person.

“Yeah, he is the person I love the most in this world.” Jaehyun said and something in Taeyong started to tie knots in his belly. Was it jealousy, he wasn’t sure, but there was something that told him ask more, maybe you fit the pattern, maybe you can be that person.

“How is this person?” Taeyong asked, his hands gripping the wheel harder. Jaehyun only smiled at that, because that person was sitting right next to him, getting all worked up over nothing. If only it would be that simple to tell him right now that it was him who he loved so dearly, but he knew better than to do that. Maybe his mind was ready but his heart wasn’t. If Taeyong were to refuse him he couldn’t take it, it would crush him and he couldn’t live with that pain.

“He is the greatest man I ever met. His eyes are always warm, even if he looks cold, deep down he’s warm and kind. He liked to arrange my scarf for me, he liked to tease me and he never accepted that I was right.” Jaehyun said and Taeyong felt the need to pull over and stop the car. He felt like something was going to happen, or more like, he was about to do something, he wanted to do something that he wasn’t allowed to do yet.

“He seems like nice man,” Taeyong whispered under his breath and Jaehyun only chuckled at that.

“He was stubborn like that, but I still liked his personality. He could be childish and he would play with me for the whole day. When we were kids he would like to take my hand and we would play in the garden and he would always stumble and fall and I would always be there to catch him.” Jaehyun continued as he remembered the times when they were ten years old and without a care in the world.

“You really love him, huh?” Taeyong said, completely obvious, because no matter how you looked at Jaehyun, the words that left his lips were filled with so much feeling and tenderness that for a moment there he wished he was that man that Jaehyun admired oh so dearly.

“Yes, and he doesn’t even know that.” Jaehyun replied, looking Taeyong in the eyes. There was a longing in them that he didn’t know he could show. His face started to show emotions he hasn’t seen before, and he started to wonder if he was beginning to remember or not. “He liked to come into my room at night, we would play games and he always let me win. I would punish him and he would laugh so hard that his voice would echo in the whole castle.”

“Castle?” Taeyong questioned and Jaehyun only nodded but then he remembered, Taeyong must think he’s crazy again. “Are you kidding me?” He said laughing, “Fine, don’t tell me why you love him.”

“I just told you thou,” Jaehyun replied to his comment and Taeyong only turned back and with his big hands he started to ruffle Jaehyun’s hair and with a free hand Jaehyun attacked back and started to tickle the boy and before he knew it Taeyong started to laugh and oh how he missed that sound.

“Stop, please, I can’t –“Taeyong started to beg and he didn’t even care if he hit the wheel with his elbow a few times or if Jaehyun hit his head to the top of the car, he was happy. He was laughing so much and he felt like he was going crazy. Everywhere Jaehyun touched started to tingle and burn and it was as if his whole soul was responding to his touch and he didn’t know if he wanted him to stop or not.

When Jaehyun finally stopped and sat back down they were puffing and huffing and his heart was beating so hard that he thought it would jump out of his chest. He missed this so much and he wanted to keep Taeyong for him, he wanted to stay some more with the boy. Taeyong started the car again but his heart was racing in his chest and he never felt this good before. He blamed it on the tickle session he just had but deep down he knew fully well it wasn’t that.

It was as if there was this force that was drawing them together and the more they stood by each other the more emotions they could experience. The more Taeyong stayed next to Jaehyun the more he wanted to touch him, to hug him, to lock him up and keep him to himself and the more Jaehyun stood by Taeyong the more he wanted to kiss him, to hold his hand and to have him sleep in his arms. Taeyong didn’t know why a stranger made him feel all these things, why in such a short period of time he wanted this man and for a moment he thought that maybe, those things he has to remember are linked to him, because he never felt this comfortable beside a stranger and it was so weird that he never wanted to leave his side.

“Is there someone special in your life?” Jaehyun asked, trying to change the subject towards Taeyong. He kept in mind what Doyoung told him earlier that day, about him being single, and Jaehyun didn’t want to get his hopes up, but it was as if they were going there on their own.

“There used to be someone.” Taeyong replied but he didn’t know why he said that. There was no one special for him, there never was. He longed for true love, he wanted to experience it. His fathers had it, or so he liked to think, and each time they would look at each other Taeyong wanted someone to look at him like that too. He felt as if there was someone he considered special, but it was buried so deep in his memories that he couldn’t pin it down to a face or a name. He just felt that somewhere in his past there used to be someone so he considered special. “Or so I think.” He said and Jaehyun was left there confused, because it didn’t make much sense.

Sometimes he would dream of a boy, he would hear his voice and the little boy would always grab his hand and take him to places he has never been before. He would wander the woods and then without even knowing he would see the ocean waves hitting the shore. Sometimes he would dream of the starry sky and how they stood side by side on the fresh summer night grass and watch the stars. In those times he thought how nice it would be if fireworks would lit up the sky. He always thought that it was all a dream, but now he had this feeling that it might not be just that, there was something that made him think they were memories.

Meeting Jaehyun made him question what the boy said, what if he really was a king that lived in a castle? What if those dreams were never dreams but memories? He would wake up after each dream and without even knowing what happened and having just bits and pieces he wanted to meet the boy that appeared in his dreams. And now, Jaehyun kept telling him things and he felt as if they were true. His mind was telling him that it was impossible but what if?

“If you take a right here, we’ll reach my apartment complex.” Jaehyun said motioning with his hand the street he was talking about. Taeyong turned right and as they went straight ahead on the road, after a minute or so they reached the parking lot of the apartment building. He stopped the car and it was as if he didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to get down and even if there was the guarantee that he would be seeing him tomorrow or again next time, he wanted to stay just a bit more.

“Your apartment is rather far.” Taeyong blurted out and as Jaehyun was unblocking his seatbelt, he just hummed in response. It was far from the coffee shop, but if he wanted to see the lake he had to walk there anyway. A bit of exercise did him good. He opened the door and Taeyong was still in the car watching him. He wanted to say something but he didn’t know what.

“Do you want to come up for a cup of tea or something?” Jaehyun asked as he was with one foot out of the car. “I mean I know it’s late but I want to chat some more. And you must be hungry. I can cook.” Jaehyun kept going on and it was as if he wasn’t stopping.

“Yeah, I want to come.” Taeyong said right after. Unblocking his seatbelt he took out the keys from ignition and as he opened the door he got off too. They both looked at each other before Taeyong opened the backdoor and took out the cartoon bag that contained Jaehyun’s clothes. He closed that door too and with the bag in his hand he searched for Jaehyun, but he was already waiting for him with the building door open.

Jaehyun led the way and as they climbed the stairs Taeyong started to become excited. He kept playing with the keys in his hand, and the more he turned them, the more they jingled and probably resonated in the whole staircase. Jaehyun was no different than Taeyong. He could feel how his stomach ted knots and the closer he was to the door he started to panic. He completely forgot how messy he was and if Taeyong was still the same then that meant he had to clean the whole house, because Taeyong was a cleaning freak and even if time passed and he was reborn again, he was sure the boy was still as obsessed with cleaning as he was back then.

The moment he reached the door of his apartment he knew it was now or never. He suddenly turned around, his hands at his back and with a smile on his face he looked at Taeyong that was standing in front of him.

“Is there something wrong?” Taeyong questioned and Jaehyun rapidly moved his fingers and thinking of a spell he clapped his hands together and hopefully the little light from behind would go unnoticed by the boy.

“No, nothing, let’s go in.” Jaehyun said as he unlocked the door and opened it. And as expected, the moment he stepped inside it was sparkling clean. From the hall you could see the kitchen and there were no more packs or bags of frozen food threw around, the dishes from the sink were all washed clean and the chairs were nicely put at the table. The dust on the hosier cabinet that was next to the door was also wiped out and if he tried really hard from the cracked door that led to his bedroom as he took a few more steps he could see that his bed was also made.

Taeyong took out his shoes and he placed the bag with the clothes down on the cabinet. Jaehyun made a movement with the hand that he can go in and take a seat in the living room that was connecting his bedroom with the kitchen. Taeyong did as he was told and started going towards the living room. He found a couch that was right in the middle and took a seat there. He was a bit fidgeting so he started to scan the room, trying to figure something out about Jaehyun by the way he arranged his things.

From the couch he was sitting he could feel some sort of atmosphere that was almost familiar. Jaehyun lived on an apartment at the last floor of the building he had a chimney on the right wall from the couch, and the fire was slowly burning. For a moment he thought when he had time to light it up, but then he let that go because the furniture was simply beautiful. The chimney had a wooden frame, to which were engraved with white murals and drawings that if you looked closely resembled wings. A black oak dresser stood by an alymere desk which had papers piled up in folders that looked as old as the furniture. As he took a better look at the furniture, the coach he was sitting was made of brown ash and the spirals at the feet made it look more medieval than the gold flowers on the cushions and the red patterns that were on the material. In front of the sofa there was a small rectangular table, there were iron circles that looked like cuffs and chains under the glass, on the margins there were buttons and each corner had small patters of circles that made it look more like the medieval times the more he looked around. The carpet had the same red and yellow patters he used to see in museums, with small sprinkles of green and blue. The only thing that didn’t look like it came from the sixteenth century was the home-cinema TV and the remote.

“Turn on the TV, let it faze out in the background, or just play any music you like.” Jaehyun yelled from the kitchen where he was getting some dinner ready. Because Taeyong couldn’t see what he was doing in the kitchen he was so happy that practically every spoon, bowl or ingredient was flying around him. Everything he needed to do was there at his side and he only had to move his hands and everything moved on its own and with his right hand he started to heat up the food and in a matter of seconds the steak was ready and the vegetables were cut and then with a final touch he arranged everything on plates and he was ready to call Taeyong in to start eating because he was proud of what he did.

“Your furniture is really another level, how do you even afford all these?” Taeyong said as he came out from the door and entered the kitchen. The moment he stepped in he was in awe at what Jaehyun prepared in such short time. It was practically impossible but it was there right in front of his eyes. Meatballs nicely arranged one by one in the wooden basket, pork steak on a wooden plate with some tomatoes and onions placed together like in a picture and in front of each chair stood a bowl of shredded potatoes and on top of each there were two pieces of bacon and by the edges there were sprinkled little broccoli trees.

“I’m a doctor, but mostly of the furniture I have I gathered over the years.” Jaehyun said matter-of-factly, and Taeyong was really taken aback by all this. It was as if the moment he stepped inside he was in a whole another world and he didn’t know why but it was all so familiar and relaxing that he almost felt like he wanted to call it home. “Now come, sit, and let’s eat.”

“This is seriously too much.” Taeyong managed to say but his mouth was simply watering at the view in front of him. It was all displayed so beautifully that he could feel his mouth water. He took a few experimental steps but before he knew it he was sitting at the table devouring the food.

“Is it good?” Jaehyun said and as Taeyong looked at him with a big smile on his face and his plate almost empty he just nodded like a kid that was eating cake. “Good because you’re too skinny so eat up.”

“You’re not eating either, you’re just staring at me.” Taeyong managed to say between bites and he was right. Jaehyun didn’t feel like eating, he would rather stare at Taeyong how he ate than eat. The boy ate with such happiness on his face that he wanted to give him more, to feed him as much as he can, to give him everything he wished for.

“I don’t feel like eating.” Jaehyun replied simply and even if Taeyong gave him a pout Jaehyun only thought he was cute and the more food he ate the more he loved to see him eat and for a moment he thought he could watch him forever but he was done now. Jaehyun got up and turning around he took out a cup and poured some water for him.

“Thanks.” Taeyong said as he took the water and started to gulp it down.

“So, about that tea I was talking about,” Jaehyun spoke as if testing the waters and Taeyong was all ears, “how about we make it hot cocoa?”

“I’d love that.” Taeyong replied and as he got up he placed the cutlery on his plate and raising it up he took it to the sink.

“Let me take care of that, you’re my guest so please, make yourself like home.” Jaehyun said taking notice that Taeyong wanted to help with clearing the table.

“If you want me to feel like home then you have to let me help you, since I wash dishes as home.” Taeyong answered back, not even thinking about not giving a hand with all the cleaning after that delicious meal he just had.

“No really it’s okay,” Jaehyun said as he placed the last plate in the sink and turned on the water, “I’ll be done in a second.” And he really meant that, because all he had to do was snap his finger and the dishes would be washed, the table cleaned and the cocoa ready to drink.

The moment Jaehyun turned around to take a plate in his hand Taeyong came from the back and he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing until he felt two hands that circled his waist and a head that fell on his shoulder with a small puff. Jaehyun felt his heart speed up and his hands froze in place.

“I’m a bit tired, so I will rest here while you wash.” Taeyong said then as if this was normal and the action was something they did every day. He forgot how clingy Taeyong was and after not touching him all these years he felt as if Taeyong was ready to break down all the walls he built around his heart.

“There’s a bed for that.” Jaehyun said, trying to sound calm but when he almost broke the bowl in his hand he knew he failed.

“But you make me feel calm.” Taeyong said and Jaehyun could have sworn he just tightened the embrace and his breath ghosted over his neck and chin. “When I’m around you, I feel warm inside.”

“You just met me today.” Jaehyun said trying to talk some sense into him and as he finished the last dish he tried to reach for a towel to dry his hands but as he turned around Taeyong only let him rotate before he trapped him back in his embrace.

“I feel like I know you for more.” Taeyong said, his face serious and his eyes boring into Jaehyun’s like he was trying to dig holes. “Your voice reminds me of something, your apartment feels like it’s another time and the way you cooked that meal it’s like magic.”

“And what if it was?” Jaehyun said, feeling his fingertips tingle again. “What if this was another time? What if I cooked with magic?”

“I would believe you,” Taeyong said closing in, his breath ghosting over Jaehyun’s lips. “Because I feel like you could tell me that pigs can fly and that the ninja turtles are real and I would believe you.”

“Why do you believe me like this?” Jaehyun said looking into Taeyong’s eyes and he felt as if time stopped for a moment because Taeyong was so beautiful, almost angelic and even if their pupils were shaking and moving from each other’s eyes to lips, they still stood like that, testing the waters, waiting for one of them to back out.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong said before he closed the space even more and they were practically breathing each other’s air and as he rested his forehead on Jaehyun’s he slowly closed his eyes, “But I know I feel like I should have done this earlier.”

Jaehyun felt his breath fawn over his nose and before he could take another breath a hand was behind his nape and drawing his head in their lips connected. Jaehyun stood there unable to process what was happening and all he could think about was that Taeyong kissed him. His soft lips were touching his and he felt all warm inside, his stomach doing backflips and as his trembling hands came up to circle his waist and before he could do something he felt Taeyong as he deepened the kiss asking for entrance. His hands stopped trembling the moment Taeyong’s free hand came down to take his right hand and linking their fingers together, Jaehyun felt like his knees would give up any moment now. Taeyong stopped because he felt his air leaving his lungs and as he parted their lips he could see the crimson that settled on Jaehyun’s cheeks and his once pink lips now having a faint shade of red.

“Sorry.” Taeyong said and before he could say something else Jaehyun grabbed his neck and connected their lips once more, this time the kiss was rougher, more needy and each time he tried to deepen it Taeyong would allow it and by now Taeyong felt his stomach filling with butterflies too. Jaehyun stopped too not long after, in need of air and he couldn’t even explain what has gotten into him but he wanted more, he needed more, but he had to stop before he was about to do something he wasn’t ready yet.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun said and Taeyong only looked down at him confused, “for breaking my spell.”

“Spell?” Taeyong said and before he could say something more he felt his head bang and his vision started to swirl in circles and Jaehyun started to panic but then he finally realized what his memories trigger was. Taeyong fell down in Jaehyun’s arms and all Jaehyun could do in that moment was fall down with him and there leaning on the cabinet door he held Taeyong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: it’s finally progresssiiiiiinnng~~~ hehe  
> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and well, I guess it’s time to make Taeyong remember who he really is or not :> who know haha  
> Anyway thank you for reading this and fell free to tell me what you think in the comment section! See you next update!


	6. MY HAPPINESS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: IM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE AND FOR THIS CHAPTER THAT FEELS LIKE A FLASHBACK BUT I THINK I FORGOT HOW TO WRITE ANGST! I mean I have been feeling a bit too happy lately and that I mainly because of Yuta soooooooo I managed to write this in bits and pieces and I hope it’s good enough for now :D

Autumn colored the world in faded shades of khaki and auburn. Painted the castle in camels and rusted bricks, the chapped wood at the doors making it look like a well-guarded fortress in the evening sky. The waters hit the cold autumn shore, splashing white and filling the air with a refreshing, yet chilly, breeze. The sky was ready to fall down, burgundy shades of peach and scarlet red painting it, the clouds starting to blend with to paint it back to black, the sun missing and the wind dancing between the trees and grass.

The small blades of emerald touching his fingers made the field he was laying soulless on fell alive. The clothes he wore were no longer the one he remembered, his body feeling heavy, as if he was now with a few kilograms heavier, maybe fifteen or twenty, and with a familiar smell of steel and plate combined mildly. His head felt bulky and hazy, as if he was taken into another world, somewhere in a land where he was no longer accustomed with. Then when he felt the wind blowing around and through his ash colored hair, the heaviness turned into a feather-like easiness and it was as if he was dreaming, and yet, it felt real. He opened his eyes slowly and moving his fingers to feel the ground some more, he could feel the soil and the silkiness of it, the way he could feel a certain warmth the earth under gave off and as he slowly pushed on his palms and raised himself he finally realized that the grass field was maybe a bit too familiar.

He looked around and heard the waves and smelled the ocean, he took in the breeze and the way the leaves danced as it blew, the sky he felt like crumbling and then turning around slowly he met the great brick walls and the towers coming out from the top of them. The road taking to the intimidating and yet oddly familiar architecture he soon recognized as being a medieval castle. His eyes blinked fast and his face slowly morphed in confusion as he suddenly got up in a walking position when he realized that the last thing he remembered is an apartment not a grass field with a castle in the middle of it.

“Where am I?” he whispered as he turned around once more, but there was no one there to answer to his question. The wind suddenly blew like a typhoon and as he raised his arm to cover his face he started to hear laughs of children in the back and the familiar whistle of a flute, some calming harp notes and when he took away his arm and looked again he was in the middle of the castle walls.

He turned to look around. He took in the beauty of it and the greatness of the architecture, how every brick looked like it was placed by hand, how the music made its way to his heart and it felt so good that he didn’t know if he should let himself get swapped in and start dancing. He looked some more and noticed some knights on their horses, some other young knights-to-be playing with swords and then another laugh and another familiar voice made him turn around.

There were two boys playing by a fountain, one of them with a hair as black as the night and the other one having slightly fair hair. The red and faded shades of yellow clothes they were wearing made him follow each move they made and before he knew it he was by the fountain looking at them and smiling. His steps were heavy, his ears hearing a buzzing sound but in that moment he didn’t care, because there was something very intriguing in what those two little boys were playing. Their laughs echoed in his head and it felt as if they were right next to his ears.

The more he stared the more he noticed how the black haired boy took a certain care of the other one, how he made sure that as they ran around not to ran too fast so he could catch up, how he would let him win and then laugh as he was made fun of. The scene seemed way too familiar for him and then suddenly the fair haired boy fell to the ground with a small thud and by the time he managed to get himself up the black haired boy was by his side helping him. And then as if nothing happened they started playing again and in that moment he wanted to play with them too, because even if what they were doing looked so childish and simple, it looked like fun and he doesn’t remember the last time he did that.

Another blow of air and as he covered his face again the laughing stopped and the music ceased and upon opening his eyes he was in the same court but this time there was a sniffling sound and as he turned his head around he noticed a young boy, looking at his feet and with tears streaming down his face, his uneven breathing making him hiccup and he didn’t know why his heart started to ache. He tried to take a careful step closer to him, taking in more of him, noticing again how he wore an armor like some knight, with a red cape covering his shoulders, how his shoulders seemed to carry the weight of the world, his fair hair falling over his forehead and in his hand holding a broken sword. He took another heavy step and before he could extend his hand to try to talk to him the boy let the sword slip from his arms and fell to the ground with a loud cling. After that he heard rushed footsteps from behind, a panting sound and then someone passed by him and kneeled down suddenly in front of the fair haired boy.

“No, stop, please, stop blaming it on you.” The boy said and he felt as if he was intruding something as if he was eavesdropping on them, but then he felt a strange sensation that made him want to stay and look some more at them. The boy that kneeled down started to wipe away the tears from his face and as he looked at his soft smile something inside of him made it feel warm, familiar again.

“But it’s my fault.” The faired hair boy whispered and the other boy placed a careful hand on his knee and then taking his hand in his he got up and circled his free arm around his shaking shoulders and took the crying boy in his arms. His chest started to ache again, his heart pounding harder and looking at the scene in front of his eyes the buzzing sound started to fill his ears once more.

“There was nothing you could have done to prevent it, so please, stop crying.” The boy said and as he heard his voice once more he started to have the feeling that he heard that line before, he started to feel confused and so he stood there and watched how the boys got up and the hug suddenly tightened and even if he felt like he should leave and stop watching because didn’t seem like it was his business, his legs didn’t move, he was rooted to the ground. “You know that when you cry I cry with you.” He said then and gave him a pat on the back and he deepened the hug and let the boy’s head fall on his shoulder.

“From now on, I will laugh, so you can always laugh with me.” He said as he started to show a smile and unlinking their arms he raised his head from his shoulder and giving the other boy another smile he went on, “So let me protect you and promise me to stay by my side forever.”

“I won’t ever leave you.” And in that moment he knew that he heard that line before. There was something in the back of his head that he couldn’t pin down, there was a smile and a voice, a hand that took him to another land, a boy he dreamt of and never found.

Before he could get their attention the wind blew again and this time he only closed his eyes and let the wind take him to where he needed to be. His ears caught the instrumental of a certain ceremony, the sound of flute and harp gone, drums rolled and trumpets started to fill the chamber he was in. And as he opened his eyes he saw himself in the middle of a room full of people, in front of his eyes was a throne and the same faired hair boy, only that this time his fair hair was more like his, a more silver color, something that shone as the sun touched his head and bowing someone came from the left and on a red pillow stood firm a jeweled crown. He noticed how the three chairs in the back were empty and how beside the king was a black haired boy with a proud smile on his face.

He tried to move to the side for a bit, so he wouldn’t draw attention and as he looked from the back he noticed how the boy he saw crying on the fountain was now also having a big smile plastered on his face and he thought he was seeing things but right before the crown was placed to his head he turned around just for a bit and stole a glance at the black haired boy standing next to him.

The people started to cheer and then it was too loud for him to hear the buzzing in his ears so he decided to leave the room and he let his legs take him through the castle walls, through the corridors and passing by chambers and doors he didn’t know why they looked so familiar. He climbed a row of stairs and before he could comprehend where he went he was standing in front of a double wooden door with a slight crack between the two doors. He slowly pushed the door further and stepping inside he felt the air surrounding it oddly familiar again.

It seemed rather clean around, with a big bed in the middle, a slightly opened window that let in the night air in, and he didn’t know when the night fell, because there was a sun shining just a while ago, and then taking some more careful steps he moved forward and stopped in front of the window because he suddenly heard footsteps coming his way and he didn’t know where to hide so he just took the best spot he could find and hid behind a big closet.

Laughs filled the room again and the oddly familiar voice he heard in his dreams was back. He peeked a bit from where he was and saw the now crowned king and the black haired boy enter the room and making a beeline till the bed. The crown was placed on the floor and the red cape surrounding the boy’s shoulders fell to the ground, covering the crown. The black haired boy only laughed some more and rolled a bit to the side of the bed and then stopping he stared at the boy standing on the other side and raising his arms he gave him a big smile and the silver haired boy jumped right in his arms and they both fell back on the bed sheets.

“Congratulations once more, my king.” The black haired boy said and he didn’t know why but his body was suddenly warmer and his heart was beating again a bit faster. He stopped looking at them and even so he still felt like they were right in front of his eyes.

“Thanks, Jaehyun-ah.” The silver haired boy replied and the moment he heard that name his heart started to race and his eyes turned big and the buzzing sound was once again the only melody his ears played.

“So my king,” Jaehyun started and the silver haired boy turned a bit so he could watch him in the eyes, “what am I to you now? Since you got a new status I feel like I should also get one. After all, we must grow together.” And he could hear the king chuckle and turning around completely they were now looking straight into each other’s eyes.

“You should for starters stop calling me king, it makes our friendship strange,” he said smiling for a bit and Jaehyun only chuckled at that, “so just, stick with Taeyong, and secondly, you are mine, no matter what status I have you belong to me.” At that the buzzing in his ears stopped and he didn’t know when but he was now standing in front of the bed looking straight at the two and in that moment his head started to bang and flinching just a bit he realized.

‘It’s not a dream, they are memories.’ And before he could try to comprehend why he was seeing this and why it didn’t have any sense and he was just more and more confused and yet deep down he felt a certain warmth he didn’t know he could feel and there was a certain rush that took his body by surprise and he was once more rooted to the ground and witnessing the scene in front of his eyes he felt as if he was touching Jaehyun and he felt as if he was being hugged and he felt as if they were sharing their warmth and in those white sheets they were happy.

“I’m not an object Tae,” Jaehyun spoke and Taeyong only laughed because a small pout started to form on his lips and he wanted to kiss it away but he knew he couldn’t, he will never be allowed to do it.

“You’re all I need in this life, so don’t ever think about leaving me, you hear?” Taeyong said and smiling the pout away Jaehyun nodded slightly, “If I have you then I don’t need anything. You are my happiness.”

“Ha-ha, stop it with the cheesy stuff, you make me blush,” Jaehyun said cutely and took the hand that circled Taeyong’s waist and touched his cheek. Taeyong only laughed at the action and rolled out of his embrace and as he extended his hand he reached a drawer that was next to the bed and scrambling a bit for something he pulled out a red material and with it in his hand he rolled back in Jaehyun’s embrace.

“I have something for you.” Taeyong said and his ears started to turn red, “This is something I made for you so you can always think of me when you wear it.” And taking the read material in his hands he slowly raised on his elbow and Jaehyun mirrored his action while looking at his slightly trembling hands and feeling his cheeks heat up he circled the material around Jaehyun’s neck and making a small nod at the back he looked in his eyes and went on, “You better not lose this scarf, I don’t think I can make another one.”

“I will wear it until we are old and you learn to make a new one because this one is too ripped to be worn.” Jaehyun said as he touched it and fell back on the bed. “Now come on, let’s sleep.” He said as he dragged a chuckling Taeyong back in his arms and letting his silver locks fall on his shoulder he patted his arm and slowly closed his eyes.

Taeyong waited for the boy to fall asleep and as he raised his head to check he slowly raised his body, sustaining it on his elbow and with a soft smile he said, “If you die before I do, I will take my life and go with you because I can’t go on living if you’re not here with me.”

As he stood there and felt everything this Taeyong felt he didn’t know how to move or speak anymore. He didn’t know if they could even see him but by how this all went he was pretty sure he wasn’t even here in the first place and that this was all in his head. All these vivid images, this dream that felt so real and the buzzing sound he kept hearing all along.

Memories started to flow in, flashing in front of his eyes, laughs and broken hearts, hugs in the late nights, strolls in the morning, holding Jaehyun’s hand, interlacing their fingers together as they ran to some place far away from the castle walls. Fireworks by the shore that he never tried to explain. Meals cooked by Jaehyun that tasted better than the royal chef, late night talks and games. Tickling and more laugh. Cuddling the lazy mornings in an unmade bed and finding comfort in each other’s arms. Learning things with Jaehyun and falling in love more and more every day. Getting married and losing him, blaming himself. All these feelings and emotions, all these memories of them, he couldn’t take them all in and before he even knew it he felt something hot streaming down his face and laughing bitterly he didn’t even bother to wipe his tears, because it didn’t matter if it wasn’t Jaehyun the one who did it.

 _‘He was right.’_ He thought, _‘I am the king.’_

Another blow of wind took him away and when he opened his eyes again he felt a sting and then a pain like he never felt before. His right side started to hurt and he felt something flowing out like water, as if he was drained of something. He felt his hand moving on its own and then stopping in something his vision started to clear away and he saw Mark spitting blood and as his eyes grew he snapped his head to his side and saw Excalibur piercing his side and that the hand holding the sword belonged to no other but Mark.

He heard a scream and he fell to the ground but before he managed to touch the ground someone coughed his body and took his it in his arms. It was a warmth that he recognized and they were arms that he yearned for.

“No, please, don’t leave me.” Jaehyun spoke, his voice breaking and tears streaming down his face. He felt his heart breaking apart, he didn’t care how much it hurt, how much pain he was feeling now, all he cared about was his tears.

“It’s okay,” Taeyong said coughing blood, “I’m okay.” He said trying to smile for a bit, hoping Jaehyun would smile with him too but he didn’t, he kept crying and he kept hugging his broken body.

“You’re not okay, you’re far from okay, let me fix you, I can fix you, let me fix you.” Jaehyun mumbled and he knew that he couldn’t fix him, nothing could fix him so he just wished for him to smile and stop crying for him, because he wasn’t worthy of it and it was too late to try and save something that can’t be saved.

“Just,” Taeyong tried to speak as he took hold of Jaehyun arm, “Just hold me.” He managed to bit back a choke and tried to hug Jaehyun a bit tighter but there was no strength in his arms and he felt his eyes heavy and his body being embraced by cold.

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun cried out, hugging him tighter and he felt as if maybe like this he could take some of his warmth and make himself live just a bit longer, “You’re not dying in my arms.”

“Please, take the sword Excalibur and the scabbard and throw them back into the lake from whence they came.” Taeyong said, trying to distract Jaehyun because he was crying and he was crying too hard.

“You’re not dying,” Jaehyun kept saying and repeating the same words over and over again and Taeyong tried to raise his arm and wipe away his tears but he couldn’t and it fell limp to his side once more.

“I’ll come back to you,” Taeyong rasped out, barely holding it in, but still smiling, hoping to see his smile too, for one last time. 

“I’ll wait for you, no matter how much.” Jaehyun said between his sobs, and Taeyong felt as life flew out of his body and he didn’t even feel pain anymore. It was as if wherever Jaehyun touched turned painless and he could go without any worries.

“Just like you returned to me when I needed you the most, I’ll come back to you.” Taeyong said with his last breath before his body gave up, his eyes closing and the hand that tried to hold on to Jaehyun falling limp to his side and coldness that he felt then surrounded him once more.

The buzzing in his ears stopped and he felt a certain warmth surround his body again. He heard a soft breath sound and as he started to gain his sense back he opened his eyes and saw a chest going up and down in circular motions, a hand holding his tight. He looked up slowly and saw Jaehyun sleeping softly and he felt his heart clench in his chest and in that moment he wanted to cry so hard and he wanted Jaehyun to wipe away his tears once more.

“Jaehyun-ah,” he whispered as he felt his eyes water, “thank you for being my happiness.”

 

“They knew that looking back on the tears would make them laugh but they never knew that looking back on the laughs would bring tears.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section and thank you for reading this!


	7. WARMTH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: wow, two chapters in two days, I sure feel motivated to write! I hope you will enjoy this as much as the others. Also I think I might have given some you too much fluff but of that I am not sure yet hahahahahaha

_“Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.”_

 

Time seemed to stand still, time wanted for them to stay like this a while longer. Time stopped the night from turning into day, stopped the sun from meeting the moon, leaving the dark sky full of stars. Time gave them the possibility of meeting again, and maybe time was on their side. Maybe time would allow someone to wait for a person for almost over 1458 years and cheat time. Maybe time was so kind to let a whole kingdom be reborn again and give some the ability to remember that they were from another time, just so that they could be able to fall in love once more and live a happiness they couldn’t before. But time isn’t kind, nor giving, time can’t be cheated and sooner or later, time will get everyone to understand that they don’t have time on their side, that time will be restored to its rightful flow.

In the calmness of the room, the two let themselves fall into a deep and peaceful slumber. The softness of the sheets that embraced them allowed Jaehyun to bring Taeyong closer with every small movement and as the night fell deeper around the world, they slept peacefully sharing the same warmth they once did. Soft breathing and slow movements, a blanket that tried to protect them, and a silent room with only the fireplace faint sound coming from the other room, was all they needed in that moment. With a small move, Jaehyun raised his leg and placed it over Taeyong’s, tangling their legs together and making the older whimper a bit at the change, but he too, tangled his legs with Jaehyun, and the hand that was hugging the older from under his shoulder tightened the grip and brought the boy closer to his chest, his head resting right above his heart. Taeyong was still sleeping soundly, unconsciously he could hear a heartbeat, little sounds of something pounding under him and he only fell deeper, his head raised and fell with Jaehyun’s even breathing.

Remembering who he was made Taeyong feel things that he didn’t feel before. His life started to change the moment he felt drawn to Jaehyun, the boy who came and with his eyes made him feel confused and yet, warm inside. The more he remembered the more he felt as if he used one chance to live his life and now he got another chance to live it. He got another chance to fall in love and be able to love him, to cherish him and see him happy once more. He felt as if his life was given a reset, but the more he felt the more it made him feel sad. He made Jaehyun wait for so long, all these years that passed, all the stories he thought were just a fairytale; he made his Jaehyun sad by meeting him again and not recognizing him when everyone else around seemed to do so. But what hurt him the most in that moment, wasn’t that he left Jaehyun alone to wonder the world with the dying hope of finding him again, it was the fact that his baby brother who he called family, not once but twice, was in fact the one that took him away from Jaehyun, that tried to take the throne and succeeded in taking him away from the man he swore to protect and he couldn’t forgive that.

He didn’t know if he could see his baby brother again, he didn’t know how to face his family again, because now he knew that he wouldn’t be the same person again. He was well aware that his eyes held something else in them than confusion and maybe he was ready to face his friends and ask for forgiveness. Maybe they would be ready to forgive him for not being capable of defending his kingdom and leaving it in the hands of fate, but the one he sought forgiveness was Jaehyun for leaving him without saying a proper goodbye.

Jaehyun didn’t know what would happen when he would wake up again. He didn’t know what caused Taeyong to faint, what was going on in his head when he looked at his face and saw tears streaming down and sobbing in his sleep. He didn’t know if when he woke up Taeyong would be next to him, knowing who he is and that he is the king he waited for. He didn’t want to fall asleep either, he wanted to stay awake just so he could see the moment Taeyong opens his eyes and looks at him with the same look he did long ago. He tried to wipe away the tears, he tried to use his magic to stop him from seeing everything, maybe if he didn’t know who killed him he could still save him from the pain. But by the time he managed to get into his head it was too late and he woke up in the middle of the battlefield with Taeyong in his arms.

Jaehyun felt his hand go numb under Taeyong and as he slowly winced, he moved it a bit too fast and startling Taeyong he managed to woke him up.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun said, “go back to sleep.”

“Let’s change,” Taeyong managed to rasp out and raising his head from Jaehyun’s chest he looked up and was met with a pair of sleepy and yet hopeful eyes. “Your heartbeat is too loud.” And at that Jaehyun felt his cheeks heat up but nodded nonetheless.

“You’re too heavy.” He tried to shoot back but the argument was barely hearable and Taeyong let out a rasped chuckle and raising himself up he took Jaehyun in his arms and turning him around he spooned him and circled his arm around his waist. Jaehyun let himself fall back into his embrace, feeling his heartbeat on his back and trying to move as close as he could he let Taeyong place his hand above his and interlacing their fingers together he let himself enjoy this.

“You waited.” Taeyong said, moving his head to rest between Jaehyun’s shoulder blades. Jaehyun only tried to focus on a dead point in front of him, knowing that if he turned his head now they would be too close for his heart to take.

“For what?” he questioned, but deep down he knew what he meant. He made himself believe that Taeyong remembered who he was.

“Me.” Taeyong replied but his answer seemed a bit vague at first, because if Jaehyun was wrong and what he saw were not memories then this conversation made no sense. “I’m sorry for making you wait this long to meet me again.”

Hearing this Jaehyun didn’t care if he was nose to nose with Taeyong because he snapped his head back, and moved a bit so he wouldn’t sprain any muscles in the process, and when he looked in his eyes and when he saw the glimmer they once had and he didn’t know how to form words anymore.

“My king…” Jaehyun whispered and he didn’t know why but he suddenly felt his eyes water and his body heat up and the next thing he knew he jumped on Taeyong and started hugging him like there was no tomorrow. Tears streaming down his face, his arms circling his broad shoulders and his legs trapping Taeyong under him, made it impossible for him to even move out of his embrace and wipe away his tears. Taeyong was left standing there, under Jaehyun and the only thing he could do was hug the younger back and pat his back lightly, hoping for the tears to stop falling and finally give him the smile he wants to see forever.

“There, there,” Taeyong said patting him some more, “please stop crying, I don’t want puffy eyes in the morning.” He tried to add, trying to lighten up the mood so he would at least give him some space to move and wipe those tears that pained his heart.

“Tae…” Jaehyun spoke between sobs and the more Taeyong tightened the hug the more his crying seemed to stop. It was as if having him close meant protection, his hug gave him the warmth he needed to know that this was not a dream, that those feelings he bottled up this long were not in vain and that this time he could finally say what he never could. And yet, he didn’t.

“What time is it?” Taeyong asked, trying to make the younger let go and focus on something else.

“Hmm?” Jaehyun said as he pushed back and looked at Taeyong, his eyes red from crying and his beautiful face puffy. “4AM.” He said as he turned his head a bit to look at the numbers on the nightstand.

“That’s early.” Taeyong mumbled, to himself or towards Jaehyun, he wasn’t sure either.

“I can’t believe it.” Jaehyun said all of a sudden. Changing his position so he could see Taeyong better. He moved his legs a bit so he was now standing in Taeyong’s lap with his hand searching for something and when he found what he was looking for he took Taeyong’s hand in his and interlaced their fingers once more. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Jae.” Taeyong said as he raised his free hand to place it on his cheek and wipe some of the remains that the tears left. Jaehyun let his head fall in his hand and closing his eyes he felt Taeyong move his hand to his chin and when he opened up his eyes he was met with another pair, looking straight at him, moving from his eyes to his lips and back. “Can I kiss you?”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything and just closed his eyes, waiting for him to do it. He felt a soft breath fawn over his lips, as if he was testing the waters and then the hand left his chin and moving to his nape, Taeyong drew him in and placed his lips over his. Jaehyun felt his stomach do flips and he could swore that if he snapped his fingers not he could start a firework display in the room. Jaehyun got up a bit so he could kiss Taeyong from above and as Taeyong tried to deepen the kiss, Jaehyun opened his mouth to let him gain entrance. Jaehyun moved his hands to the back of his head and moving one through his silver hair he wanted to never part those lips.

Taeyong felt his whole body heat up and he didn’t know if he should stop to get air or if he should go on and die right there with Jaehyun in his arms. He parted their lips, in need of air, and the moment he locked his eyes back with Jaehyun he felt complete. The blush in his cheeks, the disheveled lips he just tasted and those eyes that wanted to do more, made Taeyong feel a certain heat go downwards and before he could process anything that was happening he grabbed Jaehyun and started kissing him again.

Jaehyun wanted to switch their positions so he slowly tried to go back, not breaking the kiss, and Taeyong noticed, so he followed suit. They broke the kiss so that Jaehyun could allow Taeyong to move down and rest his head on the pillows, his body towering him. He gave him another peck and then he let his head rest on his chest, his legs tangling Taeyong’s.

“Your buddy is hitting my leg.” Jaehyun said chuckling but his ears were as red as a tomato and he couldn’t see Taeyong’s face but he knew his cheeks had the same color. He could feel Taeyong raise his arm to cover his face and even if he didn’t push Jaehyun off of his chest he didn’t know if he should.

“Will you move a bit?” Taeyong asked, his hand still covering his face. Jaehyun raised his hand and pushed his body up and with another chuckle he kissed the arm that was covering Taeyong’s face, making him move it so that he could see his flushed face.

“I think I want to take a picture of this.” Jaehyun said as he looked at him and Taeyong only blushed harder.

“Yah! Don’t even think about it.” He shot back, trying to sound convincing but it was more a whimper than a threat.

“Ok, but I still want photos with you. Since this new generation has these strange, but very good ways, of storing memories.” Jaehyun said, moving from his chest and next to Taeyong, resting his head on his left elbow.

“How come you don’t have a reaction like mine?” Taeyong asked, trying to take his mind away from his member that finally started to calm down.

Jaehyun only smirked at that and moving again he placed his head on Taeyong’s chest and mumbled slowly, “Did I say I didn’t?” and Taeyong just averted his eyes and tried to look somewhere else than between his legs.

“Come here.” Taeyong said, his head turned to the opposite side of Jaehyun, his arms inviting him back in his embrace, “I’m cold. Come here and warm me up.”

And Jaehyun could see how his cheeks started to turn crimson again. He complied and in a moment he was hugging him again, his head resting on his armpit. Looking up he could see Taeyong’s features and he felt a sudden need to kiss him again. He moved a bit and pecked his neck, making Taeyong react. He did it again and this time he blew some air around his ear and he heard Taeyong chuckle.

“You’re tickling me.” Taeyong said cutely as he tried to avoid Jaehyun and his pecks, but that only seemed to make Jaehyun try other stuff. Before he could even run away Jaehyun started poking his sides, started kissing his face all over and started tickling him everywhere he could. Taeyong’s laugh resonated in the whole room and Jaehyun was beaming with happiness and soon Taeyong started to fight back and before he could do something Taeyong was tickling him and kissing him back, trying to make up for all those night they missed.

“Stop, I-I can’t anymore.” Jaehyun started to pant and laugh at the same time. He felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his chest any moment now. He felt that if they went on he might trigger some magic unconsciously and he forgot for a moment that Taeyong didn’t know that he had magic.

“You started first.” Taeyong said between laughs and he forgot completely that it was too early for laughing this hard and loud. They forgot that Jaehyun lived in an apartment and that if it was too silent maybe the walls were not so thick and you could hear, but they felt so happy that for a moment he saw himself back in Camelot, back in Jaehyun’s room and back in his sheets. But this was different, because his bed didn’t smell of lavender like it used to, the sheets smelled of chocolate and cinnamon, and this apartment looked like Camelot but it wasn’t. This was a new room with the same old dork he loved.

But they didn’t mind, because somewhere along the way it was Jaehyun under Taeyong, it was Taeyong leaving marks on his neck while tickling his abdomen and somewhere along the way it was Jaehyun who grabbed a pillow and hit his king straight in the head and turned the tickling session into a pillow fight with running around in the room and making a mess of everything. Somewhere along that running Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun from the back and tickled some more until they both fell to the ground with a loud thud. Then they started kissing again, like there was nothing else that mattered in the world and they devoured each other’s lips and touched everywhere they could, each touch leaving them with a burning sensation and a want to do more and then when they felt like it turned too intense they would break apart and start laughing again.

They stopped when they ran out of breath and fell back into bed, the sheets scrambled everywhere, the pillows to the ground and their faced flushed and red and hairs sticking out in all the right places. They both closed their eyes and maybe for a moment they were ready to go back to sleep. Because Taeyong had work tomorrow and so did Jaehyun. Because happiness is always short and you have to make the most of it before it ends.

Silence settled down again, only their breathing filling the room, settling down to a normal one and Taeyong felt sleep creep in and take him away. Jaehyun turned on his side so he could watch how beautiful Taeyong was even like this. Taeyong didn’t turn, he stood on his back and turned his head so they could look at each other again and then Jaehyun smiled and leaning in Taeyong closed his eyes and felt warm lips on his again and the feather like sensation he felt before was back. Jaehyun kissed him softly and then stopped and raising his head a bit so he could place a kiss on Taeyong’s forehead he let himself fall back on his back and he too closed his eyes.

“When you close your eyes and look at the world, what do you see?” Taeyong broke the silence, not really looking as if they were going back to sleep soon. Jaehyun let his eyes closed and he saw Taeyong smiling.

“When I close my eyes and look at the world I saw you with me, smiling as we look at Avalon. Sidhes dance around the island, making it seem as if the whole island is covered in blue sparks and as we look at them, I stop and stare for a while just so I can turn my head and see your smile.” Jaehyun began as he searched for Taeyong’s hand once more, finding it and grabbing it tight, “And even if I can’t see you, even if we are separated far apart from each other. I’ll always be watching after you, I’ll definitely watch over you forever.”

“I won’t let you go away, because when I close my eyes all I see is you smiling next to me. When I close my eyes I see us back in Camelot, on the field where we liked to take strolls at night and see the stars, where I always looked at you and wished for fireworks to light the sky so that I could see your joyful expression and fall for you even more.” Taeyong said as he moved closer until he could touch Jaehyun’s shoulder with his, “And even if I can’t see you and we are separated far from each other, I’ll come and find you. I’ll always find my way back to you.”

“God! How I missed playing with you like this.” Jaehyun said trying to break the tense atmosphere that settled in and he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips, “But I never knew you could kiss like that.” He said looking at Taeyong.

“Oh shush it, you loved it!” Taeyong replied chuckling and opening his eyes he looked back and dragged Jaehyun back in his arms. “I will kiss you until you run out of air so that I can give you mine and if I ran out of it too then I don’t mind if I die because I kissed you.”

“But I don’t want to die yet, I mean, a kiss is still weak.” Jaehyun said leaving his hug and retrieving a pillow from the floor, “We need to go to dates and stuff.” He went on going back into his arms and arranging the pillow under their heads, “We need to do more than a kiss.”

“So does that mean we’re a couple now?” Taeyong asked the obvious.

“Of course you fool,” Jaehyun said and turning a bit he went on, “I mean if I’m good enough for you.”

“You’re all I need.” Taeyong said pecking his lips once more, “But now I need sleep because I have to go back to the café in the morning.”

“I am free tomorrow, so I’m coming with you.” Jaehyun said turning his head back, “I love the breakfast that café makes.”

“But I wanted to eat the breakfast you make.” Taeyong said and Jaehyun could practically see his pout. He must have missed his cooking, since he dig in so heartily at dinner. “Can’t you wake up early like you used to and make me breakfast?”

“I spoiled you too much.” Jaehyun said, “What do you want to eat?”

“You.” Taeyong said as he kissed his neck.

“Anything else your heart desires, my king?” Jaehyun said as he chuckled, “I don’t think we have me on the menu in the morning.”

“I want to eat you up, at breakfast,” Taeyong said kissing his neck again, “at lunch,” he went on kissing his cheek, “and at dinner.” Taeyong said as he turned his head a bit and he kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Cheesy,” Jaehyun said as he turned some more to kiss his lips. “I’ll make you an omelet with love. Would that be enough to fill your stomach?”

“Depends on how much love you put in.” Taeyong replied chuckling.

“Just go to sleep already. It’s 5:35AM and you need to wake up early since the coffee shop opens at 8AM.” Jaehyun said as he turned back again and closed his eyes, “I’ll put in all the love in the world.”

“Sleep well, my Jae.” Taeyong said and he caressed his upper arm and kissed his cheek once more, before placing his head back on the pillow and spooning Jaehyun once more.

“Sleep well, my king.” Jaehyun whispered.

 

 

When morning came, and the first rays started to creep in the apartment Jaehyun woke up with the soft breathing of Jaehyun on his nape. Small snore sounds and a warm embrace protecting his body from the morning cold. He moved slowly, not to wake Taeyong up and this time he succeeded. He looked at the clock and it read 6:30AM.

“Ugh, I overslept.” He mumbled and the good thing about this now was that it didn’t matter because he can finish breakfast in 15 minutes.

He got up from the bed and taking a blanket from the floor he covered Taeyong with it, and leaning in he placed a soft kiss on his temple, “Good morning my king.”

He took a look at the room again and seeing the mess they made he snapped his fingers and by the time he was at the door the room was as clean as new. He spared a look at Taeyong and then slowly he closed the door to the room and headed for the kitchen leaving a peacefully sleeping Taeyong in the bed.

He went to check his phone for any new notifications, taking it from the counter in the kitchen, taking a seat at the table as the omelet was cooking itself. Looking at it he saw some missed calls from an unknown number and then he thought about it for a bit and his eyes started to turn big and his mind finally caught up. He never saw Taeyong call home to say he wasn’t coming back and getting up the chair and running around for a bit and using magic to move all sorts of things he finally found what he was looking for.

“5 missed calls: Mark Baby, 2 new text messages: Mark Baby,” Jaehyun read out loud as he looked at the screen of Taeyong’s smartphone. “Shit!” He tried to unlock it but it was password protected. He thought for a bit and then he remembered and old spell that unlocked any door, maybe it will work on devices too. He placed the phone down on the coffee table and taking a seat on the couch he concentrated on his fingers and moving them slowly sparks started to come out again and in a second the screen typed the password and the phone unlocked.

He didn’t feel good about prying in his phone but he completely forgot to check if Taeyong told them about his stay over and while he was taking an unconscious Taeyong to the bed he didn’t think about it either, it slipped his mind. He opened the text messages and read slowly, hoping they wouldn’t sound too worried.

_‘hey hyung, are you coming home tonight?’_

__

__

_‘Ten hyung told me you’re with Jaehyun hyung, I’ll see you tomorrow! Sleep well guys and don’t you dare miss work tomorrow because I’m not coming back from home just so I can do your shift because you have to run after people!’_

Jaehyun felt his cheeks heat up but he felt a burden leave his shoulders. ‘thanks mark, he will be there don’t worry. –Jaehyun hyung’ he texted back and placing the phone back where he found it, he returned to the kitchen.

 

 

Taeyong stirred in his sleep with the smell of eggs and cocoa. He opened his eyes and scrunched his nose, looking around the room. It was spotless and he could have sworn they made a mess last night, or morning, out of it.

“Did he even sleep?” Taeyong questioned himself out loud as he yawned and got up from bed, scratching the back of his head.

“Oh you’re up!” Jaehyun said when he spotted silver hair getting out from the bedroom, “I made some hot cocoa too!” He said smiling and Taeyong could not think well, because he didn’t know when or how but Jaehyun only wore some fluffy slippers and an oversized shirt and he gulped empty.

“Morning to you too.” Taeyong said as he entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table, still looking at Jaehyun and his missing clothes. “What happened with your clothes?”

“I needed to change in something comfortable,” Jaehyun said turning his head a bit and giving Taeyong a smirk, “and I figured you would like this outfit.”

“I sure do,” Taeyong said smirking back and staring at Jaehyun bringing plates with omelet on the table and then turning back to take the two hot cocoa cups and he too taking a seat at the table; the seat next to Taeyong.

“You’re not gonna stare at the food for the whole morning right?” Jaehyun questioned when he noticed that Taeyong wasn’t moving.

“I’m too lazy to raise my arms.” Taeyong said giving Jaehyun another smirk, “Feed me.”

“I really spoil you too much,” Jaehyun said as he got up and leaning his head on the corner of the table he took a fork and taking a bit of food he made way towards Taeyong’s mouth and before he could even get close he felt strong arms take his and in a moment he was in Taeyong’s lap.

“This is better,” Taeyong said as he took the food from the top of the fork, “I can eat you too.” He went on kissing his neck, “Since eggs also have a white part.”

“I’m not that white,” Jaehyun argued back as he fed Taeyong another bite and he too taking a bite.

“You would make Snow White jealous.” Taeyong said chuckling.

“Just eat your food, we need to leave in 20 minutes. You’re gonna be late.” Jaehyun said giving him another bite.

“I’ll call Mark to take in my shift. He owns me.” Taeyong said and he didn’t know why but as his name slipped his lips he felt a pang in his heart, and it felt as if his heart was going to break, “Speaking of Mark…”

“Don’t abuse your baby brother!” Jaehyun warned, but Taeyong seemed to think of something else because the bite of food on the fork was left unpicked.

“Does he remember too?” Taeyong said carefully and Jaehyun slowly took the fork back to the table, placing it down on the plate. He knew he couldn’t distract him much. “Does he remember that he…” Taeyong said but he couldn’t finish.

“Yeah, he does,” Jaehyun said and he tried to shift is position so he was now with his back to the table and facing Taeyong, “But Doyoung said he regrets it now.” He went on, trying to make him feel a bit better, taking a careful look at him before placing his hand on his nape and playing with the hair there, “He seeks forgiveness now.”

“He took me away from you!” Taeyong shot back, taking Jaehyun by surprise because he didn’t expect to see such a pained expression on his face. “He made you wait for me, he made you go through the pain of losing someone you cherish! That can’t be forgiven! Nothing like this should.”

“It’s okay, my king,” Jaehyun spoke slowly and leaning in he rested his forehead on Taeyong’s, “I forgave him long ago, so please, don’t blame your baby brother now. It’s all in the past, I moved on, I never sought revenge, all I sought was meeting you again and I did.”

“But I’m not like you, I can’t forgive him so easily,” Taeyong said looking at Jaehyun, “He betrayed me and my kingdom, he is a traitor.”

“Please, let it go,” Jaehyun spoke again, leaning in, “The past is the past, what matters is the present.” He said as his breath ghosted over Taeyong’s lips and as he closed his eyes he closed the distance between them, their lips locking once more. Taeyong’s hand moved to Jaehyun’s back and he pushed him closer to his body, deepening the kiss until they ran out of air.

“How can you be so kind?” Taeyong said as he broke their kiss, “What did I do to meet you again and get the chance and courage to finally do this?”

“You don’t have to do anything.” Jaehyun said as he pecked his lips once more, “I knew from the moment I met you that you are going to be the best man I will ever meet in this life.”

“God, how much I wanted to hold you and kiss you and touch you.” Taeyong said and Jaehyun understood that, he understood that so well. Because in all those years he could never find someone that could replace Taeyong and in all those years no one he liked compared to his love towards Taeyong.

“I know,” Jaehyun said as he leaned in to kiss his lips again and when he heard a grumble from Taeyong’s stomach he parted their lips, “But it seems that now you want food more than me.”

Jaehyun turned around again and taking the fork from the table and stealing a fast glance at the clock on the wall he continued feeding Taeyong and tried to get accustomed with the silence that settled and the warmth of Taeyong’s arms surrounding his abdomen.

They ate in silence and then they washed the dishes together. Taeyong stealing kisses from Jaehyun until he couldn’t wash anymore and would splash Taeyong with water to let him do his job.

“Are you sure you want to come with me?” Taeyong yelled from the door as he put his shoes on, “I’m okay with you not meeting our friends again.”

“You can’t lock me up Taeyong.” Jaehyun yelled from the bathroom as he tried to arrange his hair and put some pants on. “I want to meet them too, they’re my friends too!”

“Ugh but I don’t want them to see you,” Taeyong said as he looked at the screen of his phone now, clearing the notifications of missed calls from Ten and Doyoung. “I want you all for myself.”

“Oh please,” Jaehyun said as he came out of the door and started putting some accessories and his shoes on at the same time, “They love each other too much to try to take me from you.”

“Yuta is single.” Taeyong said and he could hear Jaehyun laugh.

“He has someone, trust me.” Jaehyun said as he finished getting ready and turning back to Taeyong he gave him the red scarf, “Now tie this around my neck and let’s go.”

“How do you even know that?” Taeyong said taking the scarf and tying it as he was told, giving him a kiss when he was done.

“Intuition.” Jaehyun said and smiled at him, “I know when someone is in love. I can tell.”

“You couldn’t read me.” Taeyong said as he opened the door and stepped outside, “You didn’t know about me.”

“That’s because you can’t read someone who loves you.” Jaehyun said stepping out too and closing the door. “I can’t tell when someone loves me, only when they love someone else.”

Taeyong didn’t say anything anymore, he just grabbed Jaehyun’s hand in his and they went back to the car and got in. They fastened their seatbelts and drove back to the coffee shop. The ride there was silent, Jaehyun changing the music and singing along. At the red light Taeyong leaning in to kiss him and Jaehyun blushing because they were in public and he wasn’t used with it. When Taeyong parked the car and Jaehyun was ready to get off Taeyong grabbed his wrist and drew him in another kiss. Jaehyun allowed Taeyong to do whatever he wanted because every kiss felt like heaven and with every kiss he fell in love more and more.

There was a knock on the window and they broke apart as fast as they could, snapping their heads in the direction of the sound. They both saw Ten smirking and Johnny next to him, typing something on his phone. Taeyong felt his cheeks go red and Jaehyun only averted their gaze and got off from the car.

“That went fast.” Ten said once he met Jaehyun and Taeyong only gave him a look, “I mean even we took some time to get together.” He went on as they walked towards the shop, motioning with his finger towards him and Johnny.

“Oh please, you basically gave me a note saying you want to fuck my ass.” Johnny said back chuckling as he remembered.

“Correction, your fat ass.” Ten said and Taeyong only rolled his eyes because Ten told him every detail of his and Johnny’s love life and he heard the blue note story every time someone new was added to their group.

They entered the coffee shop and they were met with Yuta and Doyoung by the counter, arranging things. When the bell on the door jungled and they turned their heads to look at who it was they saw a smirking Ten and an uninterested Johnny, along with two blushing Jaehyun and Taeyong.

“What happened with those two?” Yuta questioned as he moved back to the kitchen, making room for Taeil to go back to sit with Doyoung, and got his head out from the window.

“Why are they so red?” Doyoung questioned as Taeyong went to the lockers followed by Ten and Johnny, leaving Jaehyun to pick a seat. “What did you do again Ten?”

“Why do you think I did something?” Ten yelled from the back.

“We caught them kissing in the car.” Johnny came right after.

“Oh…” Doyoung said and turning back to Jaehyun that found a seat next to the window again he looked at him and giving him a thumbs up he whispered, “Good job!”

Taeil only chuckled from the counter and Yuta started laughing in the kitchen.

“How dare you tease the king?” Taeyong came out from the locker and shot back at them, “I should jail you all for talking like this!”

“KING?!” They all yelled in unison and Jaehyun face palmed himself.

“Oh did I forget to mention?” Taeyong said going to seat next to Jaehyun, “I remember it, you liars!”

“We didn’t lie,” Doyoung said.

“We just avoided the truth.” Yuta completed finally out from his kitchen.

“Besides, you wouldn’t have believed us anyway.” Johnny said then, coming out from the locker room with his uniform on. “I wouldn’t believe it if someone came and told me I’m a knight and that I lived 1400 years ago.”

“Point taken.” Taeyong said. “But still, you could have tried to hint it at least.”

“Yeah, mister I don’t believe in the legend, please do tell me more.” Jaehyun said from his side.

“Anyway,” Taeyong said trying to avoid the judging eyes, “the important thing is that I remember now.” He finished before he got up and gave Jaehyun a kiss on the lips where everyone could see.

“Look at them all lovey-dovey now.” Ten said smirking again and Jaehyun only blushed harder as he glared at Taeyong.

“Just remember, I am your king and you are all my knights.” Taeyong said as he went to flip the open/close sign on the door. “And who painted that thing on the wall? That’s not how my castle looks like!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Feel free to tell me what you think in the comment section! Thank you for reading!


	8. SPARK

The shop was busy as always. Mornings meant more people than usual. Every morning people came in, drank their coffee, or tea. They were chatting with their friends or just looking around and enjoying the view that the windows allowed you to see: a misty island at the break of the day, a peaceful island at noon and a blue island at sundown. Some would not even try to look out, being on their phones, scrolling away their morning and others would just come and take their morning on the go. Busier people, Jaehyun thought. It was peaceful and somehow this morning rush gave him a feeling that time was moving on, moving along with him. For the first time in so long he felt as if life was finally flowing through his veins; maybe it was flowing too fast. He looked at Taeyong flashing smiles to his customers, then back to him, watching carefully how he ate his eggs and how once in a while took a sip of his morning tea. Looking at everyone pacing around, taking orders, smiling happily, making food and chatting with each other calmed him down somehow.

If ‘Camelot’ made him feel like home before, he was feeling home now for sure. Everyone acted like themselves again. Sometimes forgetting they aren’t in year 534, that they are no longer in the service of the king, they acted like Taeyong was ruling them again, like they had to once again bow from time to time, to choose their words carefully not to upset the king, but they didn’t seem to care, or notice. Doyoung was still the same, because he was the first to remember and then when he met Taeyong he didn’t have to change anything because he was like that from the start. Taeil didn’t feel the need to do it at first, but maybe now it triggered something in him too, a need to act like a knight and not just a normal friend. Taeil was always the polite one, quiet and looking more humble, somehow looking shy, so he was the first one to let a bow slip when he passed by Taeyong, making the silver haired boy blush. Jaehyun chuckled at that, seeing the small smile that left his lips when he passed by him. Ten followed soon after, needing something from Taeyong and addressing him with ‘your highness’, surprising even himself but then smiling softly at his choice of words, making Jaehyun chuckle because they all slowly seemed to go back to that time. Johnny was still his cocky self and wouldn’t call Taeyong ‘king’ or bow, but he was careful with the words he chose and the way he talked with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looked at them and smiled. It was nice, seeing how everyone tried to act normal when in fact you could see that they were smiling more than usual, that somehow deep down, they are happy they met once more, that they could be in the service of the king once more. Deep down they felt empty, felt as if they had no purpose anymore, because their king was gone and they accepted that, but the hole he left in their hearts remained. The impact was the greatest on Jaehyun, he never accepted that his king was gone, and the whole he left him with was consuming him from inside. But now, every hole, every spark of hope they lost that year, that sad day, was being filled with happiness and bliss. Taeyong came back, maybe because the prophecy was wrong, and it wasn’t Britain that needed the king, it was the people he left behind that needed him again.

Every knight had its own will, its own responsibility to carry on its shoulders, but unlike other knights of the king, every knight of the Round Table was special. The Knights were men of courage, honor, dignity, courtesy, and nobleness. They protected those in need, honored and fought for kings, and undertook dangerous quests. Each one of them had something that was needed in battle or in a quest, each knight was selected by the king and the table meant that they could sit down to it, talk problems freely and be equals. Taeyong never looked down on his knights. He was playful and liked to tease, his ego might be big and he is a brat sometimes, but maybe that personality was what made others follow him. Of course, as every human is, they tend to like someone more than others. Jaehyun was never a knight so he was out of the question but when it came to choosing a favorite, it meant Dong Young. The loyal one that in the end betrayed the king.

Maybe the way Doyoung acts now it’s his way of apologizing for his mistakes, for the kindness he took advantage of, for the sins he committed and for the shame he bought to his beloved king. Taeyong, however, didn’t seem to carry any remorse to the adultery they committed. Maybe the way Taeil cares for Doyoung and the way Doyoung cares for him is their way of apologizing to their queen. Maybe they are trying to give each other the love she couldn’t get in her life, not in the past and not in the present either.

The more he looked at them, the more Jaehyun felt something in his heart, something he couldn’t describe. It was as if he was forgetting something, as if his mind was playing tricks on him now when it was all going so well. He looked at how people started to fade out one by one, how Johnny and Ten stole kisses when they thought no one was looking, how Taeil stared at Doyoung from his corner, with a longing in his eyes that he didn’t understand why it was there. Yuta hummed in the kitchen and after the first hour passed and the store got even busier, his phone rang and abandoning everything and letting someone else take over he got out of the kitchen and went in the corner where the pillows were and took the call. Jaehyun remembered the way he beamed when he smiled, the way his smile broke out at times when the other one said something on the phone and then when it was about to end the call there was a sadness in his eyes that resembled something familiar. He didn’t know who Yuta talked with, but it was there, the one thing Jaehyun could pin down for sure, there was rainbow in his smile when he talked and then rain poured down in his eyes when he hung up. He noted that as being love, a sad type at that; probably unrequired.

“What’s wrong?” someone said from his right and Jaehyun stopped phasing out and focused on the voice that addressed him, “What’s with that sad expression on your face?”

“No, it’s nothing, I was just thinking about something.” Jaehyun spoke slowly, still thinking about that strange feeling he has in his stomach that he is forgetting something important.

“Don’t think about it if it’s something sad.” The boy said again and this time Jaehyun looked at him and saw the look of concern on his face. “I don’t want you to ever be sad again.”

“It’s ok, my king,” Jaehyun spoke as he let out a small chuckle, “As long as I’m by your side, I won’t ever be sad.”

“I told you to not call me king,” Taeyong said pouting and Jaehyun got up from his seat at the table and crossed it so he could kneel down and look at Taeyong from below, but Taeyong didn’t allow it, “It makes me feel weird if you call me king.” He finished as he stretched his hand and placed it on Jaehyun’s cheek and caressed it softly.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something.” Jaehyun let his concern out and Taeyong made him a sign to move and sit in his lap. “I don’t know if it’s that important, but it feels strange somehow.” Jaehyun went on as he nodded and slowly placed his legs on each side of Taeyong’s, and sat down facing him.

For a moment they felt eyes on them and it seemed as if they didn’t care. From where they stood, Taeyong’s back facing the window, Jaehyun could see Avalon in all its beauty. But he couldn’t focus on that at all, his eyes would always go back and meet that pair of dark eyes that bore into his soul and made him see fireflies. Taeyong wanted to kiss him, and Jaehyun could tell he was holding back. His eyes moved from his lips to his eyes again and Jaehyun knew fully well they were in public and that the others could see them display of affection and love but he didn’t care, he wanted this as much as Taeyong, so he nodded and allowed him to do everything he wanted. Because after all, he would always obey his king, no matter of the request. So he sat down on his lap and raising his arms Jaehyun circled Taeyong’s shoulders and let them rest there. Taeyong embraced his small waist and smiled at the thought of being able to do this with Jaehyun.

“The only feel you’re going to get is my lips on yours.” Taeyong said and closed the space between them, taking Jaehyun on cloud nine again. Lighting up his spark and he felt a tingle in his fingers again. He was getting riled up and he wanted to use magic again. It was as if every time he kissed Taeyong his soul was reacting, as if Taeyong was taking his magic away, sucking his life span and taking away his years.

“Ughgm,” Someone spoke from behind them and they broke the kiss instantly, looking back to where the voice came from. “I understand that you’re in love and want to show us, but you’re drawing too much attention.” Doyoung said and as Jaehyun looked around he noticed that some were staring at them and some were whispering things and he felt his cheeks heat up.

“Sorry.” Jaehyun managed to mumble.

“It’s not that I have something against it, but even Johnny and Ten have more control over this.” Doyoung completed and Jaehyun blushed harder as he got up from Taeyong’s lap and sat down next to him. Taeyong didn’t seem to care much, but the way his hand searched for Jaehyun and grabbed it tight made Jaehyun aware that he was also a bit embarrassed of his action.

“Right...” Doyoung said and as he turned to make his way towards Taeil he went on, “by the way, Mark said he’s bringing some friends today around noon.” And at that Jaehyun saw Taeyong flinch and tightened his grip.

“What time exactly?” Taeyong managed to say. He didn’t want to see Mark. Not now at least. He felt as if Mark could take him away from Jaehyun again. Something inside him lit up at the mention of his name and he didn’t want to even hear that name until he managed to forgive him; if he could.

“I do not know. Probably 1PM or so. He said he doesn’t have that many classes today.” Doyoung replied rather calmly, not seeing the way Taeyong tried to avoid his little brother. “Why do you ask? Do you need to be somewhere today?”

“N–“

“Yes,” Jaehyun cut in fast sensing the way Taeyong didn’t felt good about this, “I need to show him something. He can’t stay today, sorry.”

“Oh…” Doyoung said and then he looked at them better and realized the problem. He completely forgot for a moment that Taeyong remembered, he surely remembered about Mark and he might be his beloved brother now but he might not be comfortable with knowing that his baby brother killed him. He wouldn’t be at least. Even he understood now that he needed time to cope with his memories, like everyone took their time, Taeyong needed his time too. “I understand. I’ll tell him you had other matters to attend to and weren’t able to come.”

“Thank you.” Jaehyun replied and he could somehow feel the tensed atmosphere around Taeyong slipping away. Doyoung turned around and went back to his business.

They all got back to their thing and soon enough it was time for Mark to come. Jaehyun stood behind, sometimes chatting with Doyoung, reminiscing the old days and Taeil smiling softly at them. Taeil regretted somehow that he fell ill so fast, that he couldn’t be there to share these memories. Taeil didn’t know why this life allowed him to live, why he was given a second chance. He felt guilty for being the one to live, he didn’t feel worthy of loving Doyoung, he never thought he could love him like his departed sister could. Taeil didn’t feel like he could make Doyoung happy, even if the boy smiled at him, embraced him and cherished him, Taeil somehow didn’t feel like Doyoung was truly happy. To him, all the affection he was given felt like a form of responsibility rather than the love he wished it was.

When he wasn’t with Doyoung and Taeil, Jaehyun was with Yuta in the kitchen. He helped him a bit and they chatted for a bit more and when they started laughing more than doing what they had to do Jaehyun felt like he was meddling so he slowly left the kitchen with a smile and let Yuta do his job. He didn’t get the chance to ask about the person he talked to, the one that made him somehow feel sad. And maybe it was better this way, maybe not knowing will make him focus more on himself for once.

Taeyong stood on one of the chairs and fishing out his phone he checked the time and seeing that it showed 12:40PM he placed it back in his pocket and with a heavy sigh he got up and made way for the lockers. He had to go now if he didn’t want to run into Mark. He didn’t feel good about avoiding his little brother, but he was not ready to face him. He didn’t know what to say or what to expect of the man who killed him and took him away from the one he loves.

“Avoiding Mark now?” someone spoke from behind as he opened the door to his locker. The voice didn’t sound spiteful, more like teasing, cocky even.

“No,” Taeyong replied calmly, “I need to be somewhere, I can’t stay.”

“Somewhere with Jae, I assume?” and Taeyong needn’t look back to know that this was teasing for sure now and who that person was also.

“Maybe,” Taeyong said back smiling just a bit as he took off his shirt and placed it on the top shelf. “Why, do you want to ditch Ten and join us?” He turned around with a smug smile on his face and saw Johnny leaning on the door frame smiling back too.

“Join you where?” A head came out from behind Johnny, “We aren’t staying here either. We’re going shopping today.”

“We are?” Johnny said turning his head back, clearly forgetting about any appointment they had.

“Yeah dummy, Yuta’s birthday in two days, remember?” Ten said clearly not surprised.

“Oh right, Yuta.” Johnny said turning back to Taeyong. “Did you buy him something?”

“Uh,” Taeyong said and he felt a bit ashamed of getting caught up in his problems that he forgot about his friend birthday. “Yeah, we’re going to buy something today too.”

“We are?” Jaehyun said walking in and with a t-shirt in his hand and Taeyong smiled as he saw him come closer. “Figured you need this.” Jaehyun whispered, but Ten and Johnny could hear it clearly.

“Thanks.” Taeyong said, “And yeah we are. That’s the matter we had to do today, remember?” he went on trying to use his wiggly eyebrows to emphasize on their important plans and hope the two won’t realize that it was all bullshit and Taeyong completely forgot about Yuta.

“Ah yes, yes, how could I forget, the important matter…” Jaehyun said kind of confused, seeing how Taeyong eyes grew with each moment his lie didn’t seem to work, “The shopping business matter.”

“Ok well, it seems you have ‘matters’ to discuss about,” Ten said and letting out a small chuckle he grabbed Johnny by the hand “so, we are going to leave you alone. Have fun on your ‘shopping business’.” and they were gone before Taeyong could hear Johnny laugh and notice that they knew it was a lie and he forgot about it.

“So what do we have to do?” Jaehyun said as he chuckled a bit too and leaned against a locker, looking at Taeyong and how he was still half dressed. “I thought we were going home.” Jaehyun went on and by now he was gulping air. His fingers started to tickle again and he didn’t realize he was staring at Taeyong’s sharp collarbones and at the way his arms flexed when he needed to get something a bit heavy from the locker.

“Well,” Taeyong said and noticing the pair of eyes that scanned his body he placed the shirt Jaehyun brought him on his shoulder and took a few steps so he was able to straddle Jaehyun on the locker. “We are going home.” He said leaning closer, his breath fawning over Jaehyun’s lips, “Yours, since I live with my parents and they don’t know yet.” And with a smirk he leaned closer and locked their lips together.

Jaehyun felt his skin hot, the tingling sensation in his fingertips turned into sparks and he wanted to touch Taeyong but he feared that his power might hurt him so he only kneed his body closer until Taeyong was fully leaning on Jaehyun and the more he wanted to touch Taeyong the more his body reacted and he felt like exploding. He didn’t understand why his body reacted like this, he kissed people before and touched others before but this never happened. Maybe this was supposed to happen, maybe this is how magicians react when you kiss the one you love and you are loved back. Jaehyun never knew what it was like to kiss someone you love, so maybe this was what lust felt like to those who have magic. He needed to control it somehow, he was afraid of not being able to touch Taeyong. His body was strange, his magic acted strange and it was as if he was going through puberty only that this time he felt like a bomb ready to explode. Taeyong deepened the kiss and before he could focus on his magic control he felt a knee making his way between his legs and feeling his limbs going jelly under Taeyong he had to break the kiss so he could breathe.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Taeyong said, panting a bit.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun said and felling his body calm down he grabbed Taeyong by the back of his neck and drew him back into another kiss. Taeyong no longer leaning all his weight on Jaehyun, sharing it, and this time Jaehyun trusted himself that his magic would not harm the one he loves, this time he wanted to make himself believe that this is what normally happens and Taeyong must not know about this. Taeyong only needs to know that he is loved and that Jaehyun will not leave his side, he will do everything to not part with him. Ever again. “I’m sure.”

“Good.” Taeyong said placing a small kiss on his forehead, bringing his hand up to caress his cheek and with his thumb to touch his slight red lips. Jaehyun let himself fall into the touch and closing his eyes he thought momentarily how lucky he must have been to be able to meet Taeyong again, to be able to do this with the one he loves, the one he loved for so long.

Love seemed ethereal, sometimes when Jaehyun was down enough to think he wasn’t worthy of loving someone, love seemed almost inexistent. Maybe love doesn’t exist, maybe it’s all an illusion and everyone is trapped in the same hallucination. Maybe everyone is living this dream called love. But Jaehyun didn’t care if he was insane, if it was all a dream. He liked this dream. To Jaehyun it was like sparks of fire in his tummy, it came fast and never left. To him Taeyong was a ray of sunshine that he needed when it rained. To him, who he was an outcast all his life, who lost his home and felt like he never belonged anywhere, meeting Taeyong again was his home. Taeyong was home. Because where Taeyong was that’s where Jaehyun’s heart was.

To Taeyong it was another thing entirely. Jaehyun waited and waited, his love grew as years passed, when Taeyong was trapped in the past, he was trapped in time. Taeyong didn’t have time to harvest feelings, he didn’t get the chance to experience things like Jaehyun. Taeyong was just in bliss, because he didn’t have to go through pain, he didn’t have to wait for Jaehyun. For Taeyong it was a gift, his love was the best gift this new life could give him. All the pain and heartbreak he had to go through all those years back seemed like nothing compared to the happiness he was feeling now that he could claim Jaehyun as his.

Love made them think it was all pink and rainbows, love made them think it was real. Love didn’t try to wake them up from this fragile reality they think it’s perfect now. Love and time are not kind, love and time are forces that like to play with humans. Love is evil and time is on her side. Time doesn’t heal, time makes the hole deeper, and time is working with love to wake them up from this dream.

“You know,” Jaehyun began when he felt like his heavy breath steadied for a bit and his limbs didn’t feel like jelly anymore, “you need to face Mark sometime soon. You can’t avoid your brother forever.”

“I know…” Taeyong said, his eyes closing slowly and backing away from Jaehyun, returning to his locker, “but I feel like beating the shit out of him now.” Picking his shirt from the floor he placed it back on his shoulder and started searching for something in his locker. “And I don’t want to beat my baby brother for something he did who knows how many years ago.”

“That’s a nice thing to say.” Jaehyun said coming closer, taking a few steps that he didn’t know why were so heavy. “But you need to forgive him, to let this go.” Jaehyun went on, his body next to Taeyong now and extending his hand he placed it on his cheek and seeing the tensed expression on his beloved face he felt his heart ache.

“I’m trying but it’s not that easy.” Taeyong said biting his lip a bit, “I can’t forgive someone, something, of that gravity in one day.” Taeyong continued, turning his head to face Jaehyun, “I’m not like you. I’m not that good.”

“Don’t…” Jaehyun said, feeling his heart break. “Don’t say that I’m better than you. Don’t put yourself that low.” He turned Taeyong fully now, grabbing his naked shoulders and pulling him close to his chest. “The things I’ve done, the things I’m ashamed of and the secrets I have deep down. I’m not good Taeyong. I’m no better than a liar.”

“You’re good.” Taeyong said, feeling the heavy air around them, “To me, you’re the best thing that I could wish for.” Hugging Jaehyun tighter and hearing his heartbeats slowing down, Taeyong felt himself calm down.

“I’m no better than what Mark did.” Jaehyun said as he stroked Taeyong’s silver locks, “I’ve done worse than him.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Taeyong said, feeling his breathe hitch a bit, his chest heavy all of a sudden. He wanted to know what that meant, he wanted to know all his insecurities and pains, he wanted to heal all his scars and bruises and take everything he was sad about on his shoulders. “I will forgive you, I will forgive Mark too. Because I want to be better for you.”

“You don’t have to be better.” Jaehyun said, feeling the sadness in his tone. “You’re the best king I could serve.”

“I will be a better king.” Taeyong said, his head snuggling a bit in Jaehyun’s chest. “I will be a king you can be proud again, a king everyone needs again. I’ll make Britain great again.” He said and Jaehyun could feel his burden, the burden that came back to rest on his shoulders and he didn’t want that.

“No, that prophecy is not real. You don’t need to be that someone.” Jaehyun said. He wanted to take away his burden, he wanted Taeyong to live happily without any weights. “I know you can do it, because after all, the Britain from now is nothing to the greatness in had back then but I feel like you didn’t came back to make Britain great again. The country is fine. It doesn’t need fixing. Let it be like this. Live your life, don’t take the responsibility again.” Jaehyun went on and he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“But I am a king and a king needs to protect his kingdom, even if it’s good or bad. A king’s duty is to protect its people.” Taeyong said confused, raising his head to look at Jaehyun.

“I know,” Jaehyun clarified, assuring him it was not his intention to make him confused. “What I wanted to say is that maybe it wasn’t the country of Britain that the prophecy meant, maybe it was the people.”

“You’re confusing me.” Taeyong said furrowing his brows, clearly not making any sense of what Jaehyun was saying.

“Everyone that was reborn, maybe it was them who needed you.” Jaehyun said slowly, trying to clarify, “Just like I waited for you to come back to me, maybe everyone shared the same wish. Maybe you being back is God giving us a second chance. Maybe this is what the prophecy meant: ‘When Taeyong will be needed again he will rise.’”

“People wished for me to come back? That’s what you are saying?” Taeyong said, trying to understand. He didn’t know about the prophecy, he didn’t know what Jaehyun was saying because it didn’t make sense.

“Yeah, something like that.” Jaehyun replied to his confusion, “Magic works in mysterious ways.”

“Magic?” Taeyong said and for a moment there he felt like he was missing something. “What do you mean magic? I thought my father made sure that no wizards were left in our Camelot. Since he was bound on thinking that magic is bad.”

“Maybe he didn’t kill everyone.” Jaehyun spoke slowly and he didn’t know if this was the time where he should tell Taeyong that he was in fact the only one in Camelot that managed to keep his magic and never be found out by the king or someone who could put his life in danger. “Maybe he missed someone.”

“Jaehyun,” He began, tone grave somehow, “do you know who that someone is?” Taeyong said and Jaehyun didn’t know how to explain Taeyong’s expression.

“If I said yes,” Jaehyun began carefully, watching Taeyong’s expression turn into sheer curiosity, “What would you do with that information?”

“So you do know who it is.” Taeyong said matter-of-factly, “Tell me, I want to ask him how he managed to escape from my father.” He went on the tensed air slowly fading away, “It’s not like I can kill him or something like that. I’m not my father, and I don’t want to go to jail either. I always wanted to meet a sorcerer, they seem like interesting people.”

“Maybe,” Jaehyun began letting a smile creep its way in, “they aren’t that interesting as you think. I heard they are quite boring actually.”

“Ha-ha. That can’t be.” Taeyong said letting go of Jaehyun and turning back to his locker. Time was ticking and they needed to go. “I heard once that sorcerers know to do all sorts of stuff, like lit fireworks out of thin air, so move items, or change their clothes in an instant.”

“Well yeah, maybe they can.” Jaehyun replied, chuckling at his innocence and curiosity. “They can do more than that.”

“How do you know?” Taeyong questioned fast, “Ah right, you know the sorcerer and won’t tell me his name too.” He went on not even giving Jaehyun time to reply.

“Maybe you need to see someone lit fireworks in front of you to know who that person is.” Jaehyun said, remembering those times when they used to take night walks and would lit one or two fireworks for Taeyong and then creating mirages of people on the other side, so he wouldn’t figure out it was him all along. “Maybe that person is closer to you than you thought.”

“What –“Taeyong began but was cut off by a pair of lips shutting him silent.

They slowly fell back on the locker and Jaehyun didn’t want to break the kiss anymore, they were kissing and Jaehyun felt a fire lit inside and his hands started to burn and everywhere Taeyong touched felt on fire. The kiss deepened soon enough and a shaky hand slowly trailed the line of his spine and rested on his hips for a moment before it raised itself up, taking the shirt he was wearing up with him. The kiss turned too much and too soon and by the time they parted, their lips were red and puffy and Taeyong’s hair was a mess and the shirt from his shoulder was on the floor. Jaehyun didn’t look any different either. His shirt was a bit raised and his pants were almost unbuckled and something was tight in his pants. He felt his cheeks lit up, he saw the crimson on Taeyong and when they locked eyes Jaehyun knew what that look meant. It was the lust he dreamed of, it was the gaze he wanted to see. The gaze that lit a fire in his heart.

“Get dressed.” Jaehyun said as he escaped from Taeyong and managed to arrange his clothes a bit in the process and then he turned around and with a smirk on his face he said, “So I can undress you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: I came back with this fluffy-angst chapter and I also want to apologize for my absence! I was on a trip with my best friend and I didn’t bring my laptop with me! I’ll update again soon sooooooo feel free to enjoy this chapter and tell me what you think in the comments~  
> *sorry for the cliffhanger thou :>*


	9. TINGLE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ATTENTION! SMUT AHEAD. DON'T READ THIS IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS TYPE OF GENRE.

Taeyong got dressed as fast as he could, stealing a glance at Jaehyun when he did something. Jaehyun could only stare at Taeyong, looking how he put on a shirt, then a simple silver necklace, with a pendant that reached his belly button, how he ran a hand through his hair and made it stick out in all the right places. Feeling his cheeks heat up, he didn’t know what has gotten into him, he didn’t know why he said that, but he knew that he wanted this. He waited enough, a thousand years of waiting was enough, he couldn’t bear to wait anymore. And by the small glances Taeyong was throwing his way Taeyong wanted this just as much. It was clear as day that night when he got hard just by kissing. Jaehyun felt even more embarrassed by what he said now. His stomach was doing flips just thinking about it.

Taeyong finished dressing and grabbing Jaehyun by the hand he gave him a small peck on the corner of his mouth and with their fingers intertwined and a very red cheeked Jaehyun they ran from the shop, with a rushed goodbye while holding hands.

The keys that seemed to fall each time Taeyong tried to grab them didn’t help, and neither did the way Jaehyun held his hand and stared at him with a longing in his eyes. Taeyong suddenly decided he couldn’t wait either, he thought he could make it until the apartment but now the more he looked at Jaehyun the more he wanted this. Jaehyun waited enough, Taeyong waited enough. He decided to try new things, opening the door while kissing Jaehyun seemed like a good idea when it was in his head. Actually doing it made Jaehyun push back with the kiss, deepening it and making Taeyong unable to open the door. He dropped the keys to the ground and grabbed Jaehyun by the shoulders, turning him with a spin and trapping him on the right side of the car. Jaehyun let his back rest against the car and with his hands he cupped Taeyong’s face and drew him closer, still kissing him hard.

Taeyong tried to do something to control his drumming heart but the closer he got to Jaehyun the more he could feel his warmth on his body. Jaehyun didn’t know he longed for that warmth so soon, he just felt his warmth, and yet, this one seemed different, something felt like it was on fire, as if his whole body was on fire. There was a tingling sensation in his fingertips, there was something warm growing inside but he forgot to think about each of those actions and what they really meant. He soon realized the closeness of their bodies, the sound of their heartbeats almost clear enough to count them. Taeyong let his hand fall and trying to circle Jaehyun’s waist was stopped in its track by Jaehyun, his hand slipping from his cheek down to find Taeyong’s hand to intertwine their fingers once more and Taeyong let his entire weight fall on Jaehyun.

Breaking the kiss, Taeyong kept his eyes closed as he stood there and listened to their beating hearts. For a moment he thought they were beating in unison. Each heartbeat shared between the space that only they could share. Each heartbeat harder and louder, filling the air between them, the slight noon breeze that settled in the city. Until he decided to open his eyes and meet Jaehyun’s, he stood there, with his forehead resting on Jaehyun’s, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, the soft breathing of his Jaehyun and the wind that was howling between them. He opened his eyes slowly and locked them on Jaehyun’s shaking ones. Taeyong thought it was beautiful. His shaky eyes, his red lips, his white skin and his dark hair, his everything. To Taeyong it was striking; it was perfect.

They didn’t make it until the door. Taeyong jumped on Jaehyun the moment he tried to take out his keys and open the apartment door. Their clothes were already all over the place, trying hard to keep them on until they got to pass the front door at least and Jaehyun felt his heart drumming in his chest like it was ready to pop out and Taeyong was in the same situation. His hot breath fawned over Jaehyun’s lips the moment Jaehyun broke the kiss to get some air.

“Taeyong…” Jaehyun managed to whisper as he leaned with his back on the door, trapped between Taeyong’s arms. “I love you.” He said with his shaky voice as he tried to lock eyes with Taeyong. Taeyong stared back, closing his eyes and letting his head fall to Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“I know.” Taeyong said back. “I love you, too.” He took Jaehyun’s hand in his and for a moment Jaehyun thought that was it, that the heat of the moment passed and they were not going to do anything. But then he tugged at his hand and as Taeyong opened his eyes he straightened himself and with a smirk on his face he pecked Jaehyun’s lips once more before he picked him up from behind his knees up in the air.

“Put me down.” Jaehyun said as he let out a laugh felling his feet leaving the floor. “I’m too heavy for this.”

“You’re as light as a feather.” Taeyong said as he nuzzled his head in the space between Jaehyun’s neck and shoulder, chuckling softly. At that Jaehyun blushed even more, feeling his fingertips lit up, his soul responding again to Taeyong’s soft touch on his body and grabbing Taeyong by the neck he drew him close and kissed him as hard as he could, just so that maybe like this Taeyong won’t see his sparkly fingertips.

It was happening again and Jaehyun started to get afraid once more, he was frightened, he was so scared that he was afraid to touch Taeyong. He had to control his magic, he had to tell himself that he won’t hurt him. Taeyong didn’t seem to notice that Jaehyun had some problems because he was focusing more on getting them to the bedroom. Jaehyun was glad he had his hands behind Taeyong. He let out a breath and tried to calm himself, he tried to make it go away. Maybe if he thought about something else than Taeyong it might work.

Taeyong kicked the cracked bedroom door with his leg and got them inside, walking to the bed and putting Jaehyun down. The moment Jaehyun touched the sheets Taeyong was back on his lips, crawling over him and pushing him back. Taeyong was not missing any chance at claiming Jaehyun as his, kissing everywhere he could, touching everything he could. Jaehyun moved back a bit so he could make way for Taeyong to climb on the bed.

Taeyong started to undress Jaehyun, his shirt being tossed to the floor in some corner. As he was trying to unbuckle his pants, Taeyong started to kiss Jaehyun’s jaw, slowly moving towards his neck and then with small pecks he kissed his sharp collarbones. He could hear the younger whine and small moans left his lips as Jaehyun let his head fall back so Taeyong could have better access.

He raised a hand and placed it on Taeyong’s nape and began to play there with his silver locks. In the heat of the moment, Jaehyun forgot that he had to control his power, forgot to keep his mind on his magic and let his mind be filled of thoughts of Taeyong. Taeyong’s lips on his, Taeyong’s body pressed to his, Taeyong’s arms touching him all over. It was all Taeyong and soon enough his head was spinning. In a blink Jaehyun circled his hands around Taeyong and drew him close to his body, making Taeyong stumble over him and falling flat on his chest. And at first he thought it was ok but then Taeyong mumbled something and Jaehyun thought it was his imagination.

Taeyong felt a sting on his nape but ignored it, hissing a bit. It came just as fast as it went. He tried to get up from Jaehyun and as he was about to take off his shirt too Jaehyun grabbed him and spun them around, grabbing the shirt from his hands and tossing it to the floor with a small cling; probably the necklace he thought subconsciously. Taeyong’s eyes grew wide as he saw Jaehyun above him, all his white skinned beauty for him to admire. Jaehyun placed his right leg between Taeyong legs, his hand going down towards his pants and before he could say something Jaehyun caught his lips and locked them into an open mouthed kiss. It didn’t take long for Taeyong to start whimpering and Jaehyun could only smirk at how cute Taeyong was reacting to his touch.

“Wait…” Taeyong said as he broke the kiss, feeling Jaehyun’s hand massaging his member through his pants. “Wait a second.”

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun said as he released Taeyong completely, putting each of his hand next to Taeyong’s head, trapping him there. Taeyong avoided his eyes and suddenly turned shy. Jaehyun only thought he was even cuter, with his cheeks a crimson color, his hair ruined and his torso naked, all for his display. His sharp collarbones were making Jaehyun gulp thin air. He wanted to kiss them, so he leaned down and started doing so. Small pecks here and there, making Taeyong squirm under him, almost as if he was tickling him.

“I thought…” Taeyong began but couldn’t say it because Jaehyun started to suck on a spot next to his neck and suddenly he felt a tongue licking there too and he was sure now that it was going to leave a mark. It was as if the courage from earlier disappeared completely and he was a virgin boy, his body reacted as if he was on fire and everywhere Jaehyun touched was lit up and tingled.

Jaehyun was confused and for a moment he wanted to stop doing what he was doing and ask what he was talking about but then as he gave Taeyong another mark on the spot right under his neck, he thought about it for a moment and realized by the way Taeyong fidgeted under him and played with the sheets from under him, whimpering and breathing hard, what Taeyong meant by that.

“Will you let me top?” Jaehyun questioned, chuckling a bit at his own words. He saw the blush from Taeyong’s cheeks go redder and when Taeyong let a whimper pass his lips and he turned his head around locking eyes with Jaehyun. He didn’t know why he was acting like this but he nodded nonetheless.

“Be gentle.” Taeyong whispered as he stared into Jaehyun’s eyes and then let the sheets go and with shaky hands he circled Jaehyun’s shoulders and let them draw Jaehyun in for another kiss. He wasn’t afraid of letting Jaehyun take the lead, he was ok with that, but he was a bit reticent because it was his first time being the one on the receiving end. It felt weird somehow.

He never felt like this, he never trembled at someone’s touch, he never felt this hot before, and he could never embrace someone’s warmth like this and let his soul drown into it. But if it was Jaehyun then it was ok, everything about Jaehyun was ok, because Jaehyun was the one he chose to love, because this is what he wanted and maybe he was meant for the start to let Jaehyun embrace him, because in his arms he was home. In his warmth he felt like home.

“I’ll never hurt you,” Jaehyun said as he kissed his forehead, “Because you’re my beloved king and I won’t dare to hurt your royal ass.”

Jaehyun began to kiss wherever he could, leaving marks on his collarbones and neck, all the while massaging Taeyong’s hardness. Taeyong squirmed and whined and Jaehyun knew he was teasing, he could just take his pants off and let him have its way but it was like he was waiting for Taeyong to ask for it. Jaehyun opened his pants just a bit before he waved down on his chest and started kissing a trail of butterfly kisses, from his heart to his mouth.

“D-Don’t…” Taeyong began between kisses but Jaehyun only smirked at his sentence, bringing his free hand to his left nipple and starting to play with it. “Tease!” Taeyong moaned all of a sudden when he felt a slight pinch on his chest.

“Tell me what you want.” Jaehyun said, stopping his kissing spree and looking at Taeyong with a smug look on his face. He wanted to have Taeyong completely under his control, he wanted Taeyong to ask for everything because Jaehyun wanted to give him everything his heart wished for. “I will make it real.”

“Jaehyun…” Taeyong said avoiding his eyes. They were boring holes in his soul and Taeyong felt like he was drowning but he never imagined Jaehyun to be someone who liked this type of play. Taeyong let out a small chuckle before he caught himself, “take my pants off.”

Jaehyun did as he was told. He started kissing a trail of kisses from his lips, to his jaw, his neck on the left side, then the right side, all the while trying to take Taeyong’s pants off and tossing them next to the bed. Taeyong was restless, giving out a small moan as he felt the slight cold air from the room hitting his legs, the air that was soon replaced with a warmth he drowned in once more, feeling hands running up and down his upper tights. Jaehyun began kissing the new red bruised collarbones, going down to his chest and with a small smile he started leaving a trail of butterfly kisses to his abdomen. Taeyong squirmed and whined and by the time Jaehyun reached his waist and started kissing around his waist band, Taeyong was a moaning mess.

“Anything else?” Jaehyun said as he was changing their positions. Taking Taeyong’s legs and placing them on each side of his body, Jaehyun resting between them. Jaehyun had the view from above and the more he looked at Taeyong’s body trembling at his every touch the more he felt his throbbing erection in his boxers.

“My…” Taeyong began, leaving the wall he was staring at to look at Jaehyun again, “underwear too.”

Jaehyun did as he was told again. He leant down and kissed the waistband of his briefs again before he smirked and placed another soft kiss to the growing member in them. He moved a bit so he could take them off and when the member came out freely into view Jaehyun smirked just thinking about what’s coming. Taeyong however, out of embarrassment, bought his hands down to cover his member and curled up to hide it from Jaehyun’s view.

“Don’t get shy now.” Jaehyun said as he bent down to kiss Taeyong again, all the while parting his legs and placing them around his waist again. Jaehyun let his weight fall down on Taeyong, his clothed member rubbing against Taeyong’s naked one.

Jaehyun started deepening the kiss again, gaining access to Taeyong’s mouth and sucking on his tongue at the same time as he grinded upwards, managed to get out a moan out of Taeyong, leaving him panting for more.

“Jae…” Taeyong started to mumble, wanting to say something between the kisses. “M-More.” He managed to say and Jaehyun only smiled at that, leaving his lips and with another small peck going down to take Taeyong’s member in his warm mouth.

Taeyong felt his stomach flipping more and more and with each slow lick from Jaehyun he only held the sheets tighter. Soon enough Jaehyun was sucking and what he couldn’t fit in his mouth pumped with his hand. Taeyong couldn’t take it anymore, moaning his name, slurring words only he could understand, before a certain tingling sensation filled his stomach and grabbing a fistful of his dark locks he moaned his name and came in his mouth without a warning, arching his back and throwing his head back on the pillows.

“Well, that was fast.” Jaehyun said as he wiped the corners of his mouth before he leant back down to kiss Taeyong again allowing his king to taste himself. Taeyong didn’t care about the salty, yet not that strong taste in his mouth that settled on his tongue and when Jaehyun left his lips he could see how strong he grabbed his hair earlier.

Jaehyun let his hand wander around Taeyong’s body, touching his right side everywhere he could reach before his hand went towards the back Taeyong’s waist and going towards the middle of his lower back Jaehyun searched for the place he wanted to touch, still kissing Taeyong hard. Taeyong’s whimper drowned in the kiss when he felt something wandering around his butt and then slim fingers making their way towards his entrance.

Jaehyun stopped kissing his lips and moving lower he started kissing his inner right thigh, leaving a beautiful red mark there too. Taeyong’s hand left the sheets again and brought his hand to grip Jaehyun’s hair and slowly raising his head from the pillows he searched for Jaehyun’s eyes and when he met those eyes he regretted his decision immediately. Jaehyun was staring at his every move, boring into him, almost as if he was looking at his soul and in that moment Taeyong never felt so naked.

“Anything else your heart desires?” Jaehyun purred looking at Taeyong and he didn’t know where he got the sound out but it seemed like Taeyong liked it because he actually trembled again.

“Just…” Taeyong said as he let his head fall on the pillows again and feeling the fingers playing with his entrance, and yet not entering, just fawning over it. He wanted Jaehyun to stop teasing already. His member was hard again, aching for something more. His chest was heavy and his breaths uneven and everywhere Jaehyun touched was hot and he couldn’t bear it anymore. He just wanted Jaehyun. “Wreck me.” He said whining again, placing a hand over his eyes, “Do whatever you want with me.”

Jaehyun liked that answer more than he should. “That’s my king.” He said smirking again and going up to kiss him again, something to distract Taeyong from the finger that just made way towards his entrance, entering slowly, but surely.

It was strange at first, not being used with the foreign sensation in that part, but Taeyong got used to it and soon he was whining for the second one and Jaehyun complied, inserting a second finger and massaging slowly, sometimes scissoring so that he could get used with it. Taeyong whimpered at the stretch but he only grabbed Jaehyun and dragged him back down for another kiss. Jaehyun played with his entrance the best way he could, because without any lube he knew it would hurt if he entered raw; he’s been on the receiving end a few times and it wasn’t always pretty.

“Another one.” Taeyong said between his kisses, spreading his legs more so that Jaehyun could have better access. Jaehyun did as he was told, using the two fingers for a bit more, teasing and searching, before he entered the third finger. The stretch was too much for Taeyong and from where he was Jaehyun looked and could see how tensed Taeyong was, his face scrunched in pain and he wanted to stop when he saw that from the corner of his closed eyes tears started to fall on his beautiful face.

“Relax Tae, relax.” Jaehyun tried to smooth him, bringing his free hand to wipe away his tears and make Taeyong to look at him and he smiled. Taeyong smiled even when Jaehyun knew very well it hurt him, he smiled and looked at him lovingly. Taeyong was happy. “Don’t look at me like that.” Jaehyun managed to say, “I might start crying. I’m too happy right now.”

Taeyong just smiled and didn’t say anything. He just focused on relaxing his muscles, he focused on getting used with the strange sensation and before he knew it he was already alright with the stretch. Jaehyun kept using his fingers to make Taeyong feel better and better and suddenly Taeyong flinched and moaned out loud, surprising both of them.

“Found it.” Jaehyun smirked and kept pressing his fingers there, on that spot and Taeyong was a moaning mess, his voice loud in the room, filling the space. Taeyong squirmed and trembled, being completely at the mercy of Jaehyun. He didn’t know what to do, his whole head started to spin and there was something clogging in his stomach and he felt like he could come again. He wanted Jaehyun. He wanted to feel Jaehyun’s length pounding inside, he wanted them to connect.

“Stop, teasing.” Taeyong managed to mumble between his moans, tugging at Jaehyun’s arm. “Give it to me.”

Jaehyun was surprised Taeyong was so obedient, he thought he would fight some more, but it seems that lately he’s learning new things about Taeyong that he never imagined before. Taeyong was a vocal one for sure, Taeyong whimpered when he wanted something, making it sound cute and making Jaehyun’s heart clench at the cuteness. Taeyong liked to kiss, liked to take dominance while French-kissing. Taeyong liked it when he was holding his hand. Taeyong shivered under his touch, and trembled at his whisper. Taeyong was a mess under Jaehyun and Jaehyun thought he has never seen a man so beautiful. All those lovers he had before, all those things he did before just so he could see Taeyong again were worth it. Because in this moment, right now, Jaehyun never felt more complete.

Jaehyun positioned himself, took his throbbing member in his hand and pumping it a few times, he felt his fingers tingle again, and he felt his stomach flip when he looked at how Taeyong was looking up at him, waiting for it, getting his heart ready for it. Jaehyun took a deep breath before he placed the tip in front of the entrance and leaning down while closing his eyes. He kissed Taeyong all the while entering him, trying to take away any thought he could have about the pain that would soon be felt.

Taeyong felt warm lips on his but he couldn’t focus more on that warmth because his lower side felt like it would rip in two and he cried out in pain when he felt Jaehyun inside. Jaehyun wanted to back out the moment he heard it, he wanted to draw out. This was hurting him, this wasn’t right, Taeyong was supposed to feel good. Maybe it was too soon, maybe he should have prepared him more.

“Wait…” Taeyong said grabbing Jaehyun before he could pull out. “Give me a minute.”

“But I’m hurting you.” Jaehyun tried to argue still set on pulling out. There were tears on the corner of Taeyong’s eyes again, so he leant down and kissed his tears away, hearing Taeyong relaxing under his touch. “If it hurts, we don’t have to do it. We can stop.”

“No, wait, just give me a minute.” Taeyong said again. He wanted this, it was just that he wasn’t ready for it to hurt like this. He never thought that being on the receiving end felt like this. He almost started to feel pity for his former lovers, or well, one night stands. “Even if it hurts, it’s ok.”

“Tae…” Jaehyun said as his hand was going between their sweaty bodies to grab Taeyong’s member and start pumping. Anything to make him think of something else, anything for him to relax. “Listen to my voice only.” Jaehyun thought of something, maybe if he was speaking and keeping his mind anywhere else he could make him forget.

“That’s what I want to do for the rest of my life.” Taeyong said as he tried to raise his head and kiss Jaehyun again. It was sloppy but it was what he needed. He needed Jaehyun’s warmth, he wanted to drown more, he wanted to drown completely, he wanted to shut the reality out forever and he wanted to see only Jaehyun. He wanted to lock both of them up and drown in each other.

“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?” Jaehyun spoke as he smiled against the kiss before he broke apart, still pumping Taeyong and still waiting for him to adjust to his length. Taeyong shook his head, not daring to speak, afraid he would cry out again. “I never told you how beautiful your silver hair is. I would look at it from the window in my room when you were out in the garden. I remember how soft it is even now after all these years. I remember when I held you in my arms and while you were snoring I would pat your head and you would snuggle closer and I could even smell the lavender and vanilla from your hair.” Jaehyun said all the while looking at Taeyong’s hair and playing with it.

“I was born with black hair here.” Taeyong whispered slowly, “I don’t know why I dyed it silver, but I guess I was unconsciously doing things that only made me resemble who I was.”

“Maybe black will suit you too, because you’re perfect no matter what color your hair is. I would love you even if you decided to go bald.” Jaehyun said as he started to chuckle and he somehow felt the walls around his member relax a bit. It was working Jaehyun thought. “I love your eyes too. The deep color and the way you like to stare at things, almost as if everything around that exact point fades out the moment you stare at it. I love that stare, because when you use it one me, my heart does this thing when it skips some beats and I feel like turning into jelly.”

“It’s because when I look at you I only see you and no one else matters.” Taeyong said as he smiled, relaxing more and more and before he realized there was no pain left. “It’s because if I only see you then, maybe, you only see me too. Maybe like that I feel like I truly am loved.”

“You are loved.” Jaehyun said feeling the way Taeyong relaxed and he tried to move a bit, seeing how Taeyong winced but didn’t look like it hurt that bad now. “You are loved more than you know.”

“Thank you,” Taeyong managed to say, feeling the pain slowly coming back as Jaehyun moved and he wasn’t sure if this was how it was supposed to feel but somehow he felt full and he didn’t want Jaehyun to stop. “For seeing me as someone beautiful.”

Jaehyun only smiled at that and began kissing Taeyong again, wherever he could, while moving faster and faster until he hit that spot again and Taeyong was a moaning mess. Taeyong was saying all sorts of things and by the way Jaehyun was holding his hips he wouldn’t be surprised if he saw bruises there by nightfall. Jaehyun kept hitting that same spot over and over again and soon Taeyong was talking gibberish and there was not a single word clear out of what he was saying. The pain he felt just a while ago was completely gone, being replaced by pleasure. He was drowning in Jaehyun’s touch again. In his kisses, in the way he whispered sweet things in his ear so he would stop thinking about anything else but him. Taeyong felt the tingle sensation in his stomach, he felt it fill up with something, the same sensation he felt twice already but this time he wanted it to let it out.

“I’m about to…” Taeyong started to sound sane again, but he lost it as soon as the words left his tongue. Jaehyun pumped a few times more before he felt the same thing too. He wanted release too, but somehow he wanted to come with Taeyong, he wanted them to come in sync.

Taeyong saw white and crying out again, the tears from the corner of his eyes falling down until they reached the pillow under his head he arched his back and came all over their abdomens. Jaehyun thrust a few more times before he came inside Taeyong, lowering himself and catching Taeyong’s lips while he came down from his high. The kiss was sloppy and they even clashed their teeth but Taeyong welcomed the lips that softly touched his.

Jaehyun collapsed completely on Taeyong’s chest, pulling out of Taeyong and managing to bring a numb hand around his waist he drew him even closer and tried to snuggle his head in the space between his neck and shoulder. It didn’t matter that they probably were dirty and sweaty and the room smelled like sex and vanilla, Jaehyun just wanted to stay like this forever.

“I can’t believe I did it…” Taeyong mumbled, not sure of what he was referring to.

“It was good though right?” Jaehyun said chuckling. He wanted Taeyong to say yes, so he wasn’t really surprised when he felt Taeyong humming in approval.

Jaehyun got up after ten minutes of lying there and catching his breath. He slowly picked himself up and with a small smile he leaned down again and kissed Taeyong.

“I’m going to go and get something to clean us up. Don’t move yet.” Jaehyun instructed, hoping Taeyong knew at least not to move because it might hurt now.

He came back after not even two minutes with a bowl and a white towel in his hand. Taeyong looked at him coming in, still naked and even if they just did it Taeyong suddenly started to feel aware of their intimacy and he felt how his cheeks started to heat up.

“Don’t get shy again.” Jaehyun said chuckling and taking a seat down on the bed next to Taeyong. He started wiping him clean, slowly cleaning his abdomen. Taeyong flinched a bit at the hot water that touched his stomach. Jaehyun slowly turned his body on the side and wetting the cloth again he squeezed the water out and began to clean Taeyong’s butt too, being extra careful around his entrance.

“It stiiinngs~” Taeyong said cutely, earning a peck on the temple from Jaehyun.

When Jaehyun finished cleaning him, he put the cloth down and began to pick up some of the clothes that were disheveled on the floor. Taeyong only stared at how his beloved moved around naked without any shame apparently. He got himself a pair of briefs and a pink shirt from his wardrobe and put them on. He didn’t know if this was always how he was or it was just that he did this so many times that it became a habit.

Thinking about it now Taeyong realized, he never asked Jaehyun how many lovers he had, or how experienced he was. He just gave himself up like that. He didn’t know why he suddenly cared about that but somehow he wished he would have been his first time. He started to feel a green feeling creeping around his heart and he started to have this regretful thoughts. He thought how special it would have been if they would have been their firsts. He thought how special it would have felt if they were to experience everything together. He was starting to think like a small child. He knew he was being impossible, that it would have been impossible to do such a thing, but he still felt like he wanted them to experience everything together. But before he could think more about it he felt hands around his legs and he saw Jaehyun trying to dress him up a bit, slipping a new pair of blue briefs around his legs. Taeyong tried to get himself up in a sitting position. It stung to move, but he had worse.

When he felt like Jaehyun was close enough to grab him and drag him down, he stretched his hand and grabbing him he bought him back to the bed and they were once more tangled in each other’s warmth. Jaehyun wasn’t surprised to see Taeyong wanting to cuddle again. It was as if he loved to cuddle more than him. Maybe Taeyong loved cuddling more than he loved Jaehyun. But that was impossible.

“I miss your warmth.” Taeyong said, surprising himself for voicing that out. But he saw the small smile Jaehyun started to blossom on his face. They were facing each other, each lying down on the side, legs intertwined and Jaehyun’s hand searching for Taeyong’s to intertwine their fingers too.

“I missed cuddling with you.” Jaehyun said finally finding his hand and grabbing it tight he went closer and closing the space between their faces he kissed Taeyong again. “I love you.”

“I know.” Taeyong said smiling against the kiss, his words fawning over Jaehyun’s lips. “I missed cuddling with you too.” Taeyong said, trying to ignore his drumming heart beat again. He suddenly wanted to kiss Jaehyun again, he wanted to drown in that warmth again so he managed to climb over Jaehyun and watching from above he was hit again with the realization of how beautiful he is. He leant down to kiss him again. It was innocent and chaste this time. It was almost pure and Jaehyun felt the tingling sensation in his fingertips again.

Jaehyun forgot for a moment that he wasn’t actually in the situation to forget about this but with Taeyong kissing him and sitting comfortably on his abdomen his head was filled with thoughts of Taeyong again. He got his hands around Taeyong’s neck and started to play with his silver locks again. The tingling sensation only became more and more persistent, it was as if this time his fingertips were really on fire.

“It stings!” Taeyong cried out breaking the kiss and jumping a bit on Jaehyun. He bought his hand back to where it stung and his eyes widened the moment he touched his nape and it was so hot that it felt like fire.

“Sorry!” Jaehyun replied hastily as he pushed Taeyong down from his body and got up on his knees and closing his hands into fists he hid them behind. “I’m sorry!” Jaehyun said again and he knew what it happened. In a moment the lovely atmosphere turned into something that Jaehyun didn’t know how to manage. It was his fault. He didn’t know what to do, he was alarmed, and he was scared. He hurt Taeyong because he thought about Taeyong. It made no sense, it was completely senseless but it happened and he was even more confused.

Jaehyun started to blame himself, he started to picture all the ways this could go wrong. He hurt the one he loved because he was careless, because he didn’t think about it. Jaehyun felt his eyes water and he was afraid. Jaehyun was so scared to touch Taeyong again that he curled himself up and started shaking.

“What are you sorry for?” Taeyong questioned rubbing his neck, not seeing the horror in Jaehyun’s eyes. “You didn’t do anything to be sorry for.” He continued and crawled towards Jaehyun to continue what they were doing but then when he finally looked at Jaehyun, Taeyong saw something he shouldn’t have and it was as if he was hit with ice cold water. Jaehyun’s beautiful eyes were glassy and shaky, they had fear in them, Jaehyun was afraid of something and he was terrified; Jaehyun was trembling like a dog in the rain. Taeyong couldn’t pin that what he was afraid of until he tried to touch Jaehyun and take him in his arms. Jaehyun was afraid to touch him somehow and Taeyong couldn’t understand why.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said again, his voice breaking and closing his eyes they started to spill tears. Jaehyun started crying, his fists tightening harder and when he felt Taeyong’s arms around his trembling shoulders. “I didn’t want to do it.”

“It’s ok. It was nothing.” Taeyong said, soothing him and patting his back. He was confused but he wanted Jaehyun to stop crying. It happened so out of the blue that he didn’t even know when the air from this room started to be so warm, when this room suddenly started to feel like something caught on fire. It smelled like something got burnt, it was almost intoxicating, but he didn’t know where it came from.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said again, his trembling seemed to stop and Taeyong started to kiss his tears away. It was salty, and it was strange somehow. Taeyong tasted the tears and the saltiness was somehow sweet, and then the warm tears turned cold and it made no sense. It was as if someone turned the water switch.

“Stop crying love,” Taeyong started to whisper in his ear and thinking that Jaehyun was cold he turned around and grabbed a blanket that fell to the floor, earlier, and putting it around Jaehyun’s shoulders he started massaging his arms. “It’s alright.”

“I won’t do it again.” Jaehyun said. He was like a small child that got scolded, and Taeyong couldn’t understand anything anymore. Jaehyun was a crying mess, and he felt his powers going haywire. He felt his hands on fire, his cheeks cold as ice. He felt his heart beating faster and faster and he felt like exploding. He needed to calm down or else he might do something he would regret. He might do something he wasn’t ready to show.

“Calm down,” Taeyong tried again. Taking his hands in his and they were so hot as if Jaehyun’s chest was a heater. He found it strange but he let it pass. Maybe if there are people with cold hands there are people with warm hands too. He tried to uncurl Jaehyun and make him lay down. Taeyong embraced his trembling body into a warm hug and for a moment there he felt Jaehyun relaxing.

Jaehyun didn’t know what to do. He wanted to stop the time until he got better. Maybe he could do it. Maybe Taeyong won’t notice him mumbling some spell to stop his time for ten minutes. But Jaehyun decided not to. He wanted to control this because even if he stopped the time now, when he was near Taeyong again it might come back.

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun said, finally calming down and the only thing he could think of in that moment was to put down fire with fire. “If I ever hurt you again,” Jaehyun continued, locking eyes with Taeyong. “Kill me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: OMG ITS 4K WORDS OF SMUT HOW DID I EVEN OMG I CANT EVEN! Sooooo with that said~ I hope everyone enjoys this as much as possible. And since university is starting and im going to be a first year I don’t know how fast I can update. But I will do my best~  
> Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments!


	10. HEALING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: It’s been a while, I know and I’m sorry! I have such a chaotic schedule I literally get home and sleep. So I don’t know how many of you saw the update but the next few chapters are going to probably include the other side pairings too~ I hope everyone is okay with that!!

_“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.”_

 

Love is always such a funny thing, because you never know if you truly love someone or it’s just a phase. Maybe you love the idea of it, maybe you heard that it’s a beautiful feeling and once you experience it it’s going to make you feel whole, it’s going to make you feel complete. You never know if you should really give your heart to someone or if it’s just the idea of love that you want to experience. Either way, people fall in love when they least expect it, because that’s one of the types on how the society labeled love; unexpected.

Yuta was born and raised in Japan. He was always a child who liked to have people around him, who liked to make lots of friends, who liked to make people smile, because then he would smile too. His parents grew him to be wise, to know how to take care of himself, because he was taught from small that you can only trust yourself, because it is you who’s making your future. Yuta was given the ultimatum of reaching a high level in society, because his parents were too, people belonging to the high class. Yuta learned from his parents how to control everything around him, learned how to control his emotions, and he learned that only by succeeding in everything you can truly feel complete.

Then, his father suddenly got a promotion at work and they decided it was time for them to make a change, for the better they thought at that time. So they decided to move to Britain, ripping Yuta away from everything and everyone he cherished. Britain was too big for him, the language came easy to learn and he couldn’t explain why, the Japanese culture stuck with him for a while but then he learned to follow the new one, he learned how to act and move and make them think he was English. No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to fit in this new world he was trapped in now, he never felt like he belonged no matter where he was. His home felt empty, his room was not the same one he had grown up with, and his school was going well but he still felt like an outcast.

Britain left him cold, and his parents were not helping him either. They saw this as an opportunity for him to become independent, to live on its own, because he was already sixteen and they thought it was the right age to start living for yourself and learn about life. They got him a flat and Yuta started living together with a guy who he didn’t even try to remember his name. He thought that being alone like his parents wanted would be what he should do. So he tried to rip himself from reality, he tried to find other things that would make him feel complete.

Being alone gave him time to think, which was never good for him. Growing up with parents that cared more about your grades and status than your health or happiness made him think if he really was loved by them. He always envied the children who he saw in the park with their parents, he always envied the classmates who always seemed to have fun going to family trips and camping. He was only sixteen and he already felt like there was no one out there who loved him, because if your family doesn’t even make an effort to try and love you then who is there left in the world that can love you.

When he turned seventeen he started to feel like something was off. His dreams started to have strange vibes and he would wake up in the middle of the night hearing screaming and voices that he never heard before, they were screaming a name he thought he heard it before. The dreams turned into shrieks of pain in the middle of the night, shivering when he would wake up and soon enough they were no longer dreams, they were nightmares. Sometimes he would wake up screaming, because he dreamt of dying. He dreamt the same thing over and over again that he had the lines, the faces, the smells, he had it all memorized. It was almost like it was real. Too real.

His sleep hours decreased, he found some peace in watching dramas, or animations, or reading, but each time he was sleepy he tried to fight it off, he tried to keep himself up because he knew that when he falls asleep the nightmare of seeing so many people he doesn’t know, and yet feels connected with, dying right in front of him was going to come back and haunt him again.

The dream started to feel so real that when he started his final year of high school and he got new classmates he felt like he was going completely crazy. He got two new classmates. They were not the same age, it was something about how they were involved in an accident and were in a coma until recently and now they have to repeat their last year. The boys called themselves Doyoung and Taeil. Claimed to be brothers, but to Yuta it was all going to the back of his mind because it couldn’t be possible. The voices were the same voices he heard in his dreams, their faces were the same faces he saw in his dream the other night. Taeil died in front of him because of a disease and later on, Doyoung was the one who betrayed the king and fled the kingdom. He thought he was crazy, he was going insane, because he just saw the people he dreamt about.

He always felt a strange vibe that something was off. His dreams always felt too real to be just dreams, but he never questioned what it was, he never tried to answer the questions that popped in his head when he would wake up in the morning feeling like he was born in another world, feeling like he was already tired of life, like he already lived his span. He never told anyone about how he sometimes felt a pain in his right side, how it felt like a cold blade pierced through it when it rained outside. He locked himself up, he never wanted anyone to know his pain, he never wanted to let someone understand him, because he was sure no one will, he was sure there was no a single soul in this world that would understand his fear. Because after all, his family didn’t love him enough to care about his being, so why should he go running to them now when he needed them the most?

By the time he was eighteen, Yuta managed to get a few friends. Ten, his upper classmate, and Johnny, his classmate, sometimes made him smile, their goofiness and loveable air never failing to crack a smile on his face. But then each time he smiled he felt like dying too, because in his dreams there were two people who looked exactly like his two friends, because in his dream those two friends perished next to him in a battle. He heard their screams when he woke up, he could hear their cries for help, for some king to save them. A king that he saw fading in the arms of another man, the arms of someone he felt like it was a friend, someone that appeared before him when he felt his body heavy, slowly turning stone cold.

Ten and Johnny brought along Taeil and Doyoung, the two classmates he saw and made his theory that he was crazy even more real than it already was. Yuta liked to keep a certain distance by now, he learned how to hide everything inside, and he learned to smile through the pain. Doyoung made him feel like he knew something more, he felt like Doyoung could read him, and he felt like he could see his fear and he hated that. He slowly grew emotions he knew were wrong at some point, but he couldn’t help but loath people who tried to help him, who pitied him, he despised those eyes and he saw the same thing each time he looked at Doyoung. Sometimes he felt the same pair of eyes coming from Taeil too. He felt judged, he felt like he had to give them an explanation for his dark circles, for his locked up emotions, for everything he tried to bottle up until now. He was fine like that. Yuta never needed anyone, because he wasn’t like everyone else, he was an outcast. Yuta thought he was crazy, because he kept dreaming the same thing over and over again and he already knew by heart the cries of his friends as life faded out of them, as they held each other close, trying to save their last breath.

When he was nineteen, Yuta stopped trying to get sleep, he stopped trying to stop the nightmares, because nothing helped and in a matter of months he stopped caring altogether. He saw his friends falling in love with each other more and more every day, he saw how they found happiness in each other and he knew he could never have that, because he feared that one day those dreams of them dying would all come true. He stopped caring, the only feeling left with him was the feeling that there was no one out there to love him.

Yuta started to find passion in cooking, there was something about seeing the little smiles on people’s faces when the food tasted good. He cooked sometimes for Ten, or even Taeil. They always praised him and told him it was good, but he thought they were just trying to make conversation, or they were just trying to make him feel better. When he made food, there was something about the way he made it, it felt like he was putting something that resembled love in it too. He liked to make Japanese food, because it made him feel like he belonged there, and for a while he thought that being close to Japan was home. But the more he learned about Britain, the more he felt like he could never belong to Japan, but he was not going to belong to this society either.

 

 

Yuta was cooking in his shared apartment with a roommate he never really spoke with much. It wasn’t that the guy didn’t want to make conversation, it was Yuta who tried to avoid him at all costs. When he moved in he already was there, unpacking. They greeted each other and sometimes they made small talk, but nothing more. Yuta wasn’t even sure what his name was.

“It smells good today.” Someone spoke from behind him and Yuta almost flinched.

“Thanks.” He said trying to move away from the one he recognized as his roommate.

“Japanese, I guess?” he went on, seeing his roommate trying to run away again.

“Yes.” He replied shortly.

There was a pause and for a moment Yuta thought his roommate left the kitchen, but then he heard a chair being moved and he heard some shuffling and when he turned back he saw the man sitting down with a plate in front of him and chopsticks.

“I want us to eat together.” He said and Yuta didn’t know how to say no. His roommate always seemed like he did whatever he wanted, he seemed rather carefree. Unlike Yuta, he seemed like a normal teenager.

Yuta nodded and turning back to the food he kept doing his thing and after twenty minutes he turned off the stove and came back with a pot of hot steaming soup, noodles, two halves of an egg and a very cute pink and white spiraled candy-like in the middle of the noodle mountain.

“Oh? Is this how Japanese ramen looks like?” he said grabbing his chopsticks and being ready to dig in.

“Yeah, you know about it?” Yuta said taking a place at the table, across from his roommate, flashing him the best smile he could do in this given situation. A smile he practiced over and over in the mirror.

“I know it, I saw it in Naruto a lot!” he said rather happily and Yuta didn’t know why but he smiled again. It wasn’t big, and for once it wasn’t fake either. But the man in front of him didn’t see his smile, so there was something inside of him that felt like it just went to waste. The smile was genuine, because he knew about Naruto too, he liked that too, but he wouldn’t tell his roommate that, because watching anime and reading manga was the only thing that allowed him to escape this reality and he didn’t want someone to know about that. He didn’t want to share the only thing that made him happy, because he was afraid of losing that too.

“Well, Naruto is Japanese so that’s why.” He added, forgetting for a moment that he should run away until he slips something he shouldn’t slip.

“Do you watch it too?” He questioned as he grabbed some noodles and started eating.

“Maybe…” Yuta said starting to eat too. “But it shouldn’t concern you what I watch and what I don’t.”

The other boy didn’t say anything and just kept eating. Yuta thought it was over, that he ended it at that. It might have sounded harsh but he really didn’t want any more friends. It was already too hard for him to keep up his walls, it was hard to have your shields up for a long time and it was hard to fool four people, or five if he counted the new added friend Doyoung bought along last week. His roommate however never appeared in his dreams. Unlike Ten, or Doyoung, even his newest friend Taeyong, who looked so much like the king they all sought out for, his roommate never appeared in his dreams. Maybe it was a sign that he was finally healing. He liked to think that he can be healed without actually getting any help.

“If you ever need someone to talk to,” his roommate started, and Yuta didn’t know what to expect but he was a bit sure of what was coming, “I’m here to listen.”

“I don’t need to talk with anyone.” Yuta said, right after the words left the other boy’s lips. “I’m perfectly fine.” He finished and he got up and turning around he heard some mumbling from behind.

Yuta managed to get himself so low that he thought that by seeking help would make him look weak, he saw help as a weakness rather than something that would fix him. He had these thoughts that never allowed him to seek help, not from his family, not from his friends, let alone a specialist. Or even worse, his roommate who was a mystery to him until now.

“Then stop crying at night.” His roommate repeated again.

“What?” Yuta turned around, horrified. He wasn’t supposed to hear, he was careful to not let anyone hear it. He thought he heard it wrong, he was sure he heard it wrong, this couldn’t be. No one heard him crying before.

“I can hear you,” he said calmly, getting up from the table, almost as if he was reading his thoughts, coming closer to the horrified boy in front of him. “I can hear you cry yourself to sleep at night,” he said taking a step closer, “I can hear your screams in the morning sometimes,” another step, “I know, Yuta.” Another step and he was sitting right in front of Yuta.

“Stop.” Yuta managed to say. He was scared, he was horrified. It wasn’t true, he was lying, there was no way he was telling the truth. “You’re lying.”

“I can see your fear.” He said and taking the final step he raised his arms and taking a shivering Yuta in his embrace he went on, “I don’t like the sound of your cries, I don’t like the sound of your screams, I don’t like the way you try to smile when your friends come over.” Yuta was afraid at this point that Doyoung was not the one he should have ran away from, but his roommate. He made an error, a miscalculation.

“I’m ok.” Yuta said weakly and the man holding him sighted. Yuta let his eyes close and he knew there was no point trying by now. It was his mistake, he wasn’t careful enough and now someone might figure out, someone might be able to read him and he was so weak by this point that his emotions wanted to allow this stranger to do that. “So, just stop.”

“I hate it when I, as the stranger I am, can see your pain in your eyes and your close friends can’t even tell the difference.” The boy said as he let Yuta a bit and he could see his face now. His golden locks fell on his forehead and covered it fully, his eyes were big and he never noticed how his dark eyes were boring holes into his soul.

“Stop…” Yuta whispered but his roommate didn’t listen to a single word. It was just as Yuta said, he had a will of its own, he always did everything he wanted. He felt his eyes shaking, his body felt cold and he was so scared that this person knew about his insecurities and fear that he decided to just go back to his embrace and let him say whatever and then go away. Maybe if he didn’t listen to his words he wouldn’t add another person to his list of avoiding.

“I don’t know when, I don’t know why,” He said as he let Yuta rest his head on his shoulder and slowly started to play with the locks of Yuta’s hair, “But I want to see you smiling, a real one, like those smiles kids give when they get candy.”

Yuta heard his heartbeat, he felt his legs go jelly, and those words went straight to his weak heart. There was a quiet peace to which his heartbeat was drumming against his chest, there was a calm sound that made him forget that his roommate knew too much. Maybe it was because he hasn’t slept in days, he didn’t have a full night sleep in years, maybe it was because he was so tired lately that he just needed someone to tell him its ok to cry. He was so messed up that he didn’t even knew what he wanted. There was a certain warmth that surrounded him, there was the sound of his heart beating loud in his ear that calmed him down, and before he could mutter another stop, he felt his eyelids heavy, his vision turning blurry and then he heard some words that he couldn’t distinguish and he saw black.

 

 

Their meals together increased, their small talks about Naruto turned into fully planned anime nights marathons. After touching his roommate a few times he started to yearn for his embrace again. He didn’t understand why he wanted that, why he needed his roommate when he was alone at times. The only thing that made him think it was safe to be friends with his roommate, whom name he learned after taking a peek at his roommate driving license, Hansol, was that he never once appeared in his dreams. 

Yuta was perplexed, because by this time every single friend from his circle of friends seemed to appear in his dreams and yet, Hansol never came. He would think that it’s a sign that he was healing, he would think that maybe there was something special about Hansol, and yet he never tried to question why that was. Just like everything else in his life, he didn’t try to question because he was afraid he won’t get the answer he wants to hear.

 

 

It’s rather the concept of loving that was intriguing at first. He heard Hansol talk on the phone with his parents once. He came from South Korea, which wasn’t far from Japan. He liked to hear him talk in Korean because he had this accent that made everything that came out from his mouth sound interesting. Every conversation he had with Hansol turned more interesting and by the time they spent and year together in that small apartment, Yuta learned a few Korean words and Hansol learned Japanese.

Then it was the small crush he got when he saw the one he liked. The way he yearned for Hansol’s touch made him think he was needy and that he had no right to feel that way towards someone, because happiness never lasted, because he wasn’t worthy of loving someone if he couldn’t fix himself. But when Hansol held him in his arms and sang him lullabies, Yuta felt at ease. The warmth of his embrace, the low timbre of his voice, the way his chest trembled under his back and the way Hansol held his hand all the while, made Yuta think that if he slept now he would wake up in a time where he had parents that loved him, in a time where his friends stopped dying every night and he was happy watching anime with Hansol in their small room.

He learned to get used to his embrace and by now, the only thing that made his fears and nightmares go away was Hansol’s embrace. Because in his embrace he felt like there was nothing to fear about anymore, that his dreams were just dreams and that reality faded away. Because the more time he spent with Hansol the more he felt like his heart was healing and maybe for once in his life he felt like someone actually cared for him enough to stay and not send him away.

Then he started to feel his stomach doing flips and turns whenever Hansol smiled, or laughed at something completely stupid. They were in the kitchen again, Yuta wiping the dishes Hansol washed. Yuta wore an oversized white shirt, a pair of grey trousers under it and fluffy matching rabbit slippers. Hansol wore the same pink rabbit slippers with a pair of black trousers and a red shirt that was pretty much sprinkled because of the sink. They made ramen again, because Hansol liked it, but this time they made it together. Yuta learned that Hansol ate pretty much everything as long as it was him who cooked it.

“Have you heard about the new movie that’s gonna come out this month?” Hansol questioned as he washed another plate and passed it to Yuta. Yuta hummed in response and he already knew what movie Hansol was referring to.

“Don’t make plans that day.” Hansol said, matter-of-factly, and Yuta watched as his big eyes turned to crescents, his face growing a smile.

“Pizza or McDonalds?” Yuta questioned and it was already such a familiar question because they always had to eat something unhealthy while watching a movie or during their usual marathon time.

“You...” Hansol whispered but Yuta thought he heard it wrong, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat. Yuta was still trying to get used with the feeling of no longer having to pretend. Somewhere along the way, after being under the same roof with a pushy Hansol that wanted to be with Yuta every time he got him alone, Yuta learned that the boy was rather clingy and he couldn’t help but smile at his foolishness. Hansol made him smile just remembering a simple thing, like holding hands while watching movies at the cinema, or saying his food was the best food in the world and that he would die if he wouldn’t eat it one day.

“What?” Yuta questioned, trying to stop his drumming heart. He ignored completely the whisper, he didn’t want to acknowledge it and he hoped Hansol wouldn’t repeat it louder, because then it would be real. And Yuta was not ready to take that chance, he was still unstable.

“Your cooking.” Hansol said, blushing, “Cook something, I don’t want to eat so much junk food.”

Yuta felt his heart clenching, he didn’t know why. He was still the same with the others. Smiling when he thought he had to do it, laughing when he thought it was fit and then going away before the talk started to get serious. He heard Doyoung talking with Taeil once. He had his earphones on and he tried to ignore it, but when he heard his name in the conversation he tried to listen. There was something in the tone of it that made Yuta believe what Doyoung was saying but it was scary and crazy at the same time. The same words repeated in his head ever since and sometimes he would think about them.

_‘Do you think Yuta has his memories back too?’_ and _‘If he does then why hasn’t he said anything?’_

Yuta was rather confused to say so. What memories? He wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but he didn’t want to question that either. He was afraid of the answer again, so when these thoughts came roaring in his head he would pick himself up and go to Hansol. They would watch cracks all night long. Hansol liked to cuddle and hold Yuta as close to his body as possible and Yuta would lie if he was to say that he didn’t love the way Hansol laughed until tears got out of the corners of his eyes, until his gold bangs were covering his eyes and he had to move it. He loved the sound of his laughter so much that whenever he fell asleep he thought of it, because each time his dreams stopped.

 

When Yuta was twenty one, he finally learned what the warmth of Hansol meant to him. The butterflies from his belly were no longer a confusion and the way Hansol smiled all the while giving him happiness was no longer up for question. The question of what made Hansol different from the others got its answer too. Hansol was able to take away his nightmares, or what he learned to call them when he finally understood what they were, his memories.

He overheard Ten and Doyoung, and ever since then it all made sense. Crazy as it sounded it never made more sense than in that moment. If Yuta felt out of place before, he was sure of it now. He liked to joke about it, bitterly, with Hansol.

“Let’s say, for instance,” Yuta began when they were laying in his bed, tucked under the blankets, Hansol rubbing circles on his back. “If I were to be born in another time, somewhere far behind, around year 500,” he said as he searched for Hansol’s eyes to lock them with his, “and if one day I was to meet someone who told me I had to go back there and leave this time behind,” Hansol stopped drawing circles and held his breath at those words, his eyes shaking for a bit, “would you be lonely?”

“No,” Hansol said, closing his eyes and dragging Yuta closer to his body, “Because I would go back in time with you.”

 

When he was twenty two and with a best friend, Yuta finally learned how to label things correctly. The first thing he labeled was the only thing he wished he wouldn’t have had to. Hansol got a scholarship, he was going to move back to Korea. Yuta stopped breathing altogether.

“How long?” Yuta asked, feeling the air from his lungs going away.

“2 years.” Hansol replied, not even daring to make eye contact.

Yuta felt like laughing. He knew it was too good to be true, there had to be a downhill again. Ever since he started to be friends with Hansol it only went up and up and upper. Yuta would lie if he were to say he didn’t see this coming. Hansol was smart, he deserved that scholarship and Yuta knew fully well he had no say in this, but he still felt like everything that they had until now would crumble to ashes and even with everyone else around he would still be lonely.

“It’s gonna be fine,” Hansol said as he saw Yuta scrunching his face and blinking rather fast, “I will call you, I will sing you to sleep, we can do video calls on skype.”

“Yeah,” Yuta replied, finally raising his head and giving him the most genuine smile he had. It was so beautiful that Hansol heard his heart breaking.

“You smiled,” Hansol said as he closed the distance between them and embraced Yuta. “I have never seen something so –“he began but stopped because there was sniffling sounds coming from his chest area.

“I’ll wait,” Yuta sobbed out. “So hurry up.”

“When I get back,” Hansol started, rubbing circles on Yuta’s back again so he would stop crying. “I want you to show me only your smiling face. I want you to show me that you are strong without me close.”

“I get it already,” Yuta said in the same accent Hansol used in Korean, chuckling at himself, and Hansol seriously started to think again about leaving him. Maybe he should have said no, maybe he should have waited for Yuta to get one too and they could leave together. “So stop being so cool.”

“I’m always cool.” Hansol replied before Yuta could even have time to finish his sentence. “I’m the coolest guy you’ll ever meet.”

“Well that’s too bad, I think Sasuke is cooler.” Yuta said finally getting his mind back and trying to raise his head he looked at Hansol and smiling bitterly he went on, “But then again, you were always like Naruto.”

“Then you can be my Sasuke.” Hansol said in a heartbeat and regretted it the moment he said it. It hurt, to look at Yuta and see the begging in his gaze, the way his pupils shook even if he was struggling so hard to smile and tell him it’s ok, that he will be fine without him, when in fact Hansol wasn’t sure if he was going to be fine without Yuta.

“I’ll be whatever you want.” Yuta said and he didn’t know where these things came from but he was sure of one thing now. He wanted to go with him, he wanted to leave everything behind, his king, his friends, his duty towards Taeyong and he wanted to leave them all behind, all of it for Hansol. “Just stay a little longer.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Hansol said hearing his own voice breaking, “You know I don’t want to go, but it’s a great opportunity for me.”

“I know.” Yuta said and with his last breath before the tears started to fall on his cheeks again for the second time, he went on, “I’ll miss you.”

“I know.” Hansol said and brining Yuta back towards his embrace he kissed the top of his head, “I am going to miss you too.”

 

The day Hansol stepped out of the apartment and Yuta heard the door close in front of him he finally labeled the only thing that mattered to him in that moment correctly. _Heartbreak._

 

⚜⚜⚜

The October air started to finally feel like it was settling and yet it felt more like it was December. The wind was ice cold, the rain felt like ice cubes fell from the sky and even if today was his birthday the weather looked like an apocalypse was coming rather than a celebration of someone’s birth day.

‘Camelot’ was reserved for today. There were colorful balloons hung at the corners, fruits ready to be eaten and a chocolate fountain right in the middle of the counter. The smell of food came from the kitchen and for once it was not made by Yuta, because today Yuta had the right to sleep in and come late for work. People that passed by could only see the ‘CLOSED’ sign hanging on the door. Today it was special, today they received permission to throw a birthday party. Yuta’s birthday party.

“Taeil, are you done with that cake?” Ten yelled from the door.

“In a minute,” Taeil yelled back. “A candle doesn’t want to listen and stick up.”

“Hurry up because he just parked his car!” Ten yelled even harder and Taeil rolled his eyes.

“God Taeyong stop looking at the mirror and hide already.” Johnny said coming from behind Taeyong and starling the silver haired boy. “Jaehyun loves you even with bed hair.”

“Shut up.” Taeyong said before he took another look at himself, nodded and went to hide somewhere in a corner, ready to pop out when it was the right time.

Jaehyun just laughed at their interaction and went to hide in the opposite corner of Taeyong and waited for the right time too. He looked around trying to spot the others but failed. Everyone hid themselves well. Ten hid under a table that had a table cloth over, Johnny and Taeil taking the counter and Doyoung waited with the cake behind the door in front of Taeyong. Mark and the little ones waited in the back, peeking through the kitchen door.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Jaehyun felt a pair of eyes on him as he waited. Searching the room they landed on Taeyong’s. They stopped talking about what happened that afternoon and decided to go shopping when they woke up after at night. They barely found something that fit Yuta’s style and bought it; they bought a pair of cherry shaped silver earrings. All the while buying a Polaroid camera. Jaehyun always wanted one but he never thought he would get to use one even if he owned it. The moment they bought it they had to try it out. The first two selfies they tried to take were a total failure and Jaehyun started to wonder why technology was so hard to use. But then they finally got the hang of it and managed to take a good photo.

Taeyong held the camera up high and Jaehyun went behind him, both of them flashing a smile. Taeyong pressed the button and the flash lit up their faces and then there was a developing sound coming from the topside of the camera, meaning that the photo was ready to take out. They shook it in the air and when the photo finally started to have color Jaehyun felt his heart smiling too. It was beautiful, they were happy, for once in his life he felt complete. A simple photo made him feel so happy that he didn’t know why these small things made him experience all these emotions.

Taeyong took it and shoved it in his wallet, claiming that he can take better care of it. When they got back home that night they felt a certain awkward atmosphere. Jaehyun felt that, and he didn’t like it for one bit. He knew it was his fault, maybe it was too soon to let Taeyong know, and maybe it was still early. A thousand years of not knowing felt like a long period, but to Taeyong it was just around twenty five; still early, Jaehyun thought.

“Let’s take a few more photos.” Jaehyun suggested when they were relaxing next to the fireplace. Limbs tangled together and Taeyong drawing circles on Jaehyun’s hips. Taeyong somehow started to be more loving after that afternoon, Jaehyun felt like he was clingier but maybe it was his imagination. There was always the problem of him overthinking and yet, he knew that this awkward atmosphere was because he had to slip that out, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and seal his magic problems inside.

Taeyong went to get the camera, came back and sat down next to Jaehyun.

“Sit in my lap,” he instructed and Jaehyun smiled a bit and did as he was told. Picking his heavy body from the floor he went to where Taeyong sat and softly sat down, smiling. Taeyong raised the camera in the air and with his free hand he circled Jaehyun’s waist and letting his head rest on the space between his shoulder and neck he closed his eyes, smiling against his shoulder, and pressed the button.

Then one picture after another they started changing their positions and the way they held the camera. Before they finished taking photos they realized they almost ran out of film. Jaehyun decided to turn around, circle his legs around Taeyong’s waist, turning towards him completely.

“Let me kiss you.” Jaehyun said and he didn’t know why he felt like he had to voice out his intention, but he did it anyway. He watched at Taeyong closed his eyes, raised a hand and placed it on his cheek and as Jaehyun went with the camera in the air he moved closer and closer.

“Please do it,” Taeyong said against his lips and before he could go on a pair of hot lips locked his and he could only hear the shutter going off and the developing of a photo. He thought it was over at that, but then he felt hands on his cheeks and he felt Jaehyun deepening the kiss. He let him, Taeyong would allow him anything.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun began as he broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Taeyong’s. “I’m sorry for what I said last night.”

“I don’t care about what you said last night,” Taeyong said as he pecked his lips, “No matter what you did, no matter what you do from here on,” he said as he grabbed his chin and made Jaehyun look at him, “I will _always_ love you. And I will never let someone kill you, I won’t kill you, I won’t punish you, I won’t do anything even as close as harming you. I won’t allow anyone to touch my love, not even a string of your hair.”

“Please,” Jaehyun begged but he didn’t know what he was begging for. Was it forgiveness for his past actions? Was it forgiveness for what he did in the past to keep himself alive all these years? Or was it a plea for Taeyong to never stop loving him.

“You are the only thing that matters to me. For you I am ready to do anything, if you want to throw me away do it, if you want to cut me do it, if you want to destroy me do it.” Taeyong said and he started to think he was insane but deep down he knew that he liked to be controlled and if there was someone who could put up with him for eternity he knew that was Jaehyun. He was ready to give his whole life to him; that’s how much he loved him.

“I won’t do that, I don’t even want to think about hurting you. If you are hurt I am hurt, if you cry, I cry.” Jaehyun said as he started to lean down and kiss him again, slowly and then devouringly. He wanted to remember the taste of his lips forever. He needed to remember this Taeyong.

“I don’t need anything else, only you.” Taeyong breathed against his lips again, “Because you’re my whole world, Jaehyun.”

“You’re going to kill me one day.” Jaehyun said and in that moment he didn’t realize what he was actually saying, because all he could think about was Taeyong’s lips against his, his body pressed close, his breathing in sync with his, their hearts beating as one.

 

There was something Jaehyun forgot, he kept missing the important picture here. There was a hint, there were clues, here and there, but he ignored them all. He wanted to ignore them, because he didn’t want to know the truth. Time was not playing this time, they played enough. It was time to end this game he casted so many years ago.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

The door opened slowly, Yuta peeking his head just a bit, but it was enough for them. Everyone came out from where they hid, Doyoung came out with the cake and almost slapped him in the face.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUTA!” everyone yelled from every corner they came out from. Yuta was taken aback a bit but then he gave them the most genuine smile he could and he went in completely, closing the door between him.

“Happy birthday man!” Johnny went there to hug him and wish him another happy birthday.

“Yeah, happy 24 years~” Ten came saying right after Johnny and ‘happy’ was not really how he liked to describe his 24 years of living in this time, but he wanted to be happy for them in this moment.

“Here, your present from us.” Johnny said as he gave him a small box, nicely wrapped in red. “We tried really hard,” he went on chuckling making even Yuta break a smile.

“Thank you!” Yuta replied, genuinely.

“This is from us,” Jaehyun came with Taeyong and gave him an even smaller silver box. “I hope you’ll like them.”

“I’m sure I will.” Yuta replied, taking it with both hands. “Thank you, my king,” he bowed towards Taeyong, “and Jaehyun.”

“Stop with the king thing already. I’m just Taeyong, your friend.” Taeyong said, feeling embarrassed somehow.

They all came to give their presents, and when Mark came Taeyong wanted to go away, to run, because he wasn’t ready. Jaehyun sensed that and quickly grabbed his hand, whispered that ‘it’s going to be okay’, so Taeyong stayed. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to forgive his baby brother, if he could ever move on, but he wanted to try, for Jaehyun. If Jaehyun wanted him to let go, he will.

When they were done with the hugging and congratulating and giving him his presents, they all went to take a seat, to give Yuta some time to breathe, but then the bell on the door jingled and before Doyoung could say that it’s closed today he was already inside. Yuta didn’t pay attention to who came, he figured it was just someone who didn’t read the sign but then the stranger spoke.

“Is this how you welcome me? My Osaka prince.”

Yuta turned around and while Jaehyun was pretty much confused, because he has never seen this man he looked at the others and noticed that they all smiled fondly and looking at Yuta he saw the boy shiver. The man was standing in the doorframe with his arms wide open, waiting for the space to be filled with someone. Black hair colored his hair, tight grey jeans embraced his legs and a black winter sweater covered his topside. In his hand there was a flower, a red rose, and in his closed fist there was something like a small white box, but he wasn’t sure.

Yuta saw him, standing there, with his open arms. He let the red box he just opened fall to the ground and in a flash he was in his arms, hugging him and sobbing hard. Jaehyun never saw the boy cry, but in that moment he felt like he finally understood. Maybe this was the person he was talking on the phone, maybe this was the one person Yuta looked so sad.

“I told you to smile.” He said, hugging Yuta so tight he felt the air from his lungs leave. He missed this so much that he wasn’t sure how he was actually standing on his two feet. “Give me the smile I want, my little rainbow.”

Yuta let his chest and with tears in his eyes he gave him the most loving smile he could. His teeth appearing completely, his eyes turning to crescents and his bangs splitting and showing a bit from his forehead.

“Hansol…” Yuta began but he didn’t know what to say, it was Hansol. Standing right in front of him, hugging him again, lighting the fire in his soul once more.

“I missed you too.” He said as he dragged him back in his arms and Yuta just kept on crying his heart out. He was so happy that he couldn’t even keep it in anymore. He was a sobbing mess and soon enough Hansol started crying too.

 

Jaehyun wanted to ask who he was, why he had no memory of him, why he hasn’t seen him anywhere before. But then when the look on Doyoung’s face suddenly turned grim and everyone else pretty much started to talk about something else and trying not to look at Hansol, Jaehyun put the pieces together.

Hansol was not from their time. He was not _reborn_. Yuta loved someone from this realm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Well, feel free to tell me what you think! Good or bad it doesn’t matter, I want to know. Thank you for reading and see you next update~!


	11. ACCEPTANCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: IM SO SORRY FOR UPTDATING AFTER 1 MONTH BUT UNIVERSITY LIFE IS KILLING ME! But I hope this was satisfying and not as rushed as it seemed to me. The Doyoung x Taeil part will come back in the next chapter. So don’t worry about that being too short.

Waking up every day knowing that there is no one there you can call ‘mom’, no one there you can call ‘dad’, was not even that bad, given the fact there was no place out there he could call ‘home’. There never was one, so the feeling was foreign to him. Doyoung was alone since he was born, no one wanted him, and everyone threw him away. Loneliness was an old friend, keeping him warm in the winter, reminding him of how no one will want him. How no one ever does. Because when you’re already fourteen and with no family that wants to take you in, chances are, you’re never going to have one either.

The cold nights of December were always there to keep him alive when he wanted to end it all. Doyoung always liked winter, loved to look at the snow falling from the sky, making even the most miserable of nights exquisite, even the coldness of the day warm, because when you only see white, the pureness of the world, small flakes sparkling in the distance, near you, you feel like maybe life is worth living. Silver and gold lights glittering in the night, innocent children playing outside, him looking from afar, when a little light ray fell upon the patch of snow at his window frame, maybe then he could see that this world is indeed beautiful.

At fifteen he finally found himself a part time job in a café, even if it was hard and they were a bit reticent to hire him, he somehow managed to get it. It wasn’t hard to go, the shifts were pretty much alright and he wasn’t really alone. Every shift had two workers, therefore, he managed to make some friends, but he still felt alone.

He felt a bit like home whenever he looked at the snow, something inside of him felt warm when he saw snow, made him calm. Maybe it was because even if snow always melted away, as soon as it touched the earth, and yet it never stopped falling, pilling itself up until the earth could no longer melt it. Doyoung saw the white blanket each time he woke up and each time he went to sleep, Doyoung loved the pureness of it because he thought for a moment that if the snow never gave up falling down on earth, even if it meant that it would melt each time, then he too can build up his hopes, dreaming of a time when he will have a home, when he will have a family.

The bell rang on the door, and a young boy came in, holding the door for a girl. Doyoung looked at them, and when they were closer to him he smiled and welcomed them in. Inviting them to take a place at a table, giving them the menus, and going back to his place at the counter. He observed the two, waiting for a sign to take their order. A boy not younger than him, with a girl that resembled him. Both had black hair, and when they smiled, laughing at something, Doyoung felt drawn to them, something made him want to go there and talk. For the first time he wanted to befriend someone out of his own will. Then the boy raised his head from the table to search for Doyoung and giving him a small nod he went there.

“May I take your order?” Doyoung said softly, taking out his 2 inches notebook and his pen.

“Ah, yes,” The girl said taking the menu in hand and checking her order once more, “One ‘Lady Gray’ and two forest berry pancakes.”

“And a ‘Jasmine Tea’ for me, with a pack of ‘liquorice allsorts’.” The boy said, not once breaking eye contact with Doyoung, watching closely every time the boy wrote something down.

“It will take about 5 to 7 minutes for the tea to be done, so I will bring you your sweets right away.” Doyoung said before smiling at them once more and turning around on his heel to make for the counter.

Doyoung came back in no less than a minute with their sweets and nicely placed the bowl of candy and the plate with the pancakes on the table before bowing a little and going back to his place to make the tea. He was picking up the powders, while the water was warming up, when the other worker from today suddenly said something, but he didn’t hear it.

“What did you do?” she said, repeating herself.

“Hmm?” Doyoung said turning around and placing the boxes with the powders down, “What do you mean?”

“The boy at table 7 keeps looking this way. Did you take his order wrong or something?” she asked further, laughing a bit at him.

“Maybe he is checking you out,” Doyoung said, trying to sound indifferent, when he was also sensing the eyes on him. The boy was literally glaring holes in him, and Doyoung felt like if he stared back he might see inside his soul.

“I’m pretty sure it’s you who’s he’s checking out.” She said smiling, before she went to another table to take another order.

While he waited for the tea to warm up together with the spices, Doyoung tried to look back at the boy who was facing him and seemed to be doing so ever since they got inside. Saying he was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Even if he was looking right back at him, the boy wouldn’t stop staring, he even smiled after a while and Doyoung felt even more drawn in. He wanted to go there, he wanted to ask him why he was staring but his experience said that he wouldn’t see the boy again anyway, so why should he bother?

He took the pancakes and the pack of ‘liquorice allsorts’ and placed them both in their respective plates, sprinkling forest berry syrup and taking a small bowl to pour out the sweets for the boy. Thinking a bit now, he also likes these types of sweets, even if he never got to eat them a lot, and he also liked ‘Jasmine Tea’ but all these might be just coincidences and he shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

“Here are your sweets,” Doyoung said as he went to their table and placed the plate in front of the girl and the bowl in front of the boy. “The tea will be ready soon.”

“Thank you,” the boy said softly, breaking eye contact for the first time since Doyoung sensed the stare on his back. “Doyoung.” He went on, and for a moment Doyoung thought he was hearing things, because this boy had no way of knowing who he was but then he remembered he was at work and he had a name tag on his right pocket next to his heart.

“You’re welcome.” Doyoung said, smiling just as he was thought he should smile before turning to go back to his place and check for the tea.

After the tea was done, he poured it into two identical cups and teapots, took a plate and placed the pots there. He raised them up and even when he turned his back to the boy, he was still sensing the eyes on him, and he was pretty sure they never left. He turned back and taking some napkins and teaspoons, he was headed for the table.

“Here you have your tea,” He said placing one teapot down, “One ‘Lady Gray’ for you,” he went on, placing the teapot in front of the girl, “and one ‘Jasmine Tea’ for you” he added, placing the last teapot in front of the boy. Then he continued to place the teaspoons and the napkins next to them. “Please enjoy.”

“Doyoung,” The boy said and Doyoung was starting to think this won’t be a onetime thing, but he still denied all the sings, “Can I get some more sugar? The one on the table won’t be enough.” 

“Sure thing, right away.” Doyoung replied, thinking that there was more than enough sugar on the table, but maybe the boy had a sweeter tooth that he expected.

Doyoung came back with the sugar, placed it down and let them talk, even if the more distance he put between him and the boy it only seemed to drag him back to that table. His eyes searched for him and even as he served other customers he would always make sure to check table number 7 and make sure he saw the boy. Sitting at the counter he could take a better look at him, his black locks fell on his forehead, when he smiled his eyes didn’t turn to crescents, they were open wide for him to see the glimmer in them, to see his happiness. From time to time, the girl would say something and make him laugh and Doyoung got lucky enough to be close and hear that, and for a moment there he didn’t know if it was the girl’s laugh he liked or the boy’s laugh that made him smile and feel warm inside.

After about three hours the boy finally beckoned for Doyoung to come and asked for their note. He came back with the receipt and left to let them place the money inside the small brown cover. Then as he was serving another table someone came from the back and touching his shoulder lightly said,

“Doyoung,” the boy spoke again and by now, Doyoung wanted him to keep saying his name because something about it made it sound better than anything. “Thank you for the tea, I’ll come back.”

“That’s what I do,” Doyoung said and only then he realized that the boy promised something and he almost missed it, “I’ll wait for you to come back, then.” Doyoung said before the boy could leave his side and for a moment there he didn’t know what those words really meant.

Saying that Doyoung waited every day for that door to open and the boy from two weeks ago to step in and order tea again would be an understatement. It was almost Christmas and his foster family threw him away, again. He wasn’t wanted again, and he didn’t know what he did wrong. Christmas closing in wasn’t going to help him either, because who would want something everyone threw away on Christmas? By now the only hope he had was to see the boy again, to hear his laugh and see his smile, just so that he could feel home again. He didn’t know when he began to long for his laugh, when his smile warmed him up inside, but he was pretty sure snow won’t be the only thing to remember him of the feeling of home. He longed for the boy to come in, to hear his name being said again by those lips, by that voice. He wanted to see those dark locks again, but the more he thought about it the worse it felt. ‘I’ll come back’ was a promise with no time reference, that ‘will’ didn’t mean any near future, it wasn’t anything certain, it was no assurance, it was a ‘will’ that might never happen.

Building up his hopes was something he liked to do and yet, now he felt like not even snow could build up more than him. He was hoping for the impossible, he was hoping for something he didn’t knew he needed but a small part of him wanted the new family he was placed under would finally be his last. He wanted this to be his last house to stay because he was tired of moving out, he was tired of meeting new families that promised they would treat him well and keep him when all they did was throw him away in the end. He was tired of fake people and false hope, he was tired of living, and he thought this would keep going and yet, when he looked at the snow, falling outside, smoothly and slowly, he would close his eyes and dream of a better day, a better week, a better life.

He dreamt of a life where he had a mother who loved him, a father whom he could go out camping, maybe a little brother to play with, help him with homework, have a dog or a cat to play with when he was alone at home, a dog to play out in the snow, like other kids use to do. That used to be his dream, but now that dream changes, little by little, his dreams focus on things he never imagined before. He dreams of a day where he sits in front of the fireplace, on a cold December night, with someone who makes him feel like home, someone he can hear laughing and make his day better, someone whose smile will melt all his worries away, someone with a certain black hair and no eye-smile. He dreamt of a week where he could go Christmas shopping and buy all the decorations and lights he liked, go back home and make that tree the prettiest he ever saw. He dreamt of a year were he would be living a normal life, with no house to move each day, the same family for the rest of his life.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” his co-worker asked, “You’re zooning out a lot lately.”

“No, nothing. It’s nothing.” Doyoung said, picking himself up and trying to make it look natural, when it couldn’t be more obvious.

“He will come back.” She said, and Doyoung almost flinched. “He’s going to come back.”

“You don’t know that.” Doyoung replied, giving her a bitter smile.

“I know you don’t like to let people to get to know you, and I know you don’t like to talk with others, but this I am sure of. He will come back.” She said giving him a small smile, something that should have assured him, but it only built up more hopes and he was starting to hope for things bigger than him.

“Yeah…” Doyoung said, because really he had no idea how to reply to that. He didn’t know when he started to be so obvious about his feelings. He used to know how to hide everything, how to lie to himself that a better time will come, he knew how to talk with people so they won’t come back asking for anything, but this time it was different. He was building up dreams, he wished for that boy to come walking in and make it that his hopes were not in vain, that he wasn’t alone in this.

She walked away with a small smile and another reassurance that he didn’t need. He should stop building his hopes, he should stop this, but he couldn’t. Or maybe deep down, he knew he shouldn’t.

Christmas came faster than he imagined, it was already 22nd of December. His shift would be finished soon, and yet, he was looking out the window, watching how once again the snow stopped falling, he wanted it to snow for Christmas, he wanted to be able to sit in his room and look out the window. He liked to observe how everyone was happy, how they all seemed to be enjoying this, how Christmas meant joy for everyone, how this celebration was for everyone to be happy, to spend it with their families, their loved ones. Christmas would come again, to remind him once more, that he was alone. Christmas might be something happy for most people, but not to him. Christmas didn’t mean joy, it was a reminder of how lonely he really was. 

He got up from his seat at the window to go and change, he was the last one today, he had to close the shop and leave, when all of a sudden, the bell on the door jingled and someone came in. Doyoung turned on his heel to tell them it was closed but as his eyes landed on dark silver grey hair, on a young man standing in the doorway, with his hands in his pockets of a black winter coat, his chin covered by his blue scarf. Doyoung’s eyes turned so big he thought they would pop out, he was ready to slap himself because he thought he was dreaming this. But he wasn’t, the boy was there, right in front of him, smiling at him with all his might.

“Doyoung –” the boy said but couldn’t finish his sentence because Doyoung was in front of him in an instant, taking him in his arms, circling them around his cold shoulders and with his right hand touching his grey locks, just to know this isn’t a dream.

“You came back.” Doyoung said and he still thought this was a dream, that he fell asleep next to the window. But it wasn’t, this was real, this was happening. The smiling boy was here in his arms, and he felt complete.

“If I knew you would welcome me like this I would have come faster.” The boy said, chuckling a bit, but returning the hug and welcoming his warmth, letting his freezing embrace mix with his warm one and make it feel like they finally did the right thing.

“Sorry.” Doyoung said once he broke the hug and finally regained some sense of himself. “I thought it was a dream.”

“I did say I will come back.” The boy replied, taking a step back so he could take off his scarf and unbutton his coat. “You thought I was lying?”

“No…” Doyoung replied to his question, but it was barely a whisper, maybe the boy didn’t even hear it. “Let’s get you seated first.” He went on, trying to change the subject, something to take his mind away from his thoughts.

The boy followed him to a table, somewhere in a corner, where Doyoung liked to stay, close to the window, allowing him see the snow from outside. He took off his coat and put down to the chair next to him, placing his scarf over it too. Doyoung couldn’t really get to do something more because he felt the same pair of eyes from three weeks ago on him again. This time he didn’t try to avoid them, turning his head and locking their stare.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Doyoung asked, once he came back with the ‘Jasmine Tea’ the boy ordered again. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“You remind me of someone,” the boy said, and taking the cup between his hands to warm himself up, he went on, “I saw you before, but I never came in, or I would pass by you on the street sometimes, but you never noticed me either.”

“Oh…” Doyoung said, as he asked for permission to sit down in front of him, and the boy nodded, “I’m sorry, but there are a lot of things that are giving me a hard time lately. I’m sorry for not noticing you.”

“Taeil,” the boy said, “That’s my name.”

“Taeil…” Doyoung repeated and the name somehow was familiar to him. “Nice to meet you.” Doyoung went on, giving him a smile, one that was a genuine one for once.

“Likewise.” Taeil said, and yet something made Doyoung feel like this friendship was going to be different. Something felt different and it wasn’t just the fact that Doyoung thought the boy’s smile could melt the winter away and make flowers bloom.

Doyoung brought himself the same tea flavor as Taeil, after all he liked that too. They sat in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, Doyoung felt at peace, and Taeil seemed to be enjoying himself also. They were both looking out the window. Somewhere along the way snow started to fall once more, and Doyoung began smiling as he stared at it, almost as if he was counting the snowflakes.

“It seems like you really like snow,” Taeil said, sipping from his tea.

“Yes, I think it’s beautiful.” Doyoung said not breaking eye contact with the outside view.

“I prefer spring, but I think I can reconsider.” Taeil said, a small smile creeping on his face and Doyoung almost missed the hint.

“Snowing makes me feel like home.” Doyoung said and he didn’t know why he was suddenly so open to a stranger, “It makes me calm.”

“Are you from somewhere up north?” Taeil questioned, but something told him it was something else, home wasn’t really a fixed place. The home he was talking about was no house or country.

“No,” Doyoung said, “I don’t know.” He went on and maybe this was the first time he realized it. He never knew where he was born, the only thing he remembers is the house he was staying with the other kids when he was like five or six years old.

“Hmm. So you don’t really know where you’re coming from?” Taeil asked and for a moment he started to think he was rude but then he saw the way Doyoung smiled at that and he regretted asking.

“I never had a home. I don’t have a family.” Doyoung replied to that and let his head turn back to the window, focusing on a snowflake that seemed to fall slower than the rest.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” Taeil said, placing the cup down and trying to take his hand in his he made Doyoung turn his head and smile at him, the same bitter smile he always had, the one that made people pity him when he wanted none.

“It’s okay. Maybe the family I’m getting this time will be my last.” Doyoung said, tightening the grip on Taeil’ hand. “Don’t be sorry, you didn’t know. You can ask. It’s not like it’s a secret.”

“When are you going to meet your new family?” Taeil asked, still holding his hand.

“Tomorrow,” Doyoung replied, laughing, but he didn’t know why. “I will ruin their Christmas.”

“I’m sure it won’t be like that.” Taeil said, and then with a smile he went on, “Let me tell you a secret. Our family is also in this program with foster kids, and we are going to get someone new tomorrow.”

“I hope you will get someone good,” Doyoung said, taking his hand away from Taeil’s grip. “Who knows, maybe they will be part of your family for real.”

“My parents said it’s a boy.” Taeil stated matter-of-factly, and Doyoung didn’t know what to expect by now, “They said they saw a picture and he has a slight shade of orange in his hair.”

“Wow, he better not be a delinquent.” Doyoung chuckled, “I used the have orange hair once.” Doyoung said, and completely missed the hint again. He was more attentive than this, he was never missing hints.

“I’m sure he’s not one.” Taeil said, almost too certain of his words, but Doyoung missed them, because he was now focused on his beating heart that seemed to pick up a pace, his hand that somehow wanted to touch the boy, and his eyes focused a bit too much on the said boy face.

They sat in silence for a while again, Taeil sipping on his tea, Doyoung stealing glances at him from across the table. It was nice, and yet the feeling of attraction didn’t seem to go away. Doyoung felt like he was being pulled towards him, with each touch of their fingers his whole body felt like it was electrified, sending shocks of warmth to his spine and feeling it with his entire being.

There was something off about this whole situation, but Taeil didn’t seem to sense what it was and neither did Doyoung. They just sat there, watching how snow fell outside, how lights danced along with the snowflakes and soon enough the carols played in the background. It wasn’t strange, or new, it was calm, and comfortable.

⚜⚜⚜

Feeling the life leaving the body of your loved one, waking up with the voice of that special someone asking for you to move on and stop this pain, to stop this madness and end it all. Hearing it in your head that you can join him and you will be reunited again in what these mundane individuals call ‘heaven’, sounded like a good idea at some point. Suddenly realizing you’re alone in this big world, with no one there you can call ‘friend’, with no one there you have to return to, made him only more aware of the fact that he was indeed, the last one surviving this war.

The rough years that followed only reminded him that he had no home to return to, no king to serve and love anymore. There was no one there to welcome him, to take him in his embrace and make all the bad thoughts go away. He wanted and obsessed over the idea of getting him back, of meeting him again, that nothing else mattered.

Jaehyun had to live everyday with the memory of his loved ones dying in front of him. He had to live through the days waiting, because he was too weak to end it, because he didn’t had the heart to join them and stop more people from getting hurt. He didn’t care about the souls of those he took, he didn’t care about how he managed to keep himself alive all these years. There was no going back now, because he did the unthinkable only to be able to see Taeyong again. He didn’t pay the price to his spell, the others did; will.

He was selfish, reckless; he was too young, too heartbroken and he thought that meant he was allowed to make mistakes like this, that he was allowed to be selfish just this time. He didn’t think it through and frankly he didn’t want to think about it either, because if he did it then, maybe now he wouldn’t be waking up, with Taeyong in his arms, soft breathing on his chest, silver locks gracefully sprawled over his shoulder, body pressed close to his and limbs tangled together under the warm blanket that shielded them from the world, made him think for a moment that what he did was worth it. Closing his eyes and kissing Taeyong in his sleep made him forget again, each and every time he was with Taeyong he forgot about his past, about his horrible actions. But for the guarantee that Taeyong would forgive them all he could go on another day.

But even like this, he knew it will end soon. His happiness won’t last, because nothing lasts in his world, because everything he ever had was limited, everything he had was taken away from him. Why would now be different? Why would he get a chance at happiness and get the right to keep it forever? Maybe if he told himself over and over again that he will get to grow old with Taeyong, that they can marry and keep Mark as their own, or maybe they could adopt someone else, someone that they can grow and love and be their baby forever. He kept thinking that he could have a family with Taeyong and that he will be happy with him until they are old grandpas in wheelchairs, that sleep together holding hands while watching a bleeding sunset; just like when they were young and beautiful. Maybe if he told himself enough he would wake up from this dream, but right now, he wanted it all to be true. He needed this dream to be true.

He finally saw the hints, it was about time to see what everything meant and it was about time to finally remember what he did. Jaehyun casted the spell, in order to keep himself alive, in order to be able to meet Taeyong, but as always, when you are given the wish you long for, there is no need for reading the warnings. He thought he cast a spell on himself, when in fact he casted a spell on the entire kingdom, with his own rashness he doomed everyone for eternity. There was a small corner on that book he found that allowed him to do this madness, there was a small warning he had read once and ignored forever, because he didn’t care as long as he got Taeyong.

_‘What is given, will expire. What is casted, will fade. What you take, must be put back. The time will rewind and it will be as it should. The past is the past and it must not interfere with those from the future.’_

“Tae,” Jaehyun said, snuggling Taeyong close, “I have to go to work.”

“Stay with me.” Taeyong replied, not really wanting to open his eyes, not really wanting Jaehyun to leave him in the coldness of the morning.

“I can’t, love, you know.” Jaehyun said trying to untangle himself from Taeyong’s grip. “I’ll be back by noon, you can sleep some more.” He added kissing his forehead and leaving the bed, covering Taeyong back and patting the cover with a smile.

It didn’t take more than five minutes for Taeyong and he was sound asleep again. Jaehyun loved this calmness, loved waking up almost every day with Taeyong in his arms, loved falling asleep while talking on the phone, because Taeyong had to go home too, loved waking up on days they had off, cooking breakfast together, snuggling over a warm cup of tea next to the fireplace. Talking about nothing at all, keeping each other warm. It was as if they were making up for the lost time they were apart, for the time where they had responsibilities bigger than them, for the time where Taeyong had a kingdom to rule and no time for love or heartbreak.

October went by in a flash, the browns, yellows and reds were replaced by blue, white and silver. Cold shower rains where full on blizzards that left you frozen in place, wind biting your skin and making it feel like the temperatures were below zero. Nights grew longer, days went by slowly and before they knew it Christmas was closing in on them.

They went on with their lives, Taeyong working at the café, everyone else pacing up with the time, catching up with Taeyong, sometimes reminiscing memories from the past. Hansol joined them too, it didn’t seem like he knew about them, or if he knew he denied it anyway, thinking probably it was just a game they were playing. But Jaehyun knew, deep down he knew, Hansol was afraid of losing Yuta, just like Yuta was afraid of losing him. Their stares lingered more, their touches more gentle, but Jaehyun had no time to think about Yuta or Hansol, had no time to worry over the fact that he was, in fact, running out of time. Yuta was wrong to fall in love with someone like Hansol, Yuta was wrong to love someone he shouldn’t have but Yuta wasn’t at fault for it, Jaehyun was. It wasn’t his fault for loving the boy, Jaehyun kept saying, it wasn’t his fault for loving someone. But Jaehyun wouldn’t admit his mistake either, because he was selfish, reckless, and stubborn. He refused to believe the truth.

He sensed something was wrong, he sensed that each time he was with Taeyong something seemed to fade away. He couldn’t remember certain moments in time, he would wake up in the middle of the night, having no memory of falling asleep, having no memory of where he was or how he got there. He was lucky these episodes happened when Taeyong wasn’t around, because frankly, he had no idea how to explain them. What was happening? Why was he losing it? Because you don’t play with your lifespan and end up winning.

“Are you okay?” someone said, moving their hands in front of Jaehyun at a fast pace. “You’re staring blankly into space.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Jaehyun said, turning towards the voice, it was Yuta. “It’s work, I’m more tired lately.”

Jaehyun was so much worse that last month. His magic was fading, his power was way too weak now that he couldn’t even move simple objects, let alone clean his house with magic. His body felt tired, he always wanted to sleep. Even Taeyong was worried by now, but as usual, he shoved it off, lied to himself it was just a cold, nothing more. But in fact Jaehyun knew all too well what this was, because it happened in the past, and it was coming back. Only that it was stronger now. Much more powerful and he knew this time he won’t find any way of cheating, because he finally ran out of options.

“Don’t overdo it.” Yuta said, sitting down next to him and flashing him one of his kind smiles. “We need our magician to keep us together.”

“What…?” Jaehyun said, his eyes big. There was no way Yuta knew, there was no way, because he was the only one aware that there was a warning. No one should be able to know about that, because when he casted the spell he was all alone. The temple was abandoned, the book was too dusted for someone to have used it before. When he casted the spell 900 years ago, they were all long dead, buried deep underground, their skeletons welcoming the dirt as a blanket to shield their dead bones from the world.

“Everyone pretty much saw the signs,” Yuta replied, looking around the café and spotting Hansol in a corner, talking with Johnny. He smiled almost sadly, “or more like, everyone waits for the time when you tell us.” Yuta said, letting his head fall down, his long strands of hair covering his eyes that seemed to be closed.

“What do you mean by signs?” Jaehyun asked, much more confused and yet, worry was all too present in his voice. “You shouldn’t be affected.”

“But we are.” Yuta replied, not raising his head, his smile fading away as he went on, “Doyoung has strange nosebleeds in the mornings. Ten almost fainted two days ago, and my nightmares came back.”

“I –” Jaehyun began but didn’t know what he wanted to say. He too had problems, but his were a lot worse than these. Nightmares were his friends that kept him alive when the winter was too strong, the nosebleeds stopped after the first hundred years of searching for Taeyong and forgetting that he had to sleep, and fainting was close behind in the next decade, because food was not something he was fond of when there was no one there to eat it with. But he managed to keep himself alive, and he managed to cheat time, because he did what he shouldn’t. Dark magic, magic that can take away someone’s life span and make it yours; soul eating magic.

“It’s not your fault,” Yuta said, sensing that Jaehyun wanted to apologize, sensing that glint of worry in his words, “No one is blaming you, because you gave us all the chance to be loved once more, to fall in love and find our own happiness.”

“I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun said, turning his head towards Yuta. He was scared, to look him in the eye, he was scared of admitting it, because he denied it for so long, he felt like it was real. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.” Yuta replied, placing a small hand on his knee to give him the reassurance he needed, but it wasn’t enough. Yuta’s hand wasn’t warm enough, it wasn’t the safety he needed.

“All I wanted was to see him again.” Jaehyun almost sobbed out, his eyes were gathering tears he didn’t know he wanted to let out. “All I wanted in this life was to have him in my life for eternity.”

“I know.” Yuta replied, taking him in a side hug, letting Jaehyun cry silently. “It’s okay, we are going to be okay.” He tried to assure him, but hearing Jaehyun whine while letting out more tears, Yuta felt his heart drop, because if Jaehyun was already so broken and shaken up, then what would they do?

Jaehyun cried and cried and when he finally stopped and raised his head from Yuta’s chest he was met with pairs of eyes, worried and tired. Everyone was allowed to know, everyone should know. It was time for Jaehyun to accept the truth he tried so hard to forget and hide.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun rasped out, his voice low and heavy, “I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you.” Taeyong said without blinking, taking his trembling hand and giving him a squeeze. “I forgive you for everything, so just stop apologizing.”

“Hansol, I –” Jaehyun tried to say looking at him but couldn’t form words again. He felt his eyes water again, he felt his body heavy, he was just so tired, he couldn’t even bring himself to tell them. Because he wasn’t the only one running out of time.

“How much?” Doyoung asked, locking eyes with Jaehyun, “How much time do we have left before the magic expires?”

“You don’t want to know.” Jaehyun said, a sad smile on his face. He didn’t want to know either, but he knew. “You really don’t want to know.”

“Jaehyun,” Taeil said this time, “How much time?”

“Four,” Jaehyun whispered, he was trembling by now. The only thing that kept him from breaking down was the fact that he knew Taeyong wouldn’t blame him. Was the certainty that even after all this suffering he inflicted, all those bad things he did, Taeyong will forgive him.

“Years?” Taeyong asked hopeful. Jaehyun wanted to cry, if only.

“Weeks.”

 

_'Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments and hopefully, I will see you soon in the next update!


	12. DISAPPEAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: FIRST OF ALL. I WANT TO APOLOGISE AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS BECAUSE THIS IS WAY TOO LATE AND I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT THIS MUCH FOR A NEW CHAPTER BUT UNIVERSITY ENDED MY LIFE HAHA  
> now back to reality. I decided to split the last two chapters in two because as I was writing this I realised it got a bit too long for me to be just 1 big chapter so I split it in two~ HAVE FUN READING~ <3

“Weeks?” Yuta asked, his voice almost shaking and yet not breaking. He looked at Hansol and a part of him broke. His heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces. Just when he got him back, just when they started to get back together. He was finally happy again. He needed more time, he couldn’t part with him. He needed Hansol in order to try and be happy.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said looking at them and as his hands shook and his body trembled. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know how to say it. He was sorry, he wanted to turn back time and give them all another chance to happiness. If he could change the past, he would.

“We don’t blame you.” Doyoung said and then the whole room fell silent.

“But I do.” Jaehyun added. He felt like all he did until now was rub salt on the wound, why did he actually did this for? Was it so he could meet Taeyong again? Was it so he could forgive himself for being late? Or was it just because he was selfish and couldn’t move on?

“A lot can happen in those four weeks.” Johnny said hopeful, “We can find a way, we can change this.” 

“There’s no way Johnny.” Jaehyun said looking at him and seeing everyone breaking apart slowly, he thought he should just stop talking, he was only making this worse. This wouldn’t have happened if he just accepted the fact that the one he loved died and he moved on with his life, like a normal human would do. But that’s the problem, he was no normal human, he had power, and he used it selfishly so he can fool himself one more time. “I’m sorry, I’ll just go.”

No one said anything to stop him, no one tried to stop him, because they didn’t know what to say. Taeyong was speechless, he didn’t know what to do, he wanted this to be a dream, but it wasn’t. Everyone hoped deep down that Jaehyun would break out laughing and tell them this was a joke, but he never did, he just picked himself up, kissed Taeyong chastely on his cheek and taking his coat he left the shop with his head down.

“What now?” Ten asked, looking at them all, and Hansol was pretty much perplexed and didn’t know what to think, he was at a loss too. “We won’t just let this go like this, there has to be something.”

“You said he was a sorcerer, right?” Taeyong spoke, and he was just as surprised to learn this, but he didn’t have time to ask for explanations or be angry with him for hiding it; he figured that if he found out then he would have snapped and argued but now wasn’t the time. “Maybe if we find the spell that he casted, we can find a way to turn this around and live.”

“How do we find that? We don’t even know where it is.” Ten replied.

“Or better, when he found it and casted the spell.” Johnny added.

“I can find out, he’ll talk to me.” Taeyong said, and he wasn’t sure he could do it either, but he was a king, he was their king, if he wasn’t able to save them then who would? “I’ll save you all, I’ll protect you all. No one is going to die.”

“We are in your care once more,” Doyoung said smiling bitterly, “We will follow you forever, because that’s what we pledged.”

“To follow the consuls to whatever wars they may be called, and neither desert the colours nor do anything else contrary to law. To follow what our king deems right, to protect those in need and show mercy for those who deserve it. To think with our hearts and always know, that we are all equal and no one is above the other. Around the table, we are all one.” Taeil added and they all tried to smile thinking back about this, but it didn’t work. They didn’t want to let go, they wanted to be together, just a bit more, just a bit more.

“I won’t let you die this time, I’ll do my job. I’ll protect us, like a king should.” Taeyong stated and suddenly they all started bowing and Hansol was the only one confused. He looked at Yuta and locking eyes, Yuta smiled and his eyes didn’t turn to crescents for once; it was bitter and sad, it was a goodbye smile. Hansol was in denial of what was happening, but he bowed too without question, he didn’t need to think, he didn’t want to think, because he believed this wasn’t goodbye.

 

 ⚜⚜⚜ 

 

The way home was paved with tears, meddled with snow and heavy footsteps that scrunched under the pavement. The cold wind biting his skin didn’t matter, his puffy eyes kept crying and his chapped blue lips felt lonely. Jaehyun wanted someone to hold him, to tell him that it’s alright, that four weeks wasn’t as bad as it seemed, that four weeks was enough and maybe, just maybe he can save them. Maybe he could save them with the price of his life, maybe if he tried to talk with Time, or maybe if some deity still existed in this world, it could take pity on his sappy story.

Jaehyun felt abandoned, he felt like the world came down crumbling and once more he yearned for that warmth to keep him sane, to save him once more, because now he could afford the luxury. His hands wanted to hold his hands, his skinny fingers tingled with the thought of touching his slick hair, his heart beat faster just thinking about his smile, his soul yearned for him again, and he thought of turning back and giving in; but he didn’t, he kept going, his tears kept flowing and by the time he started climbing the stairs his eyesight turned foggy, so he laughed.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Taeyong left the shop shortly after, bidding them goodbye and apologizing at the same time. He wanted to find Jaehyun, he really believed he can save them. If it was Jaehyun, he felt like he can talk him out of this, that they can find a way and in the end, they will all smile and it will be alright. But he still couldn’t stop thinking that what if Jaehyun was right and there was no way saving them, what if they really had four weeks left? What would he tell his parents? Mark would have to leave too, Taeyong would follow suit, they would have to leave their lives behind, but that wasn’t even the worst part. How can you tell your parents that you are in fact a king and that you shouldn’t have been here, that it was all because someone loved you so much they casted a spell to bring you back?

He felt something moving in his pocket and then he heard an all too familiar song playing. He fishes the phone from his jacket and looking at the screen he didn’t feel like taking the call. But he knew he would be mad if he didn’t answer so he swiped the screen and placing the phone to his ear he listened.

“Yes,” Taeyong said taking the call.

‘Where are you?’ the other end asked, and Taeyong just smiled. He liked to hear his voice, it calmed him down. It was always like this; his father would call and he would ask simple questions but the timber of his voice would make him relax and always calmed him down.

“I’m going to meet Jaehyun, he doesn’t feel well.” He replied. ‘Doesn’t feel well’ seemed like an understatement, but he wasn’t going to tell his father through a phone call what was wrong now. It didn’t seem right.  

‘Son…something is wrong.’ His father said, and Taeyong frowned. ‘There’s something wrong with your brother.’

“Dad, what do you mean?” he asked and by the sounds of it, this was not going to be good.

‘Mark is not feeling well, he came home and he broke down crying and then he started saying his chest hurts.’ He explained and Taeyong’s heart picked up a peace and he really thought he had more time, he needed more time.  ‘He won’t talk to us, he keeps calling for you, we don’t know what to do.’ And by now Taeyong was running the other way. He needed to see his baby brother, screw being angry at him, Mark was probably catching up with time like the others did.

“I’m on my way,” he replied fast, “Keep him safe until I get there.”

‘Okay, we’ll see you at home. Please hurry, I really don’t know what to do.” His dad said and he was starting to feel a lump in his throat. He didn’t know how it manifested with Mark, he didn’t know how it will be when time gets him, but he didn’t care, he can take it, but not his baby brother.

 

He ran as fast as he could, getting home faster than he expected and the only time he slowed down was when he opened the door to their house and stepped in. He silently got in, taking off his shoes and listening for some movement he heard voices coming from the living room. He went there without blinking and the moment he got in his heart shattered.

“Taeyong,” his father called him, but he didn’t say anything, he just kept looking at how his baby brother was lying on the couch, sleeping but not really. “He’s asleep now, he calmed down a bit.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong said and he didn’t know who he apologized to. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t know.”

“This isn’t your fault.” He tried to assure him but he knew better. This was completely his fault. If only he warned them before, if only he had told them sooner, but he believed this was all going to be fine, that he would get his happy end. When in fact, his life was a nuclear bomb waiting to explode.

“I have to tell you something.” Taeyong blurted out. He needed to come clean, it was now or later when it will only be worse. This was already bad enough, what can go wrong now? It’s not like coming clean would sped up his time, it wasn’t like his life would end if he told his parents the truth.

“Yunho, come here.” His father called and his other dad came and looking at him perplexed. Yunho came and hugging his husband he motioned for them to sit down. They all went a bit in the corner so they wouldn’t wake up Mark.

“I know this will sound crazy, but I’m telling you it’s real.” Taeyong began and his fathers looked at him and nodded, urging him to go on. “I know why Mark is like this. But first I need to tell you something else.”

“If you’re about to tell us you’re dating Jaehyun,” Yunho said, trying to calm his son, because Taeyong was so stressed about this that they thought he would break down. “We already know about that.”

“You do?” Taeyong asked rapidly, suddenly forgetting what he was about to say. “How? I didn’t tell you.”

“Son, you were at Jaehyun’s place more than home.” Yunho said and his father laughed then going on, “And let’s not forget the time Jaejoong found your phone lost on the couch and thought it was his so he unlocked it and your lock screen was just the cutest thing I saw.”

“…” Taeyong didn’t know what to say, he was suddenly shy and he tried to think what lock screen was it, because he had changed them a lot. Jaehyun was too cute and lately they keep taking photos together and he really hoped it wasn’t the one where they were lying in bed kissing. “Which one was it?”

“I think it was a photo you took on Christmas.” Yunho started and Taeyong flinched, “Uhm, with blue lighting around you two.” Taeyong closed his eyes and whined silently, “And, most importantly, you two kissing on the floor, while smiling.”  Taeyong just let his head down and his blush reached his ears and he couldn’t find words to explain or say something.

“We are glad, you found someone that makes you happy.” Jaejoong said then, looking fondly at him and searching for Yunho’s hand he grabbed it and with his finger he caressed the ring on his finger. “But we kind of want to meet him too.”

Taeyong didn’t get the chance to say something about that because a whine just got out from behind them and he forgot everything because that was Mark and he had to be there when he woke up. He ran and left his parents in the same spot without even thinking twice. Mark was wailing and whining in his sleep while he moved and seemed to have problems breathing. Taeyong wanted to help but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where it hurt, at first.

“Taeyong…” Mark said in his sleep and Taeyong just closed his eyes and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight.

“I’m here.” Taeyong said giving him another squeeze and watching him slowly open his eyes taking shaky breaths and skipping a few. “I’m right here, baby bro, I’m here.”

“What – GHAAAA!” Mark tried to say but couldn’t as a sharp pain just jolted through his chest and he screamed almost falling from the sofa if it wasn’t for Taeyong to catch him in his arms. Jaejoong and Yunho wanted to jump right in but they figured this wasn’t something they could help with. They felt there was something wrong with them for a while now. Not just wrong, different, they felt a certain strange vibe and they just trusted their sons that they will speak the truth sooner or later. But right now, it seemed that they had a complete opposite problem than what they thought was the problem.

“Shh, it’s going to be okay.” Taeyong tried to assure Mark as he took him from the sofa and into his arms, both of them lying on the floor, Mark cuddled up in Taeyong’s arms, like it was the safest place on this earth. “Taeyong is going to make it all better.”

Taeyong wasn’t able to do anything, he just sat there with Mark and patting his back he kept saying the same assuring words. He wanted to take all the pain, he wanted to take it away, if he could he would take it and inflict in on himself, but he didn’t have that power. He was just a king without a kingdom and his people, his friends, were dying and he couldn’t do anything. He was powerless in this world, he was just another face in the crowd, another human that walks the earth then dies and joins the circle of life.

“Why?” Mark managed to rasp out as the pain seemed to not be as excruciating as it was. He was breathing heavily, panting in Taeyong’s embrace and Taeyong could see the horror in his eyes. Mark was afraid, but Taeyong was even more terrified.

“It’s my fault.” Taeyong began and Mark was a bit perplexed but then in his confused and painful state he kind of understood where Taeyong was going. “Your memory of your past life is coming back, time is picking up with us.” Mark listened but couldn’t say anything, so he just urged his brother to go on, “I don’t know if you remember, I hope you won’t ever remember, but if you do then I don’t blame you anymore. I’m sorry for being a bad big brother and I’m sorry that I avoided you lately, but I forgive you. It’s not who you are anymore, that Mark is not you.”

“Taeyong –” Mark tried but he stopped instantly when he felt warm lips on the top of his head and a pair of arms hugging him tightly. He heard his brother letting out a sob and then hiccups soon followed, above him and the pain Mark was in in that moment was nothing compared to hearing Taeyong crying over him.

“I don’t care that you killed me and made Jaehyun go through years of loneliness and sadness. I don’t care that you are a brat and make my life hard every day, and I certainly don’t hate you for not telling me about Donghyuk.” Taeyong went on, and Mark wanted to stop him and tell him that it’s okay that it’s going to be okay because if Jaehyun was with them he could save them all, because Mark trusted Jaehyun.

“It’s okay.” He managed to say somehow but that didn’t assure Taeyong at all. Taeyong was a mess and soon their parents tried to step up and split them so Taeyong could calm down, but he wouldn’t bulge so they just had to leave them there on the floor with a crying Taeyong and a hurt Mark.

“I’ll make it stop, I’ll call Jaehyun. He can fix it.” Taeyong started blabbering and Mark just tried to smile through his newly added shocks of pain. “He will fix you, I know he can. It’s not too late. There’s still time, we have 4 weeks.”

“4 weeks?!” Jaejoong reacted to that and Taeyong flinched again. He was so focused on Mark that he forgot his parents where there watching them. “What do you mean 4 weeks? What is this Taeyong? We don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong said not really looking at them. “I’m sorry for what I am about to tell you, but this is all my fault.”

“Son…” Yunho said and Taeyong finally turned his head to look at them. His eyes threatened to let tears fall and yet he struggled to speak, he had to.

“You know that old legend? The Legend of King Taeyong?” he asked them and they both gave him a nod, “That’s me. I’m that king.” He said and they both looked at him questionably, but they didn’t get to ask anything because Taeyong went on. “I was born and lived in that time, I was the king Britain needed and then just as the legend follows I got married with my queen, my loyal servant was Jaehyun, my most loyal knight betrayed me and fled with my queen and my little brother right here was the one who ended my life.”

“Son, I think we should talk a bit about this.” Jaejoong wanted to say and Taeyong was ready for this reaction, they didn’t believe him but he wouldn’t stop.

“I died then, and I should have stayed that way, but Jaehyun couldn’t live with it. He couldn’t move on. Jaehyun was, and still is, the greatest sorcerer in this world, but he loved me so much that he couldn’t accept the fact that I was gone. He told us today that in order to see me again he had to cast a spell.” Taeyong went on, and even if the expressions on their faces didn’t change he wanted to keep going, because he had to tell them the truth even if it hurt. “He waited all this time, he stopped time for all of us just so he could meet me again and we can fall in love all over again.”

“Taeyong,” Yunho wanted to stop him but it was to no avail, Taeyong just talked and talked, tears streamed down his face again and he didn’t even look at his parents anymore, he was looking into empty space, not really focused as he kept talking and there was no stopping him until he was done with his story.

“He thought the spell would only affect us but the spell threw us all in this time and we had to live like this, but somehow there was a mistake and now Time is trying to take us all back. This is our mistake and now everyone is suffering because of it.” He went on but then stopped for a moment to look at Mark and he had to watch how his eyelids were heavy and he wanted to sleep but tried to stay awake. He kissed the top of his head again before he kept going, “Jaehyun told us we have 4 weeks until we are all going to be erased from existence.”

“Ok joke’s over.” Yunho said, laughing awkwardly. But he looked at Taeyong and he saw in his eyes, this was no joke. He saw a sincerity in his eyes like he never saw before and suddenly he was scared. His son was for real and their son just told them he was a king and he will be gone, forever, in 4 weeks’ time.

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong rasped out as he looked at his father and he didn’t know if he was sorry for being born only to be taken away from them or if he was sorry for loving someone too much that it led to this. “I’ll fix it. We can fix it. I’ll talk with Jaehyun and we will fix this mess.”

“Just,” Jaejoong said as he looked at his two boys and didn’t really know what to say. This was beyond them, they weren’t prepared for such a life when they adopted the boys. This was just too much for them to handle and they were at a loss. “Come back home to us.”

 

Home? What was actually home for them? Was it a building with four walls surrounding a room? Was it the house you return to everyday and your parents tell you ‘welcome home’? Was it where you lived your whole life and when you move out you miss that place? No. Not for them. For them it was different, it was more than this. Mark’s home was with Taeyong. Taeyong’s home was with Jaehyun. That was home, because that was where they felt the safest. In their arms was home, because in their arms you can build up your hopes, you can dream and feel like those dreams might come true, and in those loving arms you can see them become real.

Home was where they laid their hearts and right now, that home was crumbling.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Hansol looked around and seeing everyone with a grim expression on their faces he didn’t know if he should keep quiet or ask Yuta what was going on. He stared at Johnny and Ten pacing around the shop, not really doing anything important and he thought that maybe this is how they manifested their concern but then they met in the middle and finally Ten broke down.

He watched how Johnny caught him in his arms, how Ten started crying and then trembling he passed out and Johnny picked him up in his arms and took him away to the back. Hansol was worried, he was scared, more than ever in his life. His heart was beating like crazy and he suddenly needed Yuta to tell him it was okay, that this is not what it seems. When he came back from Korea this isn’t what he imagined it would be. The weeks that followed his return were bliss.

He got back with Yuta, they started living together again, and just the thought that Yuta still lived in that same old apartment as two years ago, made him smile a bit more every day. That was the place where he fell in love, that was the place with memories that helped him go through another day, and that was what he deemed as home.

“Are you alright?” Doyoung asked Hansol and he didn’t know how to form words. It was as if he was so scared of losing Yuta after what he heard that he couldn’t even speak anymore.

“What is happening?” Hansol managed to ask and he saw Doyoung flinch. Hansol closed his eyes and letting out a big sigh he opened them again and tried to go on, “I feel like I’m living in a fairy tale, and this fairy tale doesn’t look like it will have a happy ending.”

“It’s a bit complicated,” Doyoung said and frankly he wasn’t sure if it was his right to tell Hansol what was actually going on.

“I’ll explain.” Yuta came from behind and with a sad smile on his face he sat down next to Hansol and grabbing his hand he went on, “I’ll explain it. It’s time you learn the truth.”

Doyoung looked at them before he turned on his heel and left. The air in the room was heavy, suffocating, and it felt like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to stop, he wanted to go home, drink a cup of tea while looking out the window, but he didn’t have that luxury, not now.

“Remember that time,” Yuta began and looking straight at Hansol he tried to find words to make this easy for him, “When I asked you that if I were to have been born in another time, somewhere around year 500, and if one day I were to meet someone who would tell me I had to go back there and leave everything behind? Remember when I asked if you would be lonely without me?”

“Yeah,” Hansol said nodding and closing his eyes, trying to remember what he said then, he ended up dragging Yuta closer to his body, “I said I won’t get lonely, because I would go back in time with you.”

Yuta smiled, just thinking about it made his tummy flutter, “And you kissed the back of my neck and we fell asleep after.”

“So, what you’re trying to say,” Hansol began, searching for his answer in Yuta’s eyes, “Is that you were born around year 500 and that you have to go back and leave me behind? Is that it? Because I won’t allow it.”

“Hansol,” Yuta said trying to think of something to tell him that this wasn’t really his choice, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Hansol said and his voice cracked, “If you go back, if we only have four weeks left,” and his voice cracked again at that number, “then, if I can’t go back with you, I’ll keep you here. I’ll lock you up so you will have no way of disappearing, you’ll be with me, because there’s no way I will let you go.”

“I’m so sorry.” Yuta said and somewhere along the line, his heart started to skip beats and his eyes turned glassy, “It’s not enough to –”

“I’ll find a way, there has to be a way.” Hansol interrupted and he saw how hope started to build in Yuta’s eyes, “No one is going to separate us.”

Hansol took Yuta closer, hugging his frame and trying to rub circles on his back, trying to lie to them both that it was going to be alright. Kissing the top of his head, trying to assure himself that Yuta was real. He then separated them only so he could cup Yuta’s face and looking in his eyes, he wanted to lean down, he looked at those trembling lips and he wanted to lean down and make them stop.

Yuta looked at Hansol and locking eyes with him he knew, and he wanted it just as much, so he closed his eyes and a second later Hansol placed a chaste kiss over his lips, and Yuta stopped trembling altogether. After so many years, it finally happened.

 

At the age of twenty-four, Yuta learned how to label another thing. _Healing._

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Light fell down on the window frame, creeping in the room and illuminating just a small patch in a corner. The quiet room calmed him down and his slumber felt even more peaceful. His dark locks fell on the blanket that was folded and supported his head, his hand was softly placed on his abdomen and rose with every breath he took. There was music playing outside, and it was so faint he barely heard it, there was agitation and laughter that seemed to echo in the space between the walls. But he couldn’t figure if it was a dream or it was real. He stirred in his sleep, trying to wake up but his body was too tired to even try, he couldn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to stand up, he just wanted to sleep, so he just let it be. He heard a door being opened, someone shuffling something, probably taking off their clothes and shoes, he heard the floor cracking under someone’s feet as they crossed the room and then he felt a certain breeze of cold that filled the room before it mixed with the warmth of the fireplace that was burning in the room.

The other person moved and soon Jaehyun felt someone touching his hand, slowly taking it in his, trying to interlace their fingers and the warmth of the other’s hand was like fire, his fingertips started to tingle again and as he opened his eyes he was welcomed with a smiling Taeyong.

“Hey there babe,” he said and Jaehyun blinked a few times, only now noticing how red and puffy Taeyong’s eyes were. Jaehyun moved a bit so Taeyong could sit down next to him but Taeyong just took the remaining edge of the sofa and placing his head on the folded blanket he closed his eyes and embraced Jaehyun in his arms, his head trying to fit in the space between his shoulder and head.

“You’ve been crying.” Jaehyun said as he moved a bit more so they could somehow fit the small portion of the sofa while tangling their legs and embracing each other. Jaehyun slid down a bit so he could be on the same height with Taeyong before he locked eyes with him. “Why?”

Taeyong didn’t say anything, he couldn’t speak. He was too scared to voice it out, he was scared of losing Mark, but he was even more afraid of the thought that Jaehyun will disappear too. “Mark…” he managed to say before he felt Jaehyun taking his trembling body close and pressing it to his own, his head resting now on top of Taeyong’s. “He is worse than us all.”

“It’s going to be okay, we can fix this.” Jaehyun tried to assure Taeyong, but when he heard a sob breaking down and he felt something wet touch his collarbone, Jaehyun broke down too. “I will fix this.” He cried out but he had no idea how to do that.

They were dying, they were living on borrowed time and the deadline was near. Jaehyun didn’t know how to fix it, he thought so hard about it that his head started to hurt. He felt how his magic was disappearing and that wasn’t even the worst part.

“Please,” Taeyong said and Jaehyun looked at him and with his hand wiped away a tear from his cheek; Taeyong didn’t deserve to cry, he should never be sad, he only deserved happiness. “Save us.” 

Jaehyun didn’t know what to say so he just closed the space between them and caught Taeyong’s lips with his and locked them together. It was soft, and salty. Jaehyun deepened it and soon enough Taeyong’s body was under Jaehyun and the heat of the room became unbearable. Jaehyun felt his fingertips tingling again and this time there were no more sparks that could come out because there was no more magic that he couldn’t sustain.

“Hold me.” Taeyong managed to say between heated kisses and Jaehyun complied because he too needed someone to hold him. They found comfort in each other, they were safe in this apartment, and they were protected from the outside world that wanted to separate them, that threatened to take them away. This house was home, because in his house Taeyong was in Jaehyun’s arms.

Jaehyun kissed Taeyong’s lips once more, “I love you.” He said before he started pecking his jaw, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses on his face, wherever he could, because he was beautiful even with tears on his face, even with red puffy eyes and chapped lips. He trapped Taeyong between his legs and slowly began to undress his king. The moment a cloth was off a trail of kisses began to mark his soft skin and by the time Taeyong was naked under Jaehyun he was a whiny mess because never in his life was he treated with such care.

Jaehyun took off his clothes too, allowing Taeyong to see Jaehyun from down where he was. His white skin that embraced his flesh and bones, pearly white with small freckles of orange on his tummy, his ribs visible, because he lost so much weight lately that if Taeyong looked more he could probably see his beating heart. His arms were still a bit muscular but he lost most of his muscles, even so Taeyong didn’t care. To him Jaehyun was still as beautiful as the first time he saw him and his beauty only grows, making him fall in love more and more every day.

“Please,” Jaehyun said as he bent back down and took Taeyong’s body towards him and embraced it, placing a kiss above his heart, “never let me go.” And Taeyong’s heart skipped a beat at that. He felt how Jaehyun’s breath fawned over his chest and then he felt experimental touches here and there and it didn’t take long before Jaehyun started to touch him in all the right places.

His back arched away from the sofa when Jaehyun inserted his third finger and stretched him open, touching a certain spot that left Taeyong a moaning mess under him. He kept hitting that same spot until Taeyong couldn’t take it anymore and came all over their abdomens.

“I want you.” Taeyong said as he caught his breath and tried to find for Jaehyun’s member. It was rock hard and if he didn’t have already crimson bitten cheeks he could swear he was redder now. He wanted to make Jaehyun come too but he wanted them to become one again so he let go of his member after barely touching his top.

Jaehyun positioned himself and while kissing Taeyong he entered slowly, stretching him open and Taeyong only tightened some more around Jaehyun. He kept kissing Taeyong and stroked his member until Taeyong allowed him to move. It didn’t take long and Jaehyun began thrusting, leaving Taeyong a moaning mess again, filling the room with profanities and words that didn’t make much sense. Taeyong came for the second time and Jaehyun was close too, Taeyong tightening around him again.

“I’m close.” Jaehyun managed to say as he started to kiss Taeyong again, his kisses messy and open mouthed, trying to get some air between them as he kept thrusting harder and rougher until Taeyong felt like he wanted to break in two only so he could be put back together by Jaehyun’s beautiful hands. Jaehyun fell on Taeyong after coming and painting his insides white.

Heavy breathing filled the room and Jaehyun was even more drained now and he felt his eyelids heavy but he didn’t want to go to sleep, not now, not ever. He was so tired that he was tired of sleeping, he felt like if he went to sleep, one day he would never wake up again. He will fall asleep thinking that when morning comes he will see Taeyong’s smile, but instead he will fall into the existential void, and who knows maybe he will turn into ashes and the wind will take him far away, maybe the wind will take him up in the horizon until he reached the starts and became one of them.

Jaehyun rested his head on Taeyong’s chest and hearing his heart beating calmed him down so much that could almost hear his own heart beating in sync with his. His chest rose and fell, his hand played with his dark locks, his silk hair slipping through his fingers and as Jaehyun rose his head just enough to kiss the place above Taeyong’s heart once more, he felt like he wanted to cry again.  He didn’t want to let go, he wanted his magic back, he wanted to go back to that time where he had magic, he wanted to have magic again so he could use it and save them all; so, he could save Taeyong.

 

“So, you’re a sorcerer?” Taeyong broke the silence as they were spooned close, Jaehyun embracing Taeyong and facing each other. Hearing this Jaehyun’s eyes grew big and he was at a loss. “I couldn’t notice, all these years, and I didn’t know.”

“I can explain,” Jaehyun said, suddenly starting to panic but then Taeyong let out a small chuckle and his walls broke again, “Or not?”

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Taeyong said looking into his eyes and trying to find the blanket that was covering them he drew it up a bit more. “I was surprised at first and I was angry that you kept it from me, but if you were to tell me back then, it would have been hell on earth for me. But now, in this time, I don’t care, because this only makes you more special.”

“I’m not special.” Jaehyun replied, he wasn’t really, he was just another sorcerer that lived once and now was fading away, being just a memory of the one who he really used to be. “I’m just Jung Jaehyun, the person that loves you even when you’re not around, the person who loved you so much that doomed all his friends to a life they maybe didn’t want, only so I could fall in love with you again and be with you just a bit longer.”

“I want to spend the rest of my days with you.” Taeyong said slowly, making sure Jaehyun heard it and the moment he stepped inside Jaehyun’s house and saw him sleeping peacefully on the sofa he knew, he will never let go, he will do anything, everything, just so he could stay with him longer, just a bit more, a bit more. “4 weeks are not enough, I need more time.”

Jaehyun felt tears creeping at his eyes and it didn’t take much before he started crying. He was so weak he couldn’t even bring himself to hold them from falling. “I don’t want to disappear.”

Taeyong took him in his arms, he hugged his body close, he was the small spoon but with his head pressed close to his chest he could hear the heartbeat that was beating just a bit more slowly, his breathing that was uneven and his warm body that trembled as he broke down and cried.

“We will fix this.” Taeyong whispered softly as he pecked his chest right above his heart. Soft lips touched his skin and Jaehyun flinched again, sobbed more, because he didn’t know how to fix this, he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to save them, he wanted to go back, he wanted to turn back time.

“I don’t want to disappear.” Jaehyun sobbed again and Taeyong just held him close, because that’s all he could do.

 

⚜⚜⚜

 

Doyoung was restless. They were back home, in the confort of their room and yet, he was agitated and scared and he coulnd’t get himself to stay still. He felt like he lived a lie, like everything he had done until now was futile and this was all his punishment for what he did in the past. He knew this happiness he got now had to come to an end, but he didn’t think it would be this soon.

He needed more time, he didn’t love Taeil properly, he didn’t cherish him like he should. He was afraid of his love all this time, because how would he explain to his adoptive parents that he loved his brother? He couldn’t. It wasn’t normal, it wasn’t right and yet, in Camelot they weren’t related, in Camelot it was possible. But in Camelot he was dead, in Camelot he fell in love with his sister, their sister, and betryed the king. He was a traitor and a coward. He was supposed to be the loyal one and yet he wasn’t. He was so far from that.

“Please stop.” Taeil said, trying to make him sit. Taeil was no better, he feared the day they find a way to go back, because if they go back then he would cease to exist. Back in their time, he didn’t live long and if the odds where with him he woul get the chance to stay here, but he knew he wasn’t that lucky. There’s no guarantee that if they find a way to save themselves he would get to stay here with Doyoung. “You’re making me restless too.”

“I just,” Doyoung tried to say but he only let out a sigh and stopped midway. He didn’t know how to explain what he felt, he was perplexed and he started to blame himself. “I feel like this was all in vain.”

“Come here.” Taeil replied, raising his arm and bekoned for him to come where he was. If there was one thing Taeil knew how to do perfectly, was to make Doyoung better. Along the years he learned that the boy who seemed strong on the outside, was in fact a small child who needed some love. “Sit here.” He said as he patted his lap.

Doyoung looked at him, bit his lip and closing his eyes he complied. He knew where this was going, Taeil was going to confort him again, and Taeil always did it so he could forget. Taeil wasn’t just quiet and calm, he was goofy when he wanted, he was sweet if he wanted, but most of all, he loved Doyoung when he needed it. He took a few steps and stopping in front of Taeil he looked down, this was not supposed to happen from the start. They were not allowed to do this, but humans are slefish and they always want the unreachable. “Taeil...”

“It’s okay.” Taeil said with a smile, “It’s not like it’s the first time.” And taking Doyoung by the hand he dragged him down and making him sit in his lap he circled a hand behind his back for support and looking up he locked eyes with Doyoung.

He was beautiful like this, but then again, Doyoung has always been beautiful to him. His orange hair turned almost red now, the shade only turning darker and Taeil wondered why he liked this color. But when he looked at him, he couldn’t help but smile and remember of that time when he told him to be careful, because the brother he was supposed to get soon might be a deliquent. And yet, he got a brother he didn’t think he needed, he got someone who he thought was too good for him. He got someone that made him feel like he needed to be alive for this reason. When they kissed for the first time, Taeil knew that it was wrong, but he didn’t care. If Doyoung needed love, if Doyoung needed acceptance, then Taeil would give it. Because they all lived on borrowed time, but Taeil lived on no time at all. He was just lucky to be alive again.

“I’m scared.” Doyoung said as he closed his eyes and searched for Taeil’s hand and took it in his, holding them tight in his and let their hands rest between them. Doyoung opened his eyes again and was met with a soft smile and eyes looking lovingly at him. It was warm again, his chest clenched again and he felt how his worries slowly faded away. “I don’t want to –”

“I’m here.” Taeil said rapidly, cutting him midsentece, and Doyoung let go completely. In just a few seconds he was calm again, Taeil took away his worries with two words. Sometimes Doyoung was scared of the power Taeil had over him, Doyoung was scared of how pliant he was, how Taeil had the power to break him apart and then put the pieces back together. “I’m not leaving you, not in this time.”

“Our time is almost up.” Doyoung said and Taeil’s smile faded just a bit. He knew where this was going and he was not going to say goodbye. “My body is giving up.”

“A few nosebleeds doesn’t mean you’re going to die.” Taeil said trying to convince him, but he didn’t know if he was convincing himself or Doyoung. If someone was to go first it was probably him again. He didn’t want to tell them, to tell him, but Doyoung wasn’t the only one with nosebleeds. He had them since he was young, he just learned to cope with them, and lately he got them in the middle of the night, they wouln’t stop for hours and he wondered where did all that blood came from.  “You won’t die, you will be here with me for the rest of our days, until we grow old and we can laugh about this one day.”

“If I go,” Doyoung said as he let go of the hand that he held and suddenly his hopes started crashing one by one, “Then I want to go first,” he placed his hand on Taeil’s cheek and Taeil rested his head in his palm, “Because I can’t live without you.”

“No one is going first or last,” Taeil replied, suddenly scared too, “When you go, I go with you.” Taeil raised his hand and took the one that rested on his cheek and slowly dragging Doyoung down, he somehow managed to drag them both so they were now fully laid out on bed facing each other; he whispered against his lips, “Because you’re my world.”

“Kiss me.” Doyoung whispered back and closed his eyes, waiting, still holding his hand as he interlaced their fingers. Taeil raised his head up a bit and leaning forward he pushed his lips on his. Sparks seemed to lit the room and Doyoung felt flutters in his stomach, they tied knots and made him tremble under his touch. He yearned for it, he loved this, because like this he didn’t feel like he lived in a dream. He wanted to believe that this was his reality.

Doyoung deepened the kiss and pushed back, trying to make Taeil go backwards and reaching the wall he trapped Taeil and kissed him like this was the last time he will. He wanted the gurantee this wasn’t the last, he wanted to believe this was going to end well and they would be able to live on. But the more he wanted to live on the more it felt like he couldn’t.

 

 

“Let’s run away.” Doyoung said once they were tucked under the blankets and tried to sleep. They weren’t supposed to sleep together, his mother would think its weird that they slept together at this age, but they needed this. Anything so they were together.

“You know that’s not a solution.” Taeil said and frankly he thought about running away too, he just didn’t have the courage to voice it out. Running away seemed like an escape route but it won’t stop time from coming from them. Time finds you because time doesn’t exist anyway.

“I don’t think I want to know the date of my end now,” Doyoung said coming closer and hugging Taeil close he started thinking that if they did run away then who would notice that they were missing? They would be gone in 4 weeks anyway, why not make the most of it?

“There’s no date,” Taeil said raising his hand and putting it on the back of Doyoung he started patting slowly, “Because we won’t die.”

Taeil truly believed there’s still hope, he really thought that whatever God there was left would spare his broken soul and let him live. But Doyoung was on another line of thought. He believed down to the bone that he was not going to get spared, he will die and he will be forgotten, or for that fact, remembered as the one who fled with the queen.

“Let’s run away, for real.” Doyoung tried again and with a small bitter chukle he looked up and met with Taeil’s eyes half way. They were boring into his soul again and he felt how his skin turned to fire and his heartbeat was increasing. One look was all it took and he was mesmerized. “We can go to Italy, or Canada.” He went on and Taeil played along.

“Let’s go to Yellowknife in Canada. You’ll probably love it,” Taeil replied and went on, “Since you love snow so much probably Yellowknife would be perfect for you.” Taeil never asked why Doyoung loved snow, or why he looked rather sad while watching it, but sometimes he would smile while drinking his tea and while closing his eyes he hummed a melody that was so familiar to him. He loved to listen to it, it reminded him of his sister. It was a quiet lullaby that talked about the nothen king, something peacefull and yet sad.

“Yeah,” Doyoung said and he was slowly fading away to sleep. “I would love it.”

Taeil thuoght for a minute if he should ask or not, but he figured it was now or never. “Why do you love snow?” came out before he could go back and Doyoung opened his eyes that seemed to close earlier lately and looking at Taeil his eyes shook.

“Why do you ask?” Doyoung replied with another question, completely avoiding the answer. He didn’t know how to say it, it was a dumb reason, a sad one at that. But then again, Doyoung deserved it. “You never wanted to know before.”

“I want to know now,” Taeil replied, “I feel like it’s something I should know.” And he was right, at some degree. Doyoung needed to voice this out, he should talk with someone, but if Taeil was the right person to talk with or not didn’t matter, for Doyoung it was the most he could get.

“Uhm,” Doyoung didn’t know how to say it, so he looked at Taeil some more and wondered if this was okay, if he should lay out his heart or just let it be locked away where no one can touch it. “It’s dumb really,” he said finally, chukling bitterly.

“Please,” Taeil pleaded and kissed his forehead, urging him to tell him.

“The first time we really talked, we sat at the window seats,” Doyoung began and Taeil started to remember, “That night, the snow piled up high.” He went on, deviating from the subject before he went back on track, “I look at snow, falling down and as soon as it touches the earth it melts away, but it keeps coming down, until the whole patch is covered and there’s no warmth left to melt it. It gives me hope. When I looked at snow it made me think that maybe there’s hope for me too, that one day I will have a family, a _home._ ”

“You have now.” Taeil said without blinking and hugging him close resting his head on his as Doyoung listened to his breathing, “I’m your family.”

“No,” Doyoung said and that startled Taeil, but then the next thing he heard calmed him down and fell in love once more, “You’re my home.”

 

Home. What was home to them? Was is the house they came back everyday and their parents told them ‘welcome home’? Was is the house Doyoung always yearned for? Was it the house Taeil always had? No. Not for them. Home was more than this. Doyoung was home when Taeil smiled and looked at him, when the whole room shined with his beauty. Taeil was home when Doyoung slept soundly in his arms, when he was so tired with life he would just break down and needed someone to tell him that it’s okay to cry, that it will all go away and it was going to be fine.

Home was where they were together, and right now that home was going to be taken away from them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: SO, as I explained up there, I split this in two. I don't know for sure when the last part will be up because I'm having second thoughts about the ending. LIKE SHOULD THIS END HAPPY OR like i originally planned SAD? 
> 
> I'm sorry for the sadness, or if this is not satisfactory but I do hope on all the YUWIN that seems to rise (i want hansol to debut and end the hoeing really now) that the YUSOL is going to melt some hearts~ :) 
> 
> Also a little spoiler-type-of-question for some who would like to comment, any thoughts on who will disappear first? :> or if someone will? 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING! DO LEAVE COMMENTS BECAUSE I LOVE READING THEM! And see you next update which I hope will come soon~ <3 


	13. CHAPTER 13: EMPTY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: uhm... i don't know how to say this but does anyone remember me? haha. i did go awol for 2 years. i'm sorry for that. but I'm back now and I will try to post the last part as soon as possible. thank you for all the love you've showed to this story so far and i'll try to make the wait worth.

_‘DISAPPEAR [dɪsəˈpɪə]: cease to exist; or what they called it, erased from existence.’_

 

40.320

Morning came sooner than they wanted, the sun was blocked from entering their room. The curtains shut and soft breathing filled the air. Smell of bacon and eggs came from downstairs and reaching their noses made them stir in their sleep. The night seemed to pass too soon and too fast, they needed more time. The warmth of their bodies didn’t seem to suffice and when morning comes the cold will take their bones once more.

Taeil opened his eyes as he tried to move a little so his numb hand would get some circulation again. There was something off about this morning, and he was yet to figure what that was. He didn’t say anything and just looked next to him. Doyoung was sound asleep, apple-like bangs all over the place, covering most of his face. His lips slowly parted as he slept while breathing through them sometimes.

He looked at him and smiled, he was beautiful. His once orange hair with a small strand of blonde was dyed into a breath-taking fire-like colour that drew all eyes on him. Sometimes he thought about his original colour, a faded shade of brown, almost dark gold, but he thought that no matter the colour, his hair would always be beautiful to him.

Taeil smiled and wanting to go closer he tried to reach his cheek and place a chaste kiss on it. He raised his head a bit and suddenly there was cupper taste in his mouth and his head felt numb. He blinked once, then twice, shaking his head a bit, but the taste became stronger and soon enough it felt like he was eating coins. He knew what this was, and he didn’t know how to escape now without waking up Doyoung in the process.

He suddenly felt warmth creeping at the tip of his nose and he knew this was not something he could control. He tried to slide the hand out, he tried to move it so he wouldn’t notice the loss, but the moment he moved Doyoung opened his eyes and looking at him straight on his face turned grim and then a panicked expression took its place.

“YOU’RE BLEEDING!” Doyoung shouted and picked himself up in an instant and flipping Taeil he got a tissue from their desk and ran back while shoving the tissue in his face. “Why?!”

“It’s okay.” Taeil said chuckling as he fell down on the bed. Not really the right way to stop the bleeding but he knew he was not going to get out from this and he won’t hear the end of it if he told Doyoung this was something usual to him.

“Time is not fair with us.” Doyoung said now standing at the end of the bed looking at Taeil while grabbing the sheets tightly. “First me, now you.”

Taeil thought for a moment what to say but before he could utter a word there was a knock on the door and then it opened before they could say ‘come in’. A woman in her fifties came in and holding two cups in her hand she looked at her two boys and frowned.

“What is this agitation in the morning?” she asked before she took a look at Taeil and how he was holding a tissue to his nose and she sighed, “Taeil, did you take your meds for that?”

“He takes meds?” Doyoung said, eyes big as he was confused. It was the first time he heard about such a thing. Taeil had secrets Doyoung didn’t know about. Taeil wasn’t as open as the others but he thought that living with the boy over these years he would at least open up more. He would have thought that living with him he would’ve noticed nosebleeds over the years.

“He used to get these nosebleeds a lot when he was little.” Their mother said before she crossed the room and went there to take a look, “They became worse lately, though.”

“Mom,” Taeil said sensing the thick air that settled in the room and looking at Doyoung he saw betrayal. He saw this coming, honestly. He tried so hard to hide it but as usual, secrets are not going to be secrets for a lifetime, they are bound to come out at some point. This was his it seemed. “Give us a moment, we’ll be down soon for breakfast.”

She looked at Doyoung and noticing the confused expression on his face she said a silent “Oh,” before she nodded and turning on her heel she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Taeil heard the door click shut but choose to ignore it. Doyoung was confused, he felt deceived and he couldn’t even look his brother in the eye. He didn’t see this coming, not from him. Not from Taeil. Taeil was supposed to be perfect, he never lied, he always came forth when there was a problem and he never bottled things up when he was with him, so why did he keep this a secret? Why this of all things?

“Why?” Doyoung said after some time and Taeil thought about running. He wanted to answer, but he wasn’t ready to lie some more. More lies meant more betrayal. He didn’t want to tell Doyoung that he was dying for some time now and he was afraid he didn’t have four weeks left to live. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Taeil didn’t say a word, he just looked at Doyoung and tried to hold it in. He was scared to voice it out, it would become real, it wouldn’t be just a thought, it would be real and he didn’t want that. He was afraid of what reality could mean to him, because in this reality he was fading out, he was a flame that stopped burning long ago and now the ashes are fading too.

“How long?” Doyoung asked again and this time he looked at Taeil and the more he looked in those eyes he didn’t know what to expect. Taeil didn’t know the answer. He couldn’t pin down the exact moment when the nosebleeds started, he couldn’t pin down the moment his life started falling apart, because when he was with Doyoung his life felt like it was sticking back together.

“I –” Taeil managed to say but the words got stuck in his mouth, “I don’t know.” He didn’t really. It was as if one day he woke up and nosebleeds were a custom. His childhood was filled with memories that are slowly becoming dimmed, memories that are too mixed with his old life to know which is past and which is present. It was as if the more he lived the worse it became and then when he met _him_ it got better, because he could forget for a while. “They stopped for a while, after…” he stopped so he could put down the tissue he was holding and he came closer to Doyoung, that was sitting down on the floor, legs crossed and trying his best not to cry.

“After what?” Doyoung asked not even giving him time to pause, “What triggers them?”

“After you.” Taeil said finally raising his head and looking at Doyoung, he was afraid to touch him, afraid of himself, “After I met you, they stopped.” But that wasn’t all and he knew it. They stopped for a while, yes, but then he started falling. The more he was with Doyoung the more he felt like his world made sense and when the nosebleeds started again he was scared, he was frightened, because he felt like he was rewinding back to the start. He was afraid to tell someone about this, because he didn’t know what was happening. So, he tried to talk with his mother and the most he could get were pills to strengthen his blood vessels, but that didn’t help. “But then, _you became my world_.”

“Then,” Doyoung wanted to ask something but he was taken aback. He didn’t know how to reply to that and he didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say it back, he wanted to tell him that he needed Taeil as much as Taeil needed Doyoung, but he couldn’t bring himself to voice it out. Because the answer Taeil gave felt like if it wasn’t for him he wouldn’t get these nosebleeds now. “Is it because of me?”

“I’m dying.” Taeil replied instead of confirming what he wasn’t sure of either. “I’ve been dying for a while now.” And voicing that out for the first time triggered something inside of him. There was something about admitting that you are, ultimately, going to die and acknowledging the fact that you are dying.

“We all are.” Doyoung said not really getting the idea of what was Taeil saying. He was afraid of admitting it, because then that meant he would lose him sooner, Taeil would go before its time and he couldn’t cope with the idea of that. “In _four_ weeks’ time.”

“I’m sorry.” Taeil rasped out the reply and he really was, because he knew that if there was an order, then he was first. Like he left before, he was going again. Life was like this for him, like this before, taking him out of the story before it even began, like this now, taking him away from the life he always wanted. “I _can’t_ save myself, I _can’t_ save anyone.”

“It’s going to be –”

“Doyoung,” Taeil interrupted, trying to make him understand that he did not have four weeks left. He could feel it, there was something inside of him, he just knew, he didn’t have that much time left. “I don’t think I have four weeks left.”

“No.” Doyoung replied without blinking, “It’s enough that we are left with so little time, I’m not going to –” he couldn’t finish his sentence as a pair of lips stopped his trembling ones and suddenly tears started to fill his eyes and running down on his cheeks he broke down.

“It’s going to be okay.” Taeil said breaking the kiss, “You’re going to be okay.” He said, their foreheads together.

“Please,” Doyoung said trying not to sob, “You can’t.” and the more he thought about losing Taeil the more he trembled. He was scared he couldn’t do it without him. He was so scared of losing him, because the realisation that he would be left in a world without him was closer than ever and he didn’t want to go back to a cold winter with no one there to make it warm again. He didn’t want to come home to a room without Taeil smiling back at him while reading a book on the bed. He didn’t want to go to work without Taeil behind the counter eating fruits and looking at him. He didn’t want to sleep in a bed that didn’t have _them_ in it. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Taeil didn’t say anything, he looked at him shaking, breaking down, he wanted to kiss his worries away, he wanted to make it all better again, but he couldn’t and he knew there was no sugar-coating this, so he slowly took his hand in his and caressed his knuckles, trying to give him some assurance when in fact he was the one who needed it. Doyoung trembled, like a dog in the rain, he cried hard, like a new-born baby, and he hugged Taeil like this was his last day and there was no tomorrow. Doyoung broke down upon the realization that his due was closer and he would be the first one to go. He had to accept the fact that he would have to live the rest of his life without the one person who makes him feel like home.

 

A ringtone filled the space, Doyoung sobbing still audible in the room, Taeil softly crying with him, both of them detrimentally breaking down together. Someone’s phone rang on the nightstand and they almost didn’t answer it but then Doyoung picked himself up, trying to reach for it and seeing the ‘Taeyong’ flashing on the screen he looked at Taeil before he went back to where he was and showing him who calls he almost saw the worst coming.

They didn’t pick it up, the ringtone ended and looking at the phone he wondered if he should call back but then when he wanted to swipe the notification, the screen lit up again and a message popped up.

_‘Doyoung, be at the café in two hours. There’s something we have to talk about. It’s important so bring Taeil too.  – Taeyong & Jaehyun’ _

They looked at it for a bit, trying to understand at first why he signed the text like that, but then he should have figured that if four weeks was all they had left then Taeyong and Jaehyun would make the most of it and spend them together, because no one deserved to be together more than Jaehyun and Taeyong. No one deserved happiness more than them. 

Jaehyun who waited all this time for him, who cursed a kingdom for love, who regretted his choice, but deep down Doyoung knew, he didn’t regret any of this. If he would had been a sorcerer like him, if he would have had powers like him, he would do the same, no matter what the cost. Because meeting Taeil in this life was a blessing, and if magic would save him, if doing something bad would save him then he didn’t care if he got hurt as long as he could be with Taeil.

It was in that moment that he realized, he wanted to be like Jaehyun, he wanted to have magic, he wanted to have what Jaehyun has; he wanted to save them by cursing the whole kingdom, just so he could save one person. But that was selfish coming from them, because the others wanted to live too. Everyone wanted to stay just a bit more, just until their time is up and they are grey and old. 

 

 

They somehow changed and got dressed and forgot to eat breakfast, Taeil’s mom would probably scold them later but they were too distressed to eat; they were like robots and the only thing on their hard disk was _‘4 weeks, time is up’._

It was a short ride until the café. They took the car, Taeil deciding to drive; something to distract his attention, something that maybe won’t make it as bad as it seemed if he didn’t think about it. The car ride was filled with silence, and for the first time in forever, Doyoung felt that the silence was awkward. The air was thick and suffocating, and when their eyes would meet in the review mirror, they would look away the next second. They stopped at a red light and Doyoung looked at Taeil and for the first time in forever he was afraid to touch him, the urge to grab his hand, intertwine their fingers and while kissing his knuckles saying, ‘it’s okay’, was something he was anxious to do now.

Taeil looked at Doyoung, a faint smile on his face. He pulled the car into a parking lot and taking his hand in his, with fear in his eyes he felt the pang. He tried to search for something in Doyoung’s eyes but all he could see was the terrifying fear of losing it all.

Doyoung felt the shiver, he felt the coldness of his hand when he grabbed it and for a moment he thought of the worst. Something was wrong and he didn’t know what, he didn’t want to know what. The air suddenly felt weird and he wanted to say something but no words came out.

“Doyoung,” Taeil broke the silence as he stopped the engine and turned to him once more.

“It’s going to be okay.” Doyoung managed to say, but he could feel it was more than that. Taeil feared something but he couldn’t tell what. “No matter what Taeyong tells us, we will be okay.”

“I –” It wasn’t that easy to speak when Taeil felt the pang again. His stomach tied knots and he was scared, he wanted to stay a bit longer but he knew it wasn’t possible. It was finally over. “I have to go.”

“What? Where?” Doyoung asked, slightly confused.

“It’s time.” Taeil softly said, smiling bitterly. “I have to go, baby.”

“No –” Doyoung broke out. “You’re not leaving me.” He was starting to get hectic, he was losing it and he started to tremble. “I need you.”

“Doyoung, please,” Taeil said, pleading for something he didn’t know. He felt the pang again and the sensation of something dragging his soul out was stronger than before.

“I still need you.” Doyoung said but it was too late. Sparks started to appear in the small compartment of their car. “I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

“I don’t want to go.” Taeil replied, dragging Doyoung in a hug, but he couldn’t feel his arms anymore. It was too late. “I love you, don’t forget that.” He said before he kissed his lips, a final peck before he goes away forever. “You are loved.”

Sparks filled the space, glittering white and silver, making the picture seem almost fairy tale like. But it wasn’t, because this was not even close to it. Doyoung cried out, asking again and again for Taeil. His tears pooled at his eyes and fell down hard, staining his cheeks.

“ _Come back_ , I still need you.”

 

 

 

38.841

 

The pain never stopped, it seemed to grow more and more intense and Mark felt like dying each passing day. He couldn’t take it anymore. Everything hurt. Everything felt endless. Sometimes the pain would stop and he could get up from bed, those were the best days, because he felt a bit more like a human being than a dying one. Sometimes the pain wasn’t as bad and he could speak but in reality, it was horrible, it was too much to bear for such a young child. Feeling every day like a thousand knives pierce through your abdomen, feeling it like it’s real, like it’s happening before your eyes when it’s all in your head and frankly, Mark felt that if he died now that would be better than living.

But Taeyong promised salvation. His big brother promised to save him, to end this excruciating pain, so he will hold on; just a little bit more, he won’t go just yet.

“How are you lil’ one?” Taeyong said, one day. Mark couldn’t remember what day it was, he could hint it, but it hurt to think. The pain was so bad that some days felt like one, some days felt like they blended together and time stopped flowing, those days were the worst, and others felt like they passed too soon and he felt like his time was running out, too soon, too fast. He didn’t know how much he had left, he didn’t know how much time passed but he knew it was coming. The days he wasn’t completely out of it, the days when the pain wasn’t as bad, were the days he tried to find something that gave him happiness, but he soon realized – it was in _vain_. 

“It hurts.” Mark replied, not really trying to lie because he understood after a while how pointless that was right now. Taeyong knew how much it hurt, but there was nothing he could do. Taeyong tried to talk with Jaehyun, to talk him into casting a spell that would take Mark’s pain and inflict it on himself, but Jaehyun couldn’t do it. His magic was too weak, he was fading, he was a spark that was dimming and the more he tried to do magic the weaker he became.

Taeyong would pity him, Taeyong would look at him and feel like crying. But Mark stared back, with barely opened eyes, eyelids heavy because of the pain, glassy because of how bad it hurt, and yet, he didn’t know he needed it, he was almost like yearning for it; he wanted Taeyong to pity him. The only thing he didn’t realize was that he yearned the mercy and pity of _Time_ , to give him more days to live, to hold his end because he didn’t live a long life, he didn’t get to experience and live properly. He didn’t get to find love; he wanted to fall in love like the rest of them. 

“I want it to stop.” Mark rasped out, trying to sound somehow steady but failing. His voice hoarse and he felt like he didn’t speak in so long, this voice was unknown to him. “I just want this to end.”

“I know.” Taeyong said taking his hand and looking at his big brother he wanted to cry because he was hurting too, the pain in his eyes, the misery they held as he looked at him was crushing him, tearing him apart from inside. Growing up with him, seeing him grow into the boy standing in front of him made him forget the past; being with Mark in this lifetime gave him the forgiveness he deserved. He didn’t know if time was cruel when it made them brothers, he didn’t know if this was God’s plan, but he didn’t want to see his baby brother fade away like this.

Mark could see how sorry he was, he could see how he blamed himself for everything and that hurt more than his pain, because that wasn’t physical, that was hurting his soul, hurting him and tormenting him from inside. Sometimes Mark wanted to try and find someone to blame, he wanted to try and find someone to hate, but even if he wanted to hate Jaehyun for casting the spell and make him go through this pain, when he thought about it, he couldn’t hate him. Jaehyun gave him a new life, a better life, and for that he was more than thankful.  Even the thought of hating Taeyong crossed his mind at some point, but if he wanted to hate Taeyong, in the end, he hated himself. Taeyong wasn’t at fault with anything, he didn’t want to die, he was the one who killed him. The more he thought about it, the more he came to the same conclusion, if he hadn’t had killed Taeyong then, this madness wouldn’t have started and he would’ve never feel how it is to be loved. 

Young as he was, unexperienced as he was, he wasn’t blind. He wasn’t stupid. He knew. This was his fault and he had it coming. He was the villain from the very beginning, in this story he didn’t deserve a happy ending, because villains never get happy ends. It was the unwritten rule of every story, it was the big ‘not allowed’ that stood in front of their door when they tried to get out and be happy.

He closed his eyes, he let himself to be taken away by sleep, a deep slumber that sometimes took away his pain, a slumber so deep he never wanted to wake up again. As he slept, he dreamed of another world, another chance he couldn’t get, a reality where it was all better, better than this, better than it was. It was another universe, where he wasn’t a killer, where he didn’t have to cry out in pain every day, a world where he was just a young boy with passion for music. It was a world where everyone met again and they were singers, dancers, friends, they were a big family, the family he always wished to have – someone who loves you unconditionally, and you love them back just the same. In that world, he found love, and in that world, he was loved, by his members, by the _world_. In that world, he felt like he received more love than he deserved, more than he could deal with. He often dreamed of those fans that cheered for them and he felt a little bit happier, the happy moments he spent in the practice rooms with the others, how Donghyuck would joke around, how the older ones would scold them sometimes and they didn’t mind it that much. His dream found him on a stage, gazing at the crowd in front of him, and in his dreams, he realized that if he were to be reborn again, if he was given another chance then in that world he wanted to be.

He wished the dream would never end, because he was happy there. It wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t perfect, but at least in there he had Taeyong and Jaehyun to baby him, he had Johnny to ruffle his hair and tell him to smile even if it’s hard, he had Doyoung to give him warm hugs when it was too hard, he had Ten to play around with when the others were teasing him and he pretended to sulk, he had Taeil to smile at him and make him feel better, he had Yuta and Hansol to watch cartoons with, he had everyone and yet, if it wasn’t for Donghyuck, it wouldn’t click. In that universe Donghyuck was his happiness. When he smiled, when he laughed, Mark would laugh with him. No matter if it was dumb, foolish, not even funny, just seeing him laugh like his life depended on it made his heart flutter and he wanted to hear that laugh every day for the rest of his life.

A silver-like knife pierced his abdomen, a cold metal sliced through his flesh and he was woken up by the flashing image of blood flowing from his body, the image of his hands tainted with blood and the sound of a sword hitting the cold hard ground, his body following suit. The same feeling of life fading away, feeling how the pain was slowly leaving him lifeless.

“What time is it?” he asked, voice cracking, eyes closed, too tired to open them, but no one answered. He wanted to ask again, but he didn’t have any more power left. He thought, for a moment, if he really voiced that out or it was all in his head. He didn’t know if he was dreaming or if he was awake, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore, he didn’t know where he was most of the time.

His mind was a mess, his memories where so mixed up and shattered that he wasn’t sure which Taeyong he was talking with. Was it the king he hated so much, was it the brother whom he loved now? He wasn’t sure if he was in Camelot, down with flu after a hard day and no one came to heal him or if he was in 2017, dying because of his sins, dying because he was a fool in the past.

 

There wasn’t much left to think about. In the end, it came down with the same conclusion. Mark thought for a while, when it didn’t hurt that bad, and pondering over the same idea he came to the conclusion that he might not have four weeks left. He wondered if the pain would stop if he was to end it all, because he couldn’t take it anymore and if living meant going through life with this level of pain then he didn’t want to live anymore. He couldn’t go on anymore. It was too much, it hurt too bad and he didn’t want to see their eyes anymore. Filled with guilt and pity, eyes that would look at him and couldn’t help him.

He wanted to see the end of it all. He wanted to go back to a few years ago, he wanted to go back to the time when Jaehyun wasn’t here, to a time where he could still go to school and play around with his friends. He wanted to go back to a time where he didn’t know all of this and lived happily.

 

A certain pang hit him again, and this time it was worse than before. The excruciating pain from before didn’t even compare with how worse this was. The pang happened again and it was torturous by now. He didn’t even have strength left to hold the place where it hurt, but then again, he didn’t really know the exact location of where that was. It hurt, a lot, and it was worse than before, this time it was coming from all over his body and he just wanted to scream out loud for it to stop.

“Please,” was all that he could say and even that was more like a silent cry than a proper yell. He tried again but he couldn’t get any words out. He was suddenly scared, he was terrified of the thought that he was going to die for real now, but that wasn’t as bad, dying alone was.

“I’m here.” A voice came through suddenly and Mark didn’t know if it was real or if he was imagining the person there just so that he wouldn’t be alone. “I’m here baby brother.”

“Taeyong…” he tried to say but wasn’t sure if he said the whole name out loud or not. It hurt too much to think, it hurt too much to do anything, it hurt too much to even breathe. “Please.”

Taeyong looked at him and wanted to be Jaehyun from the past, he wanted to be a sorcerer so bad. This time Jaehyun was there too, but for the first time in a long time he felt hopeless. He wanted to do something he wanted to take away the pain, but his spells didn’t work and he wanted to make them work so bad.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun said as he looked at them, “I think I can do something.”

Taeyong looked at him for a moment and didn’t know what he was saying. There wasn’t anything left to be done, Jaehyun had no more magic left, so there was no spell that was saving them this time. But Jaehyun did have some left, it was just that he didn’t want to use that because it would take away something he didn’t want to give.

“There’s a way to take away his pain, but…” Jaehyun wondered if he should just do it without explaining it. Magic was easier to understand if you think of it like a life force. Magic was tied with the one using it, magic meant soul. Using magic while being unable to do so meant taking away a part of your soul, but in this case, Jaehyun had no more soul left, the little he had was what kept him going and without that he feared he wouldn’t be able to love Taeyong anymore. He needed his remaining soul in order to love someone but he needed to save that someone from seeing his brother dying in front of his eyes. “I don’t think I will make it if I do it.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Taeyong asked before Jaehyun could do anything they didn’t want. “What do you mean, you don’t know if you’re going to make it?” Taeyong suddenly started to sound worried, Mark was enough, he needn’t worry about him now too. “We’re not sacrificing each other so that we save others. I know you want to, I know you’re feeling guilty, but jeopardizing your life right now might mean the end for us, _for all of us_.”

“Taeyong…” Jaehyun tried to argue, “We can try. He’s hurting. I might be able to stop his pain for a while.”

“The cost of that doesn’t sound too good babe.” Taeyong pushed back, but it was as if he was talking with a rock. Jaehyun wanted to do it. He knew the risk, he knew he might lose the last bits of humanity he had left, but he felt that if he can save someone, if someone deserved to live, maybe that was Mark.

“I want to at least try.” Jaehyun said looking at Mark, seeing how badly it hurt and wishing just for a moment he didn’t cast the spell. He started to wonder, just what was all of this for. Was it worth it to save his love just so he can see all of his friends, all of his family, die again? Was it worth to be this selfish?

Jaehyun didn’t have much time to think and mop around because Mark suddenly started to shake and scream. It was now or never. Jaehyun raised his hands and looking at Taeyong, his eyes were pleading him not to, but he knew that deep down, Taeyong wanted to save his baby brother just as much.

_“Cum his verbis, Spiritus meus clara, carpe carpe animae et lumen. A manus ad sanitatem commodare auxilium: ita se refert ad salutem iterum.”_ He said it all while looking at Taeyong and wishing from the bottom of his heart that he will not lose his soul, he wasn’t even sure if he used the right spell. At this point even if he got his soul switched with Mark and all his pain fell upon him he was fine. He just needs to save him.

A bright light filled the room, Taeyong stood up and stepped away from Mark, covering his eyes and trying to find Jaehyun. Something was wrong, Jaehyun didn’t know what, but something was definitely wrong. Jaehyun closed his eyes, the light was blinding. There was fluttering sounds, the light was slightly more yellow than white and if he casted a soul switch spell it made no sense to have yellow lights in the room, it made no sense to have this light strength in here. He casted the spell so why could he still feel magic, why could he still feel the faint sensation of magic running through his veins. Something was wrong.

“Taeyong, this -”

“Shouldn’t happen?” Taeyong finished before Jaehyun got the chance to say it. “Jaehyun, what did you do?”

“I…” he began but, something was wrong because he was sure the spell wasn’t supposed to go like this. The spell had to switch their souls, this spell had the power to heal one’s soul at the expense of another. So why weren’t their souls changed?

“Did you say something wrong?” Taeyong couldn’t even see who he was talking with because it was too bright, he was just speaking towards the direction he thought Jaehyun was. The fluttering sound was even more clear and the more they listened the more it sounded like wings that were flapping around the room. Taeyong didn’t even know why he was suddenly doubting him. He just hoped it worked and that light wasn’t what he thought it was. The light brightened, they could hear sparking sounds too; something was wrong. Jaehyun started to put the pieces together before it hit him.

“Taeyong! Get away from Mark!” Jaehyun yelled trying to open his eyes just a bit, trying to see if he can find Taeyong, he had to be away from the light. The spell didn’t work. It was already too late. Mark was going to disappear, just like Taeil did. They were too late. Jaehyun approximated the time wrong. He was wrong again.

“What?” Taeyong couldn’t hear, there was a piercing sound next to Mark. The sparkling sound became too loud, the wings that fluttered made the whole scene too much for them to bear; it was deafening. “Jaehyun, what is going on?”

“He’s going to disappear. Taeyong step aside. He’s not like Taeil.” Jaehyun tried to yell as hard as he could, hoping Taeyong heard him. “Taeil was different, everyone is different. Mark is going to disappear.” His head started to feel dizzy, he searched for Taeyong but the moment he tried to take a step he fell to the ground with a pang. His vision went dark before he could even hit the ground.

Taeyong heard that and taking a step back he hit something and falling down with it he found Jaehyun lying on the floor.

“Jaehyun!” Taeyong tried to open his eyes, it was in vain. The light was too bright. “Woojae, wake up!” He yelled again but it didn’t work. He got him into his lap, trying to shelter him from the light.

From there on it all seemed like life went fast forward. Sparks filled the room, the white light started to fade slowly, the sparkling sound tamed down and the sounds of wings that were fluttering could finally be seen and they were met with the golden wings of yellow butterflies. And when Taeyong opened his eyes again he saw Mark standing in front of them, a hoard of butterflies surrounding them, flying in the room. It looked peaceful, in that state, surrounded by all those small flying golden wings, surrounded by white sparkles that seemed to fade away if you looked at them closely; it all felt surreal.

“Mark…?” Taeyong questioned carefully. “How?”

“For showing me that I can be happy, for giving me a life full of love, for being my brother and for loving me even after you knew who I really was…” Mark said, looking at Taeyong and Jaehyun, “thank you.”

His body was fading, just like the light. Taeyong could see the other side of the room just by looking at his baby brother. The butterflies that once surrounded his fragile body were slowly disappearing one by one and the sparks dimmed to the point where he could barely see what was going on. All that light, all those sounds, gone. It was too quiet, it was too peaceful; he was too restless. He didn’t know he was crying until he saw Mark frown at him.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Mark said, as if knowing what Taeyong wanted to hear. “Jaehyun saved me after all.”

“No, wait.” Taeyong wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say, no words came out. He didn’t know what was happening. Jaehyun wasn’t waking up, Mark was disappearing before his eyes and all he could do was cry and wish this was all a dream.

“We will meet again.” Mark said smiling brightly. “You two will find a way. Save the rest of us. I know you can save us, after all, you’re our King.” The more his smile grew the more his body disappeared, the more it all felt like they were living in a nightmare, and this dream he wished he lived in forever was crumbling so fast, so, so fast, it was breaking him to pieces. Taeyong couldn’t even see his legs anymore.

“I’ll see you soon,” Taeyong finally said something and seeing Mark smiling back at him only broke his heart more. “I’ll bring you home.”

“I’ll see you back _home_.”

 

It was ethereal, how the sparks that Mark’s body left in the room. The little glitter floating in the air, sprinkles of faded blue mixed with white, almost as if there was snow. The lingering sound of the butterflies dancing around his body, the golden that seemed peaceful and yet, as the light that was still fading slowly, the cold winter breeze that they felt seemed to linger more than anything. But to Taeyong, it felt like a heavy downpour. They keep losing their friends, they kept going before it was their time and he was starting to be afraid of when his time would come. What if he’s next? What if he was going to leave Jaehyun alone again? He doesn’t want to make Jaehyun go through all that pain again. He doesn’t want to leave him anymore. He just wants to be here, to stop time so he could forever stay by his side, so he could forever love him.

 

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

30.240

 

There was a certain calmness in the morning sun. The way it made the new day feel like this time it will pass slower, this time they won’t wake up and have to put another ‘x’ on their calendar. The calendar counted days they did not want to know of. Their remaining time was running short and the more they thought about it the worse it was. Hearing the news of Taeil’s passing at first was bad enough already, now they had to learn that Mark went too before their time. They shouldn’t be counting the days anyway. It only made them realize how little time they have left, and the more they thought about it the more they longed each other. He looked at the calendar that was on their night stand. The calendar had seven red x-es. In seven days they lost two people. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Jaehyun gave them four weeks so why were they taken away before its due.

If _Time_ gave them four weeks then why wouldn’t _Time_ keep its promise.

At this point, all they wanted was that their turn would come after those four weeks and not a minute sooner. The weight of time started to show, the weight that their life was detrimentally coming to its bitter end was starting to show to a point where they wished tomorrow never came because that meant less time together and less days till that unknown due date.

The grey sheets shielded the small body sleeping soundly underneath. The room was silent in their presence, their breathing slow, calm, as if they never wanted to wake up. And for a moment the boy thought that was better. Not waking up meant that they died together, meaning they won’t have to send or see one of them go away leaving the other behind. Not waking up meant that they didn’t have to go through the pain of living on without their other half.

The thought of ending it together before their due crossed their minds, because the more the time went by the more they realized that in the end if they weren’t together it would be meaningless. Just like before, just like now, in order to go on they needed each other.

The idea of getting married, of spending the rest of their lives together was slowly turning into dust. Eternity was out of question when you already know how much time you have left to live. And now, even that wasn’t so certain. Thinking about the past, they weren’t sure how or why Taeil and Mark went sooner, but they didn’t want to think about it, because if they did find out what the order was, they didn’t want to know their turn either. Not knowing how much you have left, not knowing when your turn comes might be better after all.

He looked down at the small boy that was still sleeping soundly on the other half of the bed. He smiled. Ten was still cute. Even with his hair covering his face like this, even with him curled up in a ball trying to shield himself from the light, he was still beautiful.

Johnny softly moved the bangs from his eyes, pushing them back so that he can see his face. The smile was still there, only that it was slowly turning bitter. He looked at him, sliding back under the sheets and softly taking him into his arms, so that his head can rest over his heart. He looked at his closed eyes, red, and puffy from all the crying, his beautiful lips now chapped and slightly purple instead of pink. Ten wasn’t feeling well. He was far from well.

Fainting was something that started happening daily. After hearing about Mark and Taeil, Johnny started to seriously panic. Ten couldn’t even get up, if he somehow managed to get to the bathroom he fell to the ground before he even made it back in the room. Let alone standing up, Ten couldn’t even be seen as a human being. He was so weak that he needed Johnny to be with him all day long. He was more like a doll, trying hard to look like a human.

It was crushing; the sole idea that your lover is fading before your eyes and it’s not even your fault. The idea that you can’t do anything to help them, because you don’t have magic, because you weren’t born to be special. You were just a simple human who was given a second chance to live and now that will soon expire. He wanted to blame someone, but he shouldn’t blame anyone. Blaming others won’t make Ten better. Finding someone to hate won’t give them more time.

 

“What if we all go based on how we died in the past?” Ten asked him, trying to understand what the order was, but Johnny didn’t want to know. “Or what if there’s a certain order? What if we go based on how much we want to live?”

“That’s absurd,” Johnny replied. “If it was about how much we want to live then Jaehyun should have been first, given, he casted the spell and started this _mess_.”

He didn’t mean that, he wasn’t really blaming Jaehyun, because without him he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to meet Ten, he wouldn’t have gotten the chance to love again. But, there was the bitter truth in those words. No matter how you try to mend the truth, no matter what lies you tell yourself, in the end, it was, solely Jaehyun’s fault.

“This mess allowed me to find you.” Ten replied looking at him, smiling softly, “If it weren’t for Jaehyun, we would still be dead and buried underground.”

There was a pause, suffocating and heavy. Johnny was at a loss. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He wanted so bad to save Ten, he wanted so bad to help him somehow but, in the end, no matter what he does will be futile, because Time will take him away, will take both of them away.

“Should we go for a walk today?” Johnny asked, trying to change the subject, anything just so that they don’t have to talk about this matter anymore. He couldn’t think about it anymore, he didn’t want to think about it anymore. “The weather seems nice after all.”

“You know I can’t.” Ten replied, and it wasn’t even bitter, or sad, it was the same phrase he said for the last few days. “I don’t want to be carried back home.”

Another pause, silence was just too much now. Ten didn’t meant for that to sound bad, he didn’t want to sound like he was going to die before his due too, but the more they tried to avoid the topic the worse it was. Johnny pondered for a moment, the same idea running through his head again. The pointless ‘what if’s and ‘maybe’s when in the end, he knew it was unavoidable.

“What if Jaehyun can fix you?” Johnny asked, suddenly going back to the subject. This was just depressing him altogether all over again.

“But he can’t.” Ten replied him. They already had this conversation. “He tried to fix Mark too. It didn’t work, remember?” It ended the same way then too.

“That’s because it was too late.” Johnny was building hopes, piling them up one above the other, trying not to make the wall too high, even if by now it was already unreachable, “It’s not too late for you.”

“How do you know?” Ten replied bitterly, this was tiring by now. The same pointless hope, the same talk all over again when in the end, it was all going to end just the same. A wall full of hope crumbling to the ground just like his body, just like his fragile soul. “I can’t even go to the bathroom, I can barely stand, let alone eat. “

“Ten...” Johnny said, taking Ten slowly in his arms, careful not to break him, not more than he was already.

“It’s not even about that anymore.” Ten started and by now he was way too edgy for the talk, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t act like this. The same talk, all over again. He was tired of thinking there might be hope, that his life won’t end in less than four weeks. But the more he fooled himself the worse it was. “I’m afraid to get up because I’m afraid to fall.”

Johnny looked at the fragile human in his arms, trembling and it was his fault. If he stopped talking about this matter, if he just stopped for a moment and thought about what he was saying before saying it. But he didn’t have that luxury. It seems like he never had it.

“I’m here to catch you when you fall.” He said kissing the top of his head, trying to hug him so he will stop trembling altogether. “There’s still time.”

Hearing that just made it worse. There was no such thing as time. There was no such thing anymore, because their time was ticking with fast-forward and soon there will be no time to even ask for more time.

“Jaehyun won’t be able to fix me. It’s futile to even try.” Ten seriously gave up by now. He didn’t want to give himself false hope that in the end will crumble anyway. He didn’t want to fool himself that he will live on together with Johnny forever. The more time went on, the more he accepted the fact that he is next. There’s no stopping that now.

“We can at least ask him.” Johnny replied faster than Ten could say no to this too.

It wasn’t a matter of who lives and who dies by now, it was a matter of Johnny saving Ten because he knew that once Ten goes away forever he won’t be able to go on. He won’t make it to his expiry date. Because no matter how much he wants to live, if Ten is not by his side, then he might as well join him in the afterlife.

In the end Johnny came to the ultimate conclusion that he wanted to spend eternity with him, be it living in this world, or dead in the afterlife. Maybe there was a way to at least go together. If that meant that no one was left behind, then Johnny would take it.

 

There was a time before all this mess, when they would wake up together, cuddled up in the warmth of each other’s bodies, kissing each other good morning. When Johnny would get up first, take a shower and go in the kitchen to make breakfast for two. He would fry some eggs, warm two cups of milk and peel some apples, all while Ten would get up with the blanket on his shoulders, come in the kitchen and shield Johnny from the back, hugging him and sharing the warmth once more.

Where they would put those eggs on a toast bread, and sitting down on the couch, Ten would eat still wrapped up in that blanket, refusing to go wash up, hair all messy, but giving Johnny that big wide smile he wanted to see everyday for the rest of his life.

Johnny would take Ten in his arms, he would keep him safe, closer to his chest, where Ten could feel his heartbeat against his back and hear the munching sounds of Johnny eating his toast. He would look up and meeting his eyes he would smile again before he would lean in and press his lips against his, a soft unsaid ‘I love you.’

They didn’t go to the café in a week. It was just too depressing. The weight of losing Taeil and seeing Doyoung wrecked to the point of giving up, the sorrow on Taeyong’s face when he told them Mark was gone too. They couldn’t help but wonder, what if those four weeks were just an approximate date, what if in the end, no one will get to the end because if they all die one by one, who will make it when the time is up. Where those four weeks even _real_?

 

The phone rang in the kitchen, Johnny decided to go and check but leaving Ten alone in the room just for a bit seemed to made him think if he really needed to pick that phone call. What would he do if it was Taeyong or Jaehyun, telling him that someone else disappeared too. A moment of thinking was all he needed because the phone stopped ringing and Ten’s phone started vibrating on the desk in their room.

“It’s probably Taeyong, checking up on us.” Ten said, looking towards Johnny, ignoring the phone call again. “Pick it up.”

He got off the bed and crossed the room, took the phone from the desk and it was as they expected Taeyong. The phone rang in his hand, and he didn’t know why but he was nervous to pick it up. What if it was bad news again. He couldn’t take it. They couldn’t afford another loss.

“Hello,” Johnny said and then he switched the phone to speaker.

‘Johnny, we need to discuss a plan to find a way to fix this. Is Ten awake?’ Taeyong said, rather calmly.

“Yes, we’re up. Come over.” Ten spoke from where he laid on the bed.

 

 

 

Magic.

Jaehyun still couldn’t do magic but he still wanted to try. Taeyong asked him to stop using it. They wanted to find a way that didn’t mean someone had to sacrifice their soul so that they can save others. They tried to look for ways to cast a spell, or at least, ways to trick time and buy more. They tried looking for books, tried the internet, anything, they needed something, just so that they can save them but at this point nothing worked. They needed more time but they also needed his magic. And right now, they were running low on both.

“Wasn’t Excalibur enchanted?” Doyoung asked when they all gathered at Ten’s apartment. Some sort of meetings they held now that the café was out of reach for _all_ of them, given Ten’s condition. They were surprised Doyoung even made it in the first place. “When you made the sword, didn’t you forge it with magic?”

“Can’t we use that to restore your powers somehow?” Johnny asked, suddenly showing an interest. “Maybe we can transfer its magic to you.”

“That’s a longshot.” Jaehyun said back, “Finding Excalibur is hard in the first place, let alone try to take its magic.” It never really crossed his mind before, but now that he actually thought about it that might buy them some time. “The sword is old, like, old as me old. Over 1400 years old, but even so, we need to at least find the sword if we want to use it.”

“But are we sure the sword still has magic?” Doyoung questioned. “I mean ok, we find the sword, but if the sword turns up to be a piece of rubbish and it can’t even be used then what do we do?”

“How do we find the sword?” Taeyong chipped in, not really wanting to think too much about this since time wasn’t exactly something they had to spare. “Where did you put the sword, after, you know…?”

“But what if it doesn’t work? Are we even sure the sword’s magic still made it through the years?” Johnny asked, half worried half giving up. With or without magic, it wasn’t sure they can actually fix anything anyway so will even finding the sword help with something?

“Even your magic is fading right now and you barely have any left,” Hansol finally spoke, “does an object’s magic stay that long? Does it linger for so many years?”

“It’s in the lake,” Jaehyun spoke, trying to remember the exact location where he threw the sword, “I gave it to Nimue for protection.” And as he spoke he realized something but didn’t get to finish his sentence as Yuta decided to cut him mid-sentence.

“But is Nimue even real? Magic is gone from all realms and unless you can use your magic to summon the fairies it won’t be of much help, would it?”

Jaehyun didn’t know if he should say this or not, but the more he thought about it the more he didn’t want to say it. Giving them hope wasn’t something he should do unless he was sure he was going to find the sword take it’s magic and manage to find a spell in time to cast it and bring everyone back or at least, save the ones who are left.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong said finally looking at him, “you told me that the sword – no more like, the scabbard was what was really important to Excalibur right? Whoever holds the scabbard in their hands shall never die of their wounds.”

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun began softly, “getting Excalibur out of the lake, the task itself is impossible.” Jaehyun stopped for a moment before he went on, “The sword is at the bottom of Avalon, the fairies are protecting the sword and Nimue, is still alive – if we can call her that.”

“If she’s alive why are your powers so weak?” Taeyong asked back, kind of sounding like the voice of reason for a second there, “She was the one who had powers that could probably equal yours, she helped into forging the very sword.”

“My magic isn’t fading because the magic in the world isn’t real anymore,” Jaehyun explained and he really didn’t want to say this right now but he felt the need to explain a bit more. “I was born out of the union of a nun, which is seen as an angel, and a demon. I’m – I’m not the sorcerer you all think I am.”

“What does that even mean?” Taeyong was starting to get confused, “Wasn’t your family just a normal family and they left you so you ended up at the castle?”

“Taeyong…” Jaehyun started to feel apologetic for some reason, but there was literally no one in this whole world who he told about his real origins and what he really was. “I am half angel, half demon. I posses both power and wisdom, I am a living contradiction. These powers I have, they normally aren’t used to do good. _Nothing_ about me is good.”

“Let’s just…” Taeyong started, biting his lip, “talk about this later when we’re back home and focus on the sword for now. Do you have any idea how to pull it out from the water? Does it respond to magic?”

“Can’t you like,” Doyoung began and doing some strange movement with his hands, “lift it up?”

In the midst of all this talk, they forgot for a moment that Ten stopped talking. Each one of them was so focused on finding a way to give Jaehyun back his magic that they forgot about it. Johnny decided to go sit down next to him on the couch as Jaehyun kept on explaining how to take Excalibur out of the lake. In the blurred conversations he managed to get the fact that he was carrying prophetic gifts, that his magic was, as they all knew, the greatest magic that ever existed and that he was supposed to live until the end of the world, but that even so, with all these powers, Excalibur wasn’t so simple to deal with so if his magic didn’t work someone would have to dive after the sword.

“Are you feeling a bit better?” Johnny asked Ten as they were listening to the others chat and try to find a way to fix this and find Excalibur. “Do you want to take a nap?”

“I’m ok.” Ten replied sheepishly, “I can still stay up, I’m not that sleepy.” But contrary to his words his eyelids were heavy, his breathing was slowing down and maybe he just wanted to sleep, but he fought it, because this time something was too heavy and his stomach did things he didn’t want to feel.

Johnny kissed his temple, taking him in his arms again, shielding him from the world, this world that wanted to take him away and separate them. “Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

The words were heavy on his heart, what if Ten wouldn’t wake up anymore, what if this was the last time he could sleep in Johnny’s arms and when tomorrow comes Johnny would wake up to an empty bed, with no one there next to him to smile and place a kiss on his lips before they both get up to start their day. His mind started playing tricks on him, he couldn’t focus on what they were talking anymore and his vision was suddenly getting foggy. Ten wanted to let go, give in. Ten wanted so bad to just let it all go and give in to sleep, his body felt so small and he feared that if Johnny were to move and leave him there he could break into small pieces of glass and shatter everywhere.

“Johnny,” Ten began, words barely coming out and suddenly the room was silent, Jaehyun felt something. His gut was telling him something was wrong with the atmosphere in this room.

“Yes?” Johnny replied turning him around a bit to look him in the eyes. Jaehyun’s uneasiness was growing more and more and he suddenly felt a chill run down his spine. Something was wrong and he didn’t know if he wanted to think about what it was.

Ten suddenly felt like his limbs were chilly, he was covered in a blanket and Johnny embraced him so he would stay warm, but this time he was too cold and he didn’t know what was wrong. He just felt like he should probably say something right now. There was something in his mind telling him to say goodbye, there was something deep down that made him think this would be the last time he was seeing them and his heart was suddenly heavy.

“Johnny,” Ten started again and his eyes slowly became glassy, it was coming and he knew it, “There’s something I want to tell you.” He knew he was selfish, because he should bid goodbye to everyone but in this moment right now, the only thought in his head was Johnny and he had to do it now before it was too late.

Jaehyun suddenly felt that sensation in his stomach, that sensation that told him to run away because something will happen again and he won’t make it out sane if he stays in this room. He suddenly felt the rush through his veins, a tingling sensation in his belly that he didn’t think meant anything good and it finally clicked. This uneasiness, this feeling that something is stuck in your neck and you can’t swallow or cough it out, he felt it before. He’s feeling it again, but this time stronger, because this time he knew what would happen when it happens.

No one said anything, they were all silent and paying attention to what Ten was going to say, but the atmosphere in the room turned grim, deep down they all felt like something was going to happen and deep down they all knew what was coming.

“Jaehyun, do something.” Johnny pleaded, he was slowly grasping the situation. Ten was almost looking like flour, his eyes couldn’t even focus on a still object and his body was too cold. Johnny couldn’t warm him up and he _always_ warmed him up. “Can you try to do something? _Please_. Anything.”

“Johnny, I –” Jaehyun couldn’t even bring himself to voice it out, because he knew what he was about to say, “You know this is out of my limits,” Jaehyun wanted to cry, he was once again powerless, “I can put him to sleep, so he won’t suffer, but I can’t stop what is happening.” He finally said and his heart dropped so low that he couldn’t catch it even if he tried. “I’m so sorry.”

“Could you please give us a moment?” Johnny asked then, almost crying because he just wanted a moment. A moment that held for a lifetime. Johnny didn’t want _a moment_ , Johnny wanted _eternity_ , for the time to stop and them to never part.

They all nodded and decided to leave the room. Taeyong knew he wouldn’t be able to see another death, and Jaehyun was already ready to cry, his eyes glossy and foggy, because of how powerless he was. He searched for Taeyong and taking his hand, he wanted to make sure he was still there next to him, he wanted to make sure he was still out of harm’s way. The great sorcerer he was and he couldn’t save one life. Just why did this world give him magic if he couldn’t use it?

Doyoung was already crying, the whole scene playing in front of his eyes reminded him just how much he missed Taeil. His nights were never the same and sleep was something he forgot how it felt like. The bed was a place he couldn’t sleep into anymore, because in there the memories of their hugs were still vivid, sitting down and trying to fall asleep just so that he can feel warm hands embrace his trembling frame, lips that would kiss his forehead ‘goodnight’, his lips that still couldn’t forget the memory of their kisses and the pillow that was too cold without him there to warm it up. Winter would be once again, cold and lonely, but maybe it was okay, because he didn’t have time until winter. He won’t make it to see the snow pile high again, to see how his dreams melt once the spring comes and the snowflakes change into droplets of water.

Maybe it was for the best, maybe like this they won’t have to see how life fades out of someone and the friend they once shared memories with is getting erased from existence. Maybe this was Johnny’s way of sparing them of the pain, taking it all on himself and trying to not break into a million pieces for everyone to see. This was but, his own way of telling them, he needs some time to protect his heart because he won’t make it otherwise.

 

 

“In this world,” Ten began and his breathing was so uneven he didn’t know if he could make it till the end, “meeting you was the best thing that could have happened to me. For the love I couldn’t give you in the past, the memories I couldn’t remember from our previous life, for the memories I can’t give you in the future,” Ten stopped to take a deep breath, that was already too shaky and too hard for his weak body, and as tears started to fall from his cheeks, he tried to keep going, but each word broke him and with each word he felt how his world was falling apart, “for the future we can’t spend together, I’m sorry.”

Johnny wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how to begin, he sensed it coming, something deep down told him that if he didn’t say it now he would regret it for the rest of his life, or what was left from it.

“Meeting you in this world,” he began as he closed his eyes to let the tears fall from his eyes staining his cheeks, he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t say it; the words were too heavy for his heart and he didn’t want to let go. “Falling in love with you, moving in together, waking up next to you,” he had to stop because he couldn’t do it. Johnny couldn’t say goodbye. Tears kept falling and his hands were too cold for him to hold them and the more he looked at Ten the more he was fading away and the more his heart broke to pieces, it was too much, it was too hard. “I was so lucky to be born in this world again, just so I could meet you and fall in love with you.”

He felt how Ten’s eyes were slowly closing and the tears streaming down his face just made his heart sink to the deepest pits of his soul. He couldn’t wipe his tears fast enough, he couldn’t kiss his lips and make it go away, he couldn’t make him stop crying because he couldn’t stop what was coming. Jaehyun couldn’t fix this, Taeyong wasn’t fast enough to save them, and he wasn’t enough to save his most precious person either. In the end, they were never good enough. Not even one of them was good enough.

“I love you so much,” Ten said as he found his way to take Johnny’s hand in his and interlacing their fingers together, “I love you so much it hurts me,” His lips trembled as he tried to speak, his voice so low Johnny could barely hear it, “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then don’t.” Johnny broke out, crying with Ten because he just couldn’t let go and he suddenly felt how Ten’s strength just dimmed some more because he was the only one still holding their hands together. Ten couldn’t feel his hands anymore. “Please, stay here with me.”

“I don’t want to disappear.” Ten said as his head fell to rest on Johnny’s chest and the beating of his heart suddenly didn’t calm him down anymore, because he knew that once he doesn’t hear it anymore he is already gone and Johnny would have to go on living without him, because he might not make it. There was a reason they were always together, there was a reason for all the clinginess. They needed each other in order to go on. They became more than dependent on each other and in the end, it would be what is going to kill both of them. Like two sides of the same coin, if you try to burn one, the other side will burn with it. 

Johnny just took his body into the tightest embrace he could, he was the only one that had the strength left to hold Ten together and the weaker Ten was the more Johnny cried. “I need you,” Johnny said between cries, “I can’t go on if you’re not here with me.”

“You have to live for us both,” Ten spoke, even more slowly than the last time, he couldn’t open his eyes anymore, but he knew how Johnny looked like when he cried, and he wasn’t ready to see that as his last goodbye. “Jaehyun will find a way, he will save you, he will save the rest of us and you will be able to live on.”

“But I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not in.” Johnny spoke and Ten’s heart broke even more than it already was. Johnny wasn’t the only one who couldn’t live in a world where the other wasn’t, Ten needed Johnny so much it was frightening. “Take me with you. Please don’t leave me alone in this world.”

The air in the room suddenly turned chilly and Johnny felt how Ten’s body was lighter in his embrace. The weight he used to feel once was lighter and lighter, and the more he hugged him the more he felt how there was nothing left to hug. As if they were one, he could feel the last pang Ten felt. Slowly and then all at once, the chilly room didn’t feel like anything anymore. Johnny saw how the small body in his arms was slowly turning, one by one, piece by piece into small black wings, flapping and struggling, one by one, turning into elegant silk black butterflies.

Ten was fading away and Johnny felt how he could fade away with him. Can’t he not go? Can’t he not move on? Can’t he just stay here with him? Can’t he just… _wait_? He couldn’t let go. He won’t let go. Johnny held Ten’s body and the more it disappeared the more he cried and hugged it tighter until there was nothing left to hug and he was holding the thin air that once surrounded them. The tears that fell from his cheeks were falling into empty space and the heartbeat he could once hear beating in sync with his was no longer there.

The light that followed the deafening sounds of the wings only reminded him of how beautiful he was when he was alive. Dark locks falling on his forehead, small frame embracing his body, how pretty he looked wearing his clothes which were probably three sizes bigger than his. His tears wouldn’t stop and before he knew it he wanted to go towards that light, he was taking a step and then another one and trying to catch the butterflies to put them back together. Maybe if he gets them one by one and tries to assemble them together, maybe he can put Ten back together and see that bright smile again. He had to watch himself fail as he couldn’t catch any. With each hand he extended, the butterflies as if mocking him, flew further away until they were too far for him to reach, until he could only look at them.

“Johnny!” He heard a voice and didn’t even realize the others were back in the room until it was too late and he was already on the floor sobbing. “It’s going to be fine. We will be alright.” The voice tried to reassure him, taking his shaking body into his arms, circling his broad shoulders and trying to make him feel even just a bit better.

“Please…” Johnny begged between sobs, “please, just…” He wanted Ten back, he couldn’t do it. It hurt so much, he didn’t even have the strength left to cry. It hurt to think, it hurt to cry, to feel, it just, hurt to feel anything at all. The reality that he is really gone for good didn’t sink in quite well yet, but he won’t be ready to accept that.

“I know.” The voice said and then he realized it was Doyoung. “I know how it feels, I _understand_.” And nothing hurt Doyoung more than those words right there. Doyoung understood his pain, he understood so well how it feels like to lose someone you love. The thought that Johnny now had to go through the same lonely nights, same sleepless night and empty bed sheets, just helped his memory relieve the same pain all over again.

 

The butterflies that were flying around them, the small sounds of flapping that are normally comforting and peaceful just didn’t represent that anymore. The fading white light that left them on the ground, darkening the world around them once again. The sunset that he once loved to watch from the couch, the orange painted sky that would find them sitting on the couch watching movies cuddled up in the safety of the blankets, in the room where they once shared everything, there was only the cold afternoon breeze, in the space where they once loved, in the same house where they once called it home, their home, could now only be heard soft sobbing, whimpers and wishes that will never be listened to, because there was no one up there that was listening to them.

When the butterflies finally found their way out, the light disappeared completely. The thin line he was standing before, the same small thin line that found him once again, the line between fighting and giving up, a line he was able to stand on so well before, was finally crossed. There was no point to fight anymore, because even if they were to save the others, what does that mean to _him_? Saving the others had no meaning for him anymore, because in the end, the meaning of his whole life, no, not the meaning, his _whole_ life, just faded in front of his eyes and nothing can bring him back now.

In the end, who will be there to save him again when it’s too late?

 

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

28.761

 

Time was being cruel, the reality they lived in was too cruel for them. Maybe this broken world didn’t want to see them go, maybe the world wasn’t that cruel to send them away like this, but the world they lived in wasn’t a world that wanted what’s best for them. The world they lived in was the cruelest reality they could have gotten and the world they lived in was taking everything away.

Jaehyun woke up in the embrace of Taeyong, his legs tangled with his, Taeyong keeping him close to his chest and somehow Jaehyun fit there perfectly. He could hear their hearts beating, he could hear his even breaths and he just decided to hug him tighter. He was afraid he would break, but he needed it, he needed something that assured him Taeyong was still in his arms, that Taeyong was still there, breathing, that he was still _alive_. It was warm, his embrace was always warm. No matter how many nights they slept together, it was warm, so warm it was too peaceful for him to take it. The calmness they felt when they were together, no words exchanged but they were still calm, the smallest actions would be enough to make them happy. Looking at each other, a small smile on his face, a touch of their shoulders, a small brush of hands, a pat on his back, a peck on his forehead, a small sentence promising that it will all be alright, it was all but love, a love that bloomed in a time that didn’t want them to keep it.

If Jaehyun could turn back time, he would send them back in Camelot. He couldn't live in a world that wanted to take everything away from him. He wasn't ready to face the cold reality again, he wasn't ready to doom a future they didn't have just because he was selfish again. He wanted the past back, he wanted everything he never had and everything he had now to go back to the way it was. He was ready to take that pain, he was okay with not being with Taeyong again, he was okay with staying away and wishing for his happiness because that meant they were alive. As long as they live, he could take it. If he had to wait again just so he could meet Taeyong in a world where they could be together, he would wait, he just, wanted them to be alive, till the end, because this was destroying him from inside and he couldn't live with the guilt anymore.

They lost Taeil, they lost Mark and now they lost Ten. It was all too much, time wasn’t fair and if he had to take a pick he was pretty sure he knew who was going to be next. He didn’t even have to think about it too much, it was clear as day. He didn’t want to voice it out, he didn’t want to take the chance but he already knew the order and he wished he was wrong, he wanted to be wrong. It was all clear the moment Ten _disappeared_. Time made sure to tell him the order, he just chose to ignore it because after all, what was that order to him when he got Taeyong right there in his arms. What was never voiced out was not real. As long as you don't spell it for the others to hear, as long as it's all in your head then it's not real.

Jaehyun decided to wake up Taeyong, he was already thinking things he shouldn’t be thinking about. He is going to save them, no matter what, he will find a way and save them all even if it meant sacrificing his last piece of soul, even if it meant not being able to wield magic again. If Taeyong was safe, if they were all safe, then it was all worth.

“Yong,” Jaehyun spoke softly, moving so he could touch his forehead and move a few bangs, “wake up.” But Taeyong wouldn’t move so he just stood there to admire him for bit. He was sleeping so soundly, if only he could wake up in a world where they didn’t live on a time limit, if only they would wake up one morning back in the castle, young and awkward because they slept together again and they were going to get scolded for it. “Taeyong, wake up.”

“Jae…” Taeyong mumbled and just decided to put Jaehyun back in its place and hug him tighter. It was funny how Jaehyun somehow ended up the small spoon each time, but if it was for Taeyong he was okay with not being the big spoon because falling asleep to his heartbeat was the best sleep and the beating of his heart was the only thing that kept him going.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Jaehyun asked, snuggling close, not really trying to wake up. It was the most peaceful pace. His embrace was safe. He was supposed to protect his king from the bad world, from all evils and yet he was always the one being protected. In his embrace the world didn't exist, it was just them, in his embrace no one could harm them.

“Jaehyun, why are you glowing?” Taeyong said, not really awake, but awake enough to see that the man in his arms was glowing a bright blue and it wasn't his usual glow, it wasn’t the normal orange mixed with yellow, it wasn’t the fiery red he was used to seeing when Jaehyun tried to see if he could at least use some of his magic for simple things like lift up a blanket or move a cup, he was literally emanating a blue blinding light and he didn’t know how to react. Was this a good sign?

Magic had a way of telling Jaehyun at the worst moments possible that he was fading away. He was a light that was soon going to be turned off for good and there will be no switch in the world to turn it back on.

“I'm not very sure.” Jaehyun said looking at his hands, now completely standing up on the bed, legs crossed one over the other, thinking what was happening to him, looking back and forth from his hands to Taeyong. It didn’t take him long to realize what this was because he saw this happening once before and he wasn’t ready to take it. It was too soon. Why now? “This shouldn't be happening… yet.”

“Yet?!” Taeyong questioned, starting to seriously panic. He was already up on his knees not knowing if he could touch Jaehyun or if it would burn him in doing so. He looked at his Jaehyun and there was no mistaking that Jaehyun wasn’t going to tell him good news after this event. He didn't want to think of the worst-case scenario, he wasn’t going to think about _anything_. Because this wasn't the morning he wakes up and has to accept that tomorrow he will wake up to an empty bed. This wasn't the day he calls his friends and tells them their only chance to survival is gone from the world. He will not say goodbye. “What do you mean, yet?!”

“Taeyong –”

“You're not…” He couldn't say it, if he said it, then it would be true. But he had to be sure, he didn't want to, he wasn't ready. “Jaehyun, please tell me you're not going to…”

“My magic,” Jaehyun began before Taeyong could get there, and the thought of saying it out loud could be worse than the fact that one of them died, because voicing this out meant that they will never find their way back home. “is gone.”

“What?” Taeyong said, not processing to well what was happening. This couldn't happen, not now, no, Jaehyun without magic meant no Excalibur, no Excalibur meant no magic which meant…

“I can't save you anymore.” Jaehyun said, a bit to calm for Taeyong to take. “I don’t think I’ll be able to wield magic anymore.”

That was not the answer Taeyong wanted to hear. The fact that maybe this was all a nightmare and he would wake up and Jaehyun would be sleeping in his arms, the fact that none of this happened and nothing is real crossed his mind but this was real, Jaehyun was going to lose his magic and he had no idea how to stop that.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun said, trying to take his hand, it didn’t burn, it won’t burn because his magic will never hurt Taeyong, his magic couldn’t hurt the one he loved the most. “Call the others, we need to find something to do fast before it’s too late.”

 

 

It took them roughly twenty minutes to arrive at Jaehyun’s house and each that entered had the same reaction, ‘why are you glowing?’. His bright blue wasn’t that strong either, just like him, the blue was fading too, the glow was still visible, but it was faint. Too faint. They weren’t told what was the problem, Taeyong called and in his panic, he just told them it was bad and that they needed to come fast, obviously none of them knew why Jaehyun glowing was a problem.

“We have a problem.” Jaehyun said, trying to keep his distance from the others, just in case. Just because it didn’t hurt Taeyong, he wasn’t sure the others were safe. At this point he couldn’t be sure of anything. Time was three steps ahead and he kept losing ground, he kept being played and getting confused more and more.

Doyoung was sitting down on their couch, his eyes red and puffy, dark circles too dark for them to go unnoticed, his face slimmer than it used to be, his cheeks almost turning to bone and skin. They knew it was bad, but they didn’t think it was this bad. Doyoung tried to reach out once, but backed away. He couldn’t talk about it, he didn’t want to think about it because that meant he had to think about him too. Talking about it was not an option for him because it hurt so much. He wanted to end it so many times but each time he would remember that Taeil wouldn’t want that. Taeil would want him to reach the end, Taeil would want him to live on. But it was so hard to live when the reason you’re alive was gone. He missed him so much he just wanted to see him so bad, just one more time, one more time, just once.

Johnny just took the armchair that was facing the window, looking outside, almost as if he was waiting for someone to come in, as if there was someone running outside, someone small, with dark hair and bright smile, someone who always looked up and waved at him, flashing a beautiful smile, the most beautiful smile he has seen in his life, that beautiful smile he saw for the last time. Johnny was looking like a corpse, his skin was too white for them to take in, his eyes couldn’t focus on a still object anymore and they never saw him so low before. He gave up, in the end, his empty place was too much for him, the hole Ten left in his heart was too big for anyone to fill. His hands trembled sometimes, flinching, almost as if he wanted to do something but he couldn’t move, his legs dragged him to Jaehyun’s apartment but his heart was not with them. He was wearing a pair of jeans that looked too dirty to be out with and the shirt he was wearing was clearly too small for his body and they all knew who it belonged to, the necklace that circled his neck was a bit too obvious, every time he moved the ring it held tingled a bit too loud.

“How bad is it exactly?” Yuta asked, he didn’t even take a seat, he let Hansol sit down first and then he just went behind him, a hand on his shoulder, Hansol taking it and holding it close. “And again, why are you glowing?”

Jaehyun went silent for a bit, he looked around and it was heartbreaking. _They_ were missing, it felt empty, the room wasn’t as full as it used to be and he just had to take a deep breath because he couldn’t take it, the room wasn’t lively anymore.  

“Jaehyun’s magic,” Taeyong began, coming in with some warm coffee cups and tea before sitting down next to Doyoung, taking his hand and smiling sadly. It hurt him to see them like this. He wanted to help but he wasn’t powerful enough. This world made him so powerless, so weak.

“I won’t be able to use magic anymore.” He blurted that out, closing his eyes shut, he didn’t want to see their reaction. He was already useless enough, he couldn’t take the blow this time. “This glow is the last magic I have, once I stop glowing my magic will be gone for good.”

“No…” Johnny finally said something, “You can’t.” He looked at them all and the moment Jaehyun opened his eyes and met with his, he realized how much the weight of those words were. He promised him that he will save Ten and he failed to do so, he promised him they would be alright and that they will find a way but now their only way was going to fade right before their eyes and Jaehyun was going to be powerless.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung looked at him and Jaehyun didn’t know if he wanted to hear the rest. He knew what was coming. Doyoung realized it at some point and his gaze was unmistakably what he wanted to avoid at all cost. “Tell us the price to restore it.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyong said perplexed. “What price?”

“He can get his magic back,” Doyoung said, eyes fixated on Jaehyun, “He can’t die, because he’s not human.” Statement which made them realize, made Jaehyun realize, Doyoung knew too much and that wasn’t going to help him keep the current head count. “He needs to pay a price if he wants to keep his magic going. And he paid that price somehow over and over again, until now.”

Jaehyun was too taken aback to speak. He couldn’t be sure how much Doyoung knew but this wasn’t going to help them at all and now he was the center of attention again. The room turned silent and before anyone could say anything Jaehyun just crossed the room leaving a trail of glitter in his way, and decided to sit on a chair that was facing them all, taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and decided it was better to let it all go.

“I need a soul.” Jaehyun said, his eyes suddenly turning teary, “The price to keep my magic is a soul. I need a human soul.” He couldn’t open his eyes again, the tears would fall, he couldn’t take another soul. “The souls I took before, they weren’t just simple souls, they were all Taeyong lookalikes.”

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong said and getting up he wanted to go to him but Jaehyun opened his eyes feeling his presence and with tears in his eyes he shook his head for him to stop and not come closer. “Please.”

“Stay away from me. I don’t want to hurt you.” Jaehyun finally cried, warm tears streaming down his face, because he couldn’t do it anymore. They weren’t just souls he took, they were the souls of those who looked like the one he swore to protect forever, the souls of the _he_ whom he loved. The burden he had to carry was heavier than they all could imagine. He gets to keep his magic forever as long as he sacrifices the one thing he cherishes the most, the soul of the person he loves the most. He could keep his magic forever if he could take that one soul he was fated to take. But he couldn’t.

“You can’t take just any soul,” Doyoung cut in, looking at Jaehyun, insinuating something he wasn’t ready to hear, he will never be ready to hear it. “A normal soul would do just this much, and his magic will run out, just like now.” He really knew too much and Jaehyun was bracing himself for what was coming. “If he wants to keep his magic forever he needs Taeyong.” And hearing that Jaehyun was reminded of the prophecy he tried so long to forget.

Doyoung knew too much, he knew things he wasn’t supposed to know, because Jaehyun made sure to not tell them to anyone, because he didn’t want them to know how ugly and rotten he was inside, he didn’t need the world to know that he was just as bad as they made their kind to be. Doyoung found out long ago what Jaehyun needed in order to keep his magic forever, he heard it by accident, he heard the fairies talk when he went to Avalon, trying to escape his guardian that was supposed to keep an eye out for him. He knew it since he was child, he just didn’t want to think Jaehyun was ever capable of doing it so he decided it was better to forget. Fairies couldn’t be trusted after all.

“I won’t do it.” Jaehyun said looking at Taeyong, “I can’t do it.”

“This is too much,” Yuta finally said something in this mess, the voice of reason maybe, since every time they met someone was either dead, dying or well, in this case, needed a soul to stay alive. “We need to come up with a solution today, we need to save ourselves because at this rate we will all fade away and I just can’t…” Yuta couldn’t voice it out either, no one could say it, the weight of the word was too much to take.

“We need his magic to take Excalibur out, even with a soul Jaehyun isn’t going to be powerful enough to save us.” Doyoung spoke again, “He needs his magic.”

“I won’t sacrifice him to save… us.” Jaehyun replied, sounding way too selfish. “I can’t take his soul.”

“Rich coming from someone who promised to save us but can’t even save himself.” Johnny finally snapped and it wasn’t pretty, he was lashing out on them.

“Johnny, don’t –”

“You said you could save us, you promised to save _him_ , but all you’ve done was watch us go one by one, all you’ve done with your great and mighty power was cast a big bloody spell that put us in this situation, and why?” Johnny was coming out with all he had and Jaehyun didn’t need to hear all that but it was all true, Johnny was only speaking the truth.

“I-m sor –”

“It was all because YOU COULDN’T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT TAEYONG WAS GONE!” Johnny yelled, almost punching Jaehyun, he was close enough but stopped because what if he burnt himself while touching him, what if Jaehyun hurt him.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun cried out, “I’m so sorry.”

“Johnny, calm down,” Yuta tried to reason but it was in vain. He was right after all, Johnny just said what all of them couldn’t, Johnny just told them the ugly truth, the truth none wanted to tell Jaehyun because deep down they were thankful. Jaehyun offered them what they could never have in Camelot. Real happiness.

Jaehyun kept crying, repeating the same words over and over again, he was losing it and his glow was so weak by now that the more he cried the more it faded. He wanted his magic back now more than ever, he never felt this weak before, not even when he didn’t have magic. Even when he experienced being human, this was the weakest he has ever felt, this powerlessness ate him alive.  Taeyong tried to go to him again, slowly placing a hand on his shoulder but Jaehyun slapped it away. He was afraid he would hurt him, because he was too weak, he wasn’t himself and Taeyong could be in danger.

“Take mine.” A small voice said in the room and Jaehyun didn’t want to admit who it belonged to. “You need a soul now or we won’t make it, you won’t find Excalibur without your magic, so take mine.”

“Doyoung, no!” Taeyong said panicking again. This was turning into a mess, this wasn’t supposed to happen. No one was supposed to sacrifice themselves so that another one can live on.

“We can find a solution to this, no one is dying anymore.” Jaehyun couldn’t even promise them that and yet he keeps saying that. Taeyong was as powerless as the rest. Jaehyun was their only hope but he couldn’t take another friend going away for something that was his burden to carry.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung got up from the couch and going to where he was he took his shoulders without thinking, and it stung. Jaehyun was burning him, it was a self-defense mechanism, it was subconscious but he wasn’t going to let go, and making Jaehyun look at him he smiled, “it’s okay.”

Jaehyun wanted to cry even harder. It wasn’t okay, he wasn’t okay. He looked at him, Doyoung was smiling because Doyoung was at peace with the idea. Doyoung was okay with giving his soul up because Doyoung was okay with dying. Doyoung wanted an escape, his life was too empty, the place Taeil filled, the void that he managed to erase in those years they spent together, was back and Doyoung couldn’t go on without him anymore. He couldn’t take another winter without him by his side. He missed his warmth, he missed having to take care of him, he missed peeling fruits for him in the café, he missed watching him from the counter, he missed his voice, he missed his laugh, he missed Taeil so much, so, so much he was already more dead than alive. He was willing to die because maybe dying meant he could be with Taeil again. Disappearing would probably send him in the same place the others were, or that’s what Doyoung thought would happen at least.

“I can’t.” Jaehyun sobbed out, his head hanging again, he couldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore. The guilt was eating him from inside.

“You have to.” Doyoung tried to reason. “It’s okay, I’ll go and see _him_.” And in that moment, everyone in the room understood. Johnny looked at them and wanted to say he was sorry, he wanted to apologize for what he said earlier, he lashed out and it wasn’t like him to snap like that but they would understand. He was hurting and he needed someone to tell him it was going to be okay, they were going to be okay, he needed Ten to tell him he’s going to be okay. And somewhere deep down he wanted to be as brave as Doyoung. He wanted out too, he couldn’t take it either. Johnny envied Doyoung, because he found a way out of this suffering.

“No…” Jaehyun came out raspy, “Please, don’t make me.” He tried to shake Doyoung off, it was in vain. The burn stopped after a while, and Doyoung realized it was now or never. He had to make him take it or they would all be doomed and when their time is up they won’t meet again.

All those sleepless nights allowed him to think, and thinking only made him remember Taeil. In his flashbacks he remembered and managed to dream about a life with Taeil he could no longer have, and sometimes he remembered Camelot and, in those flashbacks, he remembered the stories he heard as a child about Jaehyun. It all seemed like fairytales, but now he was living one, and maybe there was hope. Maybe Jaehyun could do it. The great sorcerer. He could do anything, Jaehyun can send them all back and Jaehyun can bring back Taeil in the process too, Mark and Ten too. He just needed to realize that himself. He needed the trigger.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung shook him again so he would look at him. Doyoung was desperate. He was ready to let go, he wanted this pain to end. “Let me go see him. Please.”

“I don’t want to lose you too.” Jaehyun didn’t know why he was still crying like this but he could feel his magic going away, it was so faint he couldn’t even see his glow anymore.

“We need your magic, please do it.” Doyoung was pleading by now. “This is my last wish, please, let me go see Taeil.” And he smiled before he let go of his shoulders and his hands fell limp next to his body. His eyes started to pool with tears and softly he let them go. “I can’t go on without him, I tried so hard, but in the end, I need his smile to keep me going. Memories aren’t enough anymore.”

They all stood there in silence, Jaehyun’s cries the only sound in the room. His beautiful blue glow was so faint they couldn’t see it anymore. It was gone, it was all gone. This was it, Jaehyun didn’t take a soul, he lost his magic. Taeyong didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t war, he couldn’t accept death anymore. Johnny looked at Doyoung and envied him, he wanted to be him. He wanted to stop this pain. Yuta sat down somewhere in the meantime and looking at them he wanted to cry. They wanted to go back so bad but Yuta wanted to stay. Staying was not an option either anymore. Could Jaehyun grant one more wish, could Jaehyun grant him one last wish too?

 

 

“Okay.” Jaehyun said after crying it all out. He couldn’t do it, but he wanted to save them. He can save them, he just needed to remember how. He just needed to remember what he forgot along the years. “I’ll do it.”

“Jae, don’t –” Taeyong said but then Jaehyun turned to face him and smiling at him his eyes formed crescents. It hurt.

“As long as you’re alive,” Jaehyun then interrupted him and turning back to look at Doyoung, “As long as you’re happy.”

Yuta couldn’t bear to watch it, so he decided it was better to step out of the room. He looked at them one more time and he just tried to fool himself this was the only way. This was the only way to save them all, and Jaehyun was doing what they couldn’t do all along. He just hoped there was enough time left to save them.

“Thank you,” Doyoung finally got up and looking at them one more time he smiled.

Jaehyun closed his eyes and started reciting spells, moving his hands around the room. Then a light started to glow around them, it was stronger and growing in intensity the room was soon filled with it. Doyoung closed his eyes and after a while he felt the pang. This was it, he thought. It was finally going to end. The light started to dim and before they could open their eyes a burnt smell was in the room and soon the cracking of fire filled the space.

Jaehyun fell to the floor with a loud thud and Taeyong was at his side not long after. His glow was gone and yet, something was off about him. Taking a better look, his hair was a lighter shade of brown and looking at his face he saw tears streaming down.

“You did well,” Taeyong said, trying to assure him it was something he needed to do, when in fact he wasn’t sure this was ever going to be forgotten. This guilt will eat him from inside faster than the last one. “You did well.”

 

It burned bright, shades of orange and scarlet, and him in the middle of it. It wasn’t hot, the fire didn’t hurt him, it was as if the fire protected him, it took him into its embrace and told him it was all going to be alright now. It was warm, Doyoung thought. He missed that warmth and closing his eyes he let himself be consumed by it. The fire burnt everything and by the time it was over there was nothing left. The fire put itself out and took Doyoung along with it. He was free now, free from pain, free from all this hurt, he was finally at peace.

In the place where he stood, a poppy bloomed.

_‘Eternal sleep.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you again, and please feel free to tell me your thoughts in the comments. theres one chapter left :)


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